"Frozen" - 2010
I like movies - this shouldn’t be anything new. Lately I’ve been complaining about them, though, because it seems that there’s never anything really new. Spiderman. Spiderman remade. Superman. Superman is remade. The Incredible Hulk is made (horribly), and then redone. And so on. And so forth. The ideas always seem to be stolen from someone else because they think they can do a better job, but can’t come up with ideas of their own.
When Dave told me about “Frozen” I thought, “Oh god. What a terrible idea!” But then decided to watch it anyways. What else do I have going on right now? So we downloaded it so I could watch it today. Or maybe I just wanted yet one more reason to complain about something, now that my leg seems to be showing some progress.....
Yep. My original thought was correct. They get bonus points for coming up with something new, but lose the same point for thinking that making an entire movie about three people stuck on a chairlift for a week is a good idea. Someone should be flogged for wasting the money. They could have fed an entire village in Africa instead of ruined the plastic debris they offered to the wolves. Then again, thinking on it, maybe feeding a village is saying a bit much. Probably just a small family, seeing as how there was a severe lack of props, mechanics, scenery, extras..... the producer probably played one of the characters to save a few extra dollars, and the main characters were paid in promises of red carpets. They probably bought a brown carpet and dyed it red.... using the same food coloring they used to color the snow....
The characters all have their flaws, of course, but they seemed to have wanted to put so many conflicts in each of them that their personalities change every 10 or 20 seconds. They didn’t seem to make the characters solid enough to be believable, despite the non-stop chattering they did about puppies, fat kids, fears, best Christmas stories, the sad sob-story of the jock dumping his soul mate girlfriend and why they couldn’t die on the hill like their friend.... I’m typically pretty good at putting myself in other people’s shoes and, therefore, getting close to the characters I face in movies or books. This is not always a good thing, considering the boxes of tissues I have ripped through when Dumbledore died. I had wanted to call in sick so I could attend his funeral....
I could not relate to any of these people whatsoever, and found myself simply not caring for them. At all. They could have been eaten by wolves and I probably would have laughed.
Oh, right. I did. HA!
My favourite was the close up of the girl urinating herself. Apparently this is a major event because it’s not that she has given in to the fact that she’s going to die, she is simply not willing to embarrass herself in front of her not-boyfriend because there is no longer a choice in the matter, since taking off the pants wasn’t an option. Sitting in freezing urine is better than letting Joe-Shmoe seeing your woohoo.
Other laughable moments I found were in regards to the razor-sharp cables, the wolves attacking as soon as he got onto the ground, the wolf screaming and running away after being stabbed with a ski pole (I’ve seen dogs fight, they don’t give up so easily), the screw suddenly becoming loose on the chair lift, the laughable, easy slide down the mountain to be saved by the dead boy, which appeased the wolves appetites long enough that they simply watched her.
I had a few laughs but, overall, the movie was a waste of time if it wasn’t more than just background noise. Perhaps a better sound track could have made this a little better, however not enough to make it anywhere close to a “good” movie.
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