alone in my suffering
I spend my days walking around sad, like I just can't stop feeling disappointed in myself for not achieveing my goals and giving in to my hunger. No it's not even that, it's a huge lack of SELF CONTROL. What is wrong with me??? It feels like I have this black cloud hovering over my head day in and day out. I don't know how to explain it really
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Now as for your other comments...lets see, yes I think you are SO right when you say that when I feel better I won't need anyone! That's the joy of this vicious circle that consumes my world!
Do I like it....humm good question, I don't really know how to answer that, yes it serves a purpose for me in my life and no it is slowly destroying me...but then again maybe I like knowing that too?!?! Helps me deny all the other crap and focus on one thing, is that a good thing?...ah probably not but it is the only way I know how to function in life! sad existance huh?!
Ten years from now...thinner and happier about the way I look...I will probably go to my grave with this ED. Honestly there are times I would love to be free of this and then there are times that I cling to it because I can't live without it , nor do I want to live without it! I guess I don't know what I want...sorry I probably confused the crap out of you here!!
How would YOU answer these??? Good questions!
Thanks for making me think! :)
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