look ill actually post what im listening too
just a few things ive been thinkin the past couple days:
i guess i was in love with vilas, it just sucks to think that that was love because i got alot of pain out of that relationship and i left with alot less than i put in. if thats what love is supposed to be then ill go join a convent. i guess its unfair to say i got alot of pain. there was good times. there was some reaaaally good times where i was on cloud nine. but overall it was unstable. its like saying being on coke is okay because you have those hours where you feel amazing. its not because overall you look at it as something youre glad you came alive out of. i feel like i was supposed to get some amazing life lesson out of that relationship, but i feel like all i got was wrong information. i have the wrong ideas on how to act around guys, how to treat them, and how to respond to what they do. i feel like it fucked me up pretty good. i thought i was supposed to learn lessons but its kind of hard to learn from someone who isnt like anyone else. im not saying i regret it. like i said i had some really good times and i learned more about myself and about how i react and how i love and i learned about other people alittle bit, but overall that was quite an insane chapter in my life. ive just been thinking about it lately because i feel like i was in love but it didnt seem to make sense. the only thing i had to compare it with was what i thought was love. im really curious as to what real love feels like.
so this brings me back. im like a little school girl again haha for i have a wee bit of a crush. im over playing the field and im over the dating game. im looking for someone that i can be a lazy bastard with and bake cakes for and make soup for when theyre sick. i want a friend that i can spend the rest of my life with. big words for a little 18 year old huh? my mouth likes to get ahead of me, but im really over dating people. meeting new people is totally different from dating. im always down to meet someone new but id like something real in my life other than myself. all i have is myself to think to and all i have is myself to talk to. i have friends and all but im talking about in the deeper sense, all i have is me. its not a bad thing at all, i just miss the feeling of a special link.
i hate having crushes because its back on the rollercoaster for me. i hate giving someone the power to control how i feel and my mood. maybe this is whats keepin me from making that link? i dont know right now im just floatin downstream the river of my life haha
i guess i was in love with vilas, it just sucks to think that that was love because i got alot of pain out of that relationship and i left with alot less than i put in. if thats what love is supposed to be then ill go join a convent. i guess its unfair to say i got alot of pain. there was good times. there was some reaaaally good times where i was on cloud nine. but overall it was unstable. its like saying being on coke is okay because you have those hours where you feel amazing. its not because overall you look at it as something youre glad you came alive out of. i feel like i was supposed to get some amazing life lesson out of that relationship, but i feel like all i got was wrong information. i have the wrong ideas on how to act around guys, how to treat them, and how to respond to what they do. i feel like it fucked me up pretty good. i thought i was supposed to learn lessons but its kind of hard to learn from someone who isnt like anyone else. im not saying i regret it. like i said i had some really good times and i learned more about myself and about how i react and how i love and i learned about other people alittle bit, but overall that was quite an insane chapter in my life. ive just been thinking about it lately because i feel like i was in love but it didnt seem to make sense. the only thing i had to compare it with was what i thought was love. im really curious as to what real love feels like.
so this brings me back. im like a little school girl again haha for i have a wee bit of a crush. im over playing the field and im over the dating game. im looking for someone that i can be a lazy bastard with and bake cakes for and make soup for when theyre sick. i want a friend that i can spend the rest of my life with. big words for a little 18 year old huh? my mouth likes to get ahead of me, but im really over dating people. meeting new people is totally different from dating. im always down to meet someone new but id like something real in my life other than myself. all i have is myself to think to and all i have is myself to talk to. i have friends and all but im talking about in the deeper sense, all i have is me. its not a bad thing at all, i just miss the feeling of a special link.
i hate having crushes because its back on the rollercoaster for me. i hate giving someone the power to control how i feel and my mood. maybe this is whats keepin me from making that link? i dont know right now im just floatin downstream the river of my life haha