Reconciliation Impossible
I would if I could, but I don't because I didn't know.
You tell me I need to prove myself to you. You tell me I have to change my behavior. You tell me these things without any clear paths to achieve them. It is like you want me to fail. Like you are enjoying watching me struggle. Like you're already over me, but you'll play along as long as I keep trying.
If you really wanted us to be together, to be an us again, you would give me more direction. When I ask for guidance you tell me that I have to just do it because I want to do it, because I want to be better, and that by me doing it on my own it will show to you that I am proving myself and changing. This is horse shit.
Relationships take work. They take communication. They take so much that you just seem unwilling to give at present. It is completely unfair of you to sit there and tell me I have to prove myself, I have to change, and then not give me any guidance on what I specifically have to do.
It is unfair for you to sit there and say these things to me while you continue to go out on dates. While you continue to go out to bars. While you continue to get shit faced and fuck strange men. It is completely unfair. And it isn't that I want to do those things, because I don't. But for you to say you love me one day and then go on a date the next and then go to a bar that night and get wasted and fucked doesn't convey to me that you really do love me.
I know you feel like you shouldn't have to put your life on hold while I prove myself, but every time you do something that hurts me, it makes it harder for me to want to prove myself. As cliche as it sounds, relationships are two-way streets and I feel like, in terms of our relationship, we are both on one-way streets going in different directions. I'm going North while you're going East.
And it hurts when you become defensive when I mention that perhaps you need to change too. You tell me it is my fault we failed. That my actions have brought us here. The only responsibility you take is for actions committed years ago. However, all of my actions were in some part motivated by you and by our relationship. I wasn't dating myself. I was dating you. And because I was dating you, things you did drove me to do many of the things I did. I'm not justifying my actions. I know I did a lot of things that were wrong, but you did too. To sit there and say it is all me is a lie and again makes me think you don't want us to be together.
I guess I just wish you would recognize how your actions are making it next to impossible for us to successfully reconcile.
You tell me I need to prove myself to you. You tell me I have to change my behavior. You tell me these things without any clear paths to achieve them. It is like you want me to fail. Like you are enjoying watching me struggle. Like you're already over me, but you'll play along as long as I keep trying.
If you really wanted us to be together, to be an us again, you would give me more direction. When I ask for guidance you tell me that I have to just do it because I want to do it, because I want to be better, and that by me doing it on my own it will show to you that I am proving myself and changing. This is horse shit.
Relationships take work. They take communication. They take so much that you just seem unwilling to give at present. It is completely unfair of you to sit there and tell me I have to prove myself, I have to change, and then not give me any guidance on what I specifically have to do.
It is unfair for you to sit there and say these things to me while you continue to go out on dates. While you continue to go out to bars. While you continue to get shit faced and fuck strange men. It is completely unfair. And it isn't that I want to do those things, because I don't. But for you to say you love me one day and then go on a date the next and then go to a bar that night and get wasted and fucked doesn't convey to me that you really do love me.
I know you feel like you shouldn't have to put your life on hold while I prove myself, but every time you do something that hurts me, it makes it harder for me to want to prove myself. As cliche as it sounds, relationships are two-way streets and I feel like, in terms of our relationship, we are both on one-way streets going in different directions. I'm going North while you're going East.
And it hurts when you become defensive when I mention that perhaps you need to change too. You tell me it is my fault we failed. That my actions have brought us here. The only responsibility you take is for actions committed years ago. However, all of my actions were in some part motivated by you and by our relationship. I wasn't dating myself. I was dating you. And because I was dating you, things you did drove me to do many of the things I did. I'm not justifying my actions. I know I did a lot of things that were wrong, but you did too. To sit there and say it is all me is a lie and again makes me think you don't want us to be together.
I guess I just wish you would recognize how your actions are making it next to impossible for us to successfully reconcile.