(no subject)
Had a friend once tell me she felt like she understood polyamory a bit more when she had her second child and was like 'wow, you really can fully love two people without there being less love to go around'.
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- Only if you believe love is some kind of mysterious force that happens, with no cost. In my world, love = attention, investment of time and other resources, love is doing, and doing budget is finite.
- My polyamorous friend keeps joking that polyamory is actually just a scheduling fetish. But not all people actually need that much time and attention from their partners and if all parties have more than one partner it ends up balancing itself out too.
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- I get it, but I still don't want my GF to love someone the way she loves me. What mean?
- That polyamory probably isn't for you!
- It may mean that:
~ You have emotional triggers around abandonment (which is 100% fair and reasonable both due to childhood fears and average adult behavior)
~ You’re wired to only be devotional (truly dedicated to her) within a set type of relationship container. This is probably to help preserve your nervous system/sanity. This is normal and worthwhile.
~ She is the only source of a type of ‘love’ for you so you want to guard that for yourself. (Controlling ‘love’. Classic option everyone goes for. It often works… to a certain extent!)
All of these have ‘fixes’… but is that a road you *want* to go down?
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I have to make enormous effort out of the other things in my life to make time for one person. If you’re really doing something important than making sex your hobby and having a bunch of partners means guaranteed shallow relationships with people you hardly know.
Polyamory is for the rich and the useless.
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Lol, I actually had an opposite experience and understood that polyamory won't work when I had my second child. Yes, you will love them equally but you are bound to hurt them, make hard choices of who will get your scarce attention when they need it at the same time. It's hard.
***
I feel like the bottleneck is time, not love.
I can absolutely love a bunch of people very deeply, but how many sincere romantic relationships can I fit into my free time?
***
- Only if you believe love is some kind of mysterious force that happens, with no cost. In my world, love = attention, investment of time and other resources, love is doing, and doing budget is finite.
- My polyamorous friend keeps joking that polyamory is actually just a scheduling fetish. But not all people actually need that much time and attention from their partners and if all parties have more than one partner it ends up balancing itself out too.
***
- I get it, but I still don't want my GF to love someone the way she loves me. What mean?
- That polyamory probably isn't for you!
- It may mean that:
~ You have emotional triggers around abandonment (which is 100% fair and reasonable both due to childhood fears and average adult behavior)
~ You’re wired to only be devotional (truly dedicated to her) within a set type of relationship container. This is probably to help preserve your nervous system/sanity. This is normal and worthwhile.
~ She is the only source of a type of ‘love’ for you so you want to guard that for yourself. (Controlling ‘love’. Classic option everyone goes for. It often works… to a certain extent!)
All of these have ‘fixes’… but is that a road you *want* to go down?
***
I have to make enormous effort out of the other things in my life to make time for one person. If you’re really doing something important than making sex your hobby and having a bunch of partners means guaranteed shallow relationships with people you hardly know.
Polyamory is for the rich and the useless.
***
Lol, I actually had an opposite experience and understood that polyamory won't work when I had my second child. Yes, you will love them equally but you are bound to hurt them, make hard choices of who will get your scarce attention when they need it at the same time. It's hard.
***
I feel like the bottleneck is time, not love.
I can absolutely love a bunch of people very deeply, but how many sincere romantic relationships can I fit into my free time?