To tell the truth, Cherry had no idea why she was there. She had gone over a couple of possible reasons in her head, but they all boiled down to the same thing: Morbid curiosity. She could never really mind her own business. It was a personal weakness. And so, quietly, hoping to draw as little attention to herself as possible, she slipped into the room
( ... )
Jack looked down at the papers in his hands, shuffling them with a smile on his face. "I believe," he said, not yet looking up, "that attempting to hide in a corner is generally not all that successful if the room only has one other person in it."
Flashback. Suddenly, Cherry was thirteen years old, standing in Headmaster Kazan's office. The...incident, had just occurred and she was sent to wait for him there. She tried to make herself as small as possible, huddling up in a corner. And he had walked in. He hadn't said the exact same thing, of course, but it was the same general idea. And the exact same tone of voice.
Weird.
"The day's young," she replied with a shrug, casting aside that memory. "And I'm just here as an observer."
"The act of observing changes that which is observed." Jack looked up and smirked, then nodded to a chair. "Sit down. I'm not contagious." Slightly intoxicating, but not contagious. If she'd honestly only wanted to know what happened, and not interact with anything at all, she could have had someone take notes for her. "But I am very curious about why you're so determined to not get involved, and yet you can't seem to disengage entirely."
"It's difficult to disengage with your own people," she murmured. That wasn't entirely true, she supposed. There were ex-pat Hylians who moved to Risa and went totally naked, dressing in leather and eating meat, quite contrary to Hylian nature. But at the end of the day, they still had pointed ears and they still had those latent magical abilities that coupled with their blue eyes. They were still Hylian.
Of course, Cherry by no means wanted to disengage from the tree babies. She liked having a people to call her own. She just didn't want to go down the dark path she had traveled. Truth be known, Jack was a better leader. He was just so...perfect. Cherry could no more measure up to his ability to command than she could measure up to Cordelia's ability to attract sexual attention.
"I just don't want anything happening to me and my people without me knowing about it," she decided firmly. Cherry remained by the wall.
Gwen. He hadn't been able to figure it out at first, mostly because cutting Ianto out of his conscious mind so thoroughly had taken a whole lot of Gwen with it, but that was who Cherry reminded him of. The two women had their differences, obviously - large, glaring, important differences. They were not the same, not even close, but there was a tiny part of Cherry that was so incredibly Gwen it was uncanny. "I'm glad," Jack said, and he truly meant it. "Do me a favour? Never stop thinking of everyone else that way. We need more of that attitude."
Cherry was a little surprised by his favorable assessment of her attitude. She expected a fight, or at the very least, some kind of barb. Clearly, Rowan was jading her and she'd have to work twice as hard against it. But that was her own problem.
"You don't need to worry about me," she replied. "I've been forming makeshift families since I was nine years old. It's as natural to me as breathing. Even dancing."
She paused. "But can I ask you a kind of weird question?"
Jack spread his hands to indicate that she could ask him anything she liked. Of course, he might not answer, but he didn't want that to discourage her. "What's on your mind?"
"Okay, I don't know how to phrase this nicely or anything, so bear with me. My foot likes to live in my mouth."
Weird image. Check.
"I'm just wondering...well...do you feel like you're one of us?" she asked. "I mean, well, I don't mean like, in the sense of being of the same race or the same world or time or whatever. I just mean...one of us. You know? One of the people? Or are you one of those leaders who live and die by the whole 'lonely at the top' metaphoric thingy? Do you see yourself as something else?"
Okay, time to wrap it up, Cherry.
"It's not a criticism or anything," she added quickly. "It's just that...I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's about pronouns or something."
That was a very complicated question and a very astute observation. Assuming she was basing it on a drawn out theory. Hell, even if she was just taking a stab in the dark, it was a very lucky stab. "Well, I have enough experience being a leader to know that it is lonely at the top, just not for the reasons most people think." It was also difficult to explain to Cherry why it was that he so often felt like he didn't belong. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to bare his soul. Cherry was nice, and definitely reminded him of Gwen, but he had to assume that anything he told her she would tell her girlfriend, and he had to assume that anything she told Cordelia would begin making it through the grapevine at some point. Taverns were a great source of information if you knew how to sift through it, but he had to accept that that went both ways. Of course, he might be able to use that to his advantage
( ... )
Cherry lowered her eyes, feeling them sting a little. Jack hadn't said anything outrightly hostile, but she still felt like she was being scolded. And she didn't know why. But Din, it was just like being back in Maurice's office, being told that she had to leave school for the security of the other students.
"God, no," Jack insisted, shaking his head. "It's not your fault." He took one small step forward, enough to shrink the distance between them to an actual arm's length, and then crooked one finger under her chin and tilted her head back up. "People can't help the way they feel, you don't ever need to apologize for it. That's part of what makes us human. You are absolutely entitled to your opinions and your preferences and if anyone tries to tell you you're not, you point them in my direction. I'm a big boy. I can handle the fact that not everyone is going to like me. Like I said, I'm not complaining, but you did ask." Jack shrugged. "Should I have kept it to myself?"
"I wasn't expressing an opinion," Cherry said, a bit defensive, but determined not to come off like some kind of jerk. She didn't care if people thought she was odd or eccentric or irrational even. But she absolutely wouldn't tolerate anyone thinking she was a jerk. She was a good person, dammit. Why else would the universe constantly rain on her parade? It only did that to good people!
Keeping her voice level because she was afraid she might cry, she continued. "It was honestly just a question. No meaning connected to it." She paused. "No preference either. For the record. Just curious. You know what they say; curiosity killed the cat. Which actually isn't really an apt cliche for this situation since for all intents and purposes a cat would be more likely to kill me than curiosity itself. It's a bird thing."
"Sort of a universal you," Jack explained. "I just don't want you feeling bad. You haven't done anything wrong." Hit a nerve there. Something to look at later. "You must be feeling something. Something made you apologize, and you're about to cry. I feel like I shouldn't have said anything, but I think you might be the first person who doesn't already know me to ask me something real about myself."
Well, if she was going to feel damned, she'd at least feel damned for what she really was. "Well, if I'm going to be honest, I'm a little intimidated by you," she admitted. "I mean, you're like...like an authority figure. And to be honest, I have a crappy track record with authority figures."
She could feel a flush rising in her cheeks. The back of her neck was getting hot too. This was not what she had planned on doing. It was time to make a quick escape.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Like I said, I don't know how to deal with authority figures. I've totally overstepped my bounds here. I shouldn't have asked that question. I'm really, really sorry. I'll just..." She gestured absently to the door.
"Don't go," Jack said. Not an order, but a request. He wasn't going to stop her if she genuinely couldn't be in the same room as him. "It might help if you got to know me a little. I'm a nice guy. I realize that just saying it doesn't mean much, but you could figure it out for yourself. I'd say you have nothing to be really, really sorry about, but somehow I don't think you'd believe me."
He took that step back again, giving her space, and leaned against his desk, making him several inches shorter. "I'm used to people asking questions. Like I said, I've been doing this sort of thing for a very long time. You haven't overstepped anything. Look, I'll make a deal with you. You can ask me whatever you want to know, and if I don't want to tell you, then I won't, and neither of us will read anything into it. How's that?"
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Weird.
"The day's young," she replied with a shrug, casting aside that memory. "And I'm just here as an observer."
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Of course, Cherry by no means wanted to disengage from the tree babies. She liked having a people to call her own. She just didn't want to go down the dark path she had traveled. Truth be known, Jack was a better leader. He was just so...perfect. Cherry could no more measure up to his ability to command than she could measure up to Cordelia's ability to attract sexual attention.
"I just don't want anything happening to me and my people without me knowing about it," she decided firmly. Cherry remained by the wall.
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"You don't need to worry about me," she replied. "I've been forming makeshift families since I was nine years old. It's as natural to me as breathing. Even dancing."
She paused. "But can I ask you a kind of weird question?"
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Weird image. Check.
"I'm just wondering...well...do you feel like you're one of us?" she asked. "I mean, well, I don't mean like, in the sense of being of the same race or the same world or time or whatever. I just mean...one of us. You know? One of the people? Or are you one of those leaders who live and die by the whole 'lonely at the top' metaphoric thingy? Do you see yourself as something else?"
Okay, time to wrap it up, Cherry.
"It's not a criticism or anything," she added quickly. "It's just that...I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's about pronouns or something."
And time to shut up.
Cherry shut up.
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"Sorry," she mumbled.
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Keeping her voice level because she was afraid she might cry, she continued. "It was honestly just a question. No meaning connected to it." She paused. "No preference either. For the record. Just curious. You know what they say; curiosity killed the cat. Which actually isn't really an apt cliche for this situation since for all intents and purposes a cat would be more likely to kill me than curiosity itself. It's a bird thing."
Seriously, Cherry, shut up.
She shut up again.
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She could feel a flush rising in her cheeks. The back of her neck was getting hot too. This was not what she had planned on doing. It was time to make a quick escape.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Like I said, I don't know how to deal with authority figures. I've totally overstepped my bounds here. I shouldn't have asked that question. I'm really, really sorry. I'll just..." She gestured absently to the door.
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He took that step back again, giving her space, and leaned against his desk, making him several inches shorter. "I'm used to people asking questions. Like I said, I've been doing this sort of thing for a very long time. You haven't overstepped anything. Look, I'll make a deal with you. You can ask me whatever you want to know, and if I don't want to tell you, then I won't, and neither of us will read anything into it. How's that?"
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