Pulls her hair back as she screams, "I don't really wanna be the queen!"
Ok, so I told you all about my Booshi and whatnot. Well, she is like completely broke up with that chick now, but she still lives with her. It's very complicated. Chick's got a baby. Booshi's been there since day one for the little guy. Ashley's like all fucked up in the head. Booshi feels stuck. She wants to get Ashley out of the house, but she like REALLY has nowhere else to go.
She keeps playing guilt trips on Booshi. I just wanna fuck this bitch up. She plays so many fucking minds games it's unreal. Like for serious, I didn't know someone could play this many mind games. Like she's send txts to Booshi talking about, "Help me baby. I can't make it stop. I think I'm gonna pass out." And what would you think?? She's cutting or something, right? Well, especially considering the bitch just carved I hate you in her wrist like 2 days ago, that was my first thought. But no. She's just talking about how miserable she is, and how she can't stop crying. But she does this shit ALL the fucking time. Not the cutting, the messages.
And she's always sabatoging the time Booshi spends with me. Booshi will stay the night, and there just convienently happens to be something Ashley has to do at like 8 or 9 in the morning, which happens to be when Ty wakes up.... Ty being the baby. Or her knees are locking up and she just absolutely can't move or something, and somebody's gotta be there to get Ty. She has artheritis in her knees, strangely enough. She's only 20, but her knees are like completely fucked.
Dude, I just can't take the bullshit this bitch pulls. Booshi doesn't wanna be there for it anymore, but she's worried about Ty. And as much as she says she doesn't care about Ashley anymore, I know she does. You don't come out of a 4 year off/on relationship with someone and not care about them. I even told her that last night when Ashley was sending those stupid fucking messages.
She said she honestly doesn't care if Ashley's cutting again, or killed herself or whatever. And the whole thing just made me cry. I don't like hearing/seeing people hurting themselves... Even if I hate them, or the bullshit they pull. I'm one hell of an empathetic person. I can't help it. It's really like I feel people's emotions and I can't stop it. I starting crying last night, and I told Booshi all this, and I said I honestly don't know if I'm feeling her pain, or yours. I know you say you don't care, but I know you do. And she didn't say anything.
I don't blame her or anything. It's not that I don't want her to feel anything for Ashley anymore or anything. And I believe it when she says she doesn't want her back. She's sick of the bullshit. Everything that happens, whether it's Ashley cutting herself, crying, or just straight feeling sorry for herself, she blames it all on Booshi. Told her one night, "I'm so tired of you hurting me. But it's ok. I won't let you hurt me anymore. Goodbye, I love you. Always remember that I love you." She's constantly sending messages like that. Like they're her suicide notes or something, and yet she does absolutely nothing.
This bitch wants to get help she says, but won't take any steps to actually get the help. Like psychiatric(Sp?) help. Belmont Pines. SOMETHING. She told Booshi she wanted to go to Belmont Pines, and then said she didn't because she's afraid Ty's gonna get taken away from her. I totally understand that too. As a mother, that's my biggest fear EVER! But it'd be better for EVERYONE, including Ty and herself, if she went and got this help.
I've so been needing to get this shit out, and I've got like, NOBODY to talk to about this. I don't want everybody putting me down, or trying to talk me outta this. I absolutely love this girl. I've never felt this way for anybody. And I don't want anybody messing this up. Especially this bitch. There's even more ranting I will post, just don't have time for it right now. :-/ I've even wrote a couple poems to her. I will post those as well. But for now, I'm off to Borders... I MIGHT be able to post the poems before I go... I will try anyways.
Goodbye for now everyone, and I'll try to get on here more often and update you guys on shit, and show my love for all of you. I miss you guys terribly. :-/