(no subject)

[rowdy_chick]

I'm really fighting the battle today. My back has flared up since the wedding thanksgiving weekend but instead of slowly getting better, it's getting worse. Today I can't do some of the stretches I could do even yesterday with causing sharp pains. Everyday I do the same exercises which include laying on my stomach and prolong myself up on my elbows. But I can't do it today. I'm weak in my legs which has me resorting to a cane, which makes me feel like an invalid and look like one and the pain.... There's no words for the pain today. It's boardering on unbearable. There have actually been a few times I've almost panicked that I wasn't going to be able to handle it much longer. And that's with me taking the strongest meds available. I won't take more than I'm prescribed but there's moments I'm tempted to cause I don't think I can handle it anymore without losing my mind.

It's so scary to think that pain could drive me over the edge. I have a high pain tolerance. A ridiculously high pain tolerance. I've stitched myself up before so I could get back to work. I've dislocated my knees and shattered my patella with nothing more than a wince on the way to the emergency room. But I can't handle this. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. And I have no options. I can't make my teas or surgery come any faster an my family doc has me on the strongest meds I can be on. There is nothing else to do except live with it. I might lose my sanity in the process though