Romance is death
I am back again, here in my little secret world that no one knows about; this secret outlet into truth and desires. I use this journal to cascade my feelings onto page and still be anonymous. No one knows who I am, anything about me. I can say what I want, make decisions and choose to be that real part of me.
Strange to think that I can't do this in real life, that saying what I really felt and showing what I really meant would do more harm than it would good. Well, more harm to others and maybe more good to myself. I think I need to get out what I am thinking, what I am feeling. It's so pent up inside that I feel like I am going to burst from the stress and the agony of it all.
And here you are my lone outlet. The place where no one knows my face/my name. That spot were I can let it all out, and yet I am still afraid. My mind reels but I'm just putting off the inevitable. I'm going to write what I mean, the story of the broken hearted. It will come out, it just takes time. I have to work up to it.
The reality, no matter how rotten it might be.
I seen him last night, with his new girlfriend. They looked happy together, they always do. I don't think we ever did. And, though I moved on, I have not moved on. My heart plunges and I dream a little dream of him; as my boyfriend smiles from across the table... he doesn't know; I still love him. The air of him. The smell of him. I am broken when I see him passing by. I want him. I hate her.
But I don't really hate her. She is a nice girl, in a naive way. Very young and curious; just he way he likes them. I am no longer young or curious, unwanted used baggage.
I know we weren't really good together but that doesn't stop me from pulsating with desire every time I see him smile. At the same time, my heart breaks in thousands of pieces when he flashes that smile, that promise of something sweet and warm.
Why can't I get this out of my mind? It's been over a year. Why do I let him have the power to break me with a single glance. I can't help it. The feelings just won't go away. I wonder if he gives me those looks on purpose. I try to avoid him most days; and then I think I'm over it and I go out, and there he is again. My heart breaks anew.
Strange to think that I can't do this in real life, that saying what I really felt and showing what I really meant would do more harm than it would good. Well, more harm to others and maybe more good to myself. I think I need to get out what I am thinking, what I am feeling. It's so pent up inside that I feel like I am going to burst from the stress and the agony of it all.
And here you are my lone outlet. The place where no one knows my face/my name. That spot were I can let it all out, and yet I am still afraid. My mind reels but I'm just putting off the inevitable. I'm going to write what I mean, the story of the broken hearted. It will come out, it just takes time. I have to work up to it.
The reality, no matter how rotten it might be.
I seen him last night, with his new girlfriend. They looked happy together, they always do. I don't think we ever did. And, though I moved on, I have not moved on. My heart plunges and I dream a little dream of him; as my boyfriend smiles from across the table... he doesn't know; I still love him. The air of him. The smell of him. I am broken when I see him passing by. I want him. I hate her.
But I don't really hate her. She is a nice girl, in a naive way. Very young and curious; just he way he likes them. I am no longer young or curious, unwanted used baggage.
I know we weren't really good together but that doesn't stop me from pulsating with desire every time I see him smile. At the same time, my heart breaks in thousands of pieces when he flashes that smile, that promise of something sweet and warm.
Why can't I get this out of my mind? It's been over a year. Why do I let him have the power to break me with a single glance. I can't help it. The feelings just won't go away. I wonder if he gives me those looks on purpose. I try to avoid him most days; and then I think I'm over it and I go out, and there he is again. My heart breaks anew.