Comments | rosenewtricks: (без темы)

rosenewtricks

(Untitled)

Dec 16, 2005 12:17

This is part of a story I've been kinda working on for a while. This is not the complete story, as the complete story is non-existent. I want feedback, please please pretty please.

( The section of the story )

Comments 13

collin_mayfield December 16 2005, 22:35:47 UTC

good stuff...he was murded in Auschwitz, eh? ahhh the joys of technology and it's non-rich text format self.

rosenewtricks December 17 2005, 01:07:40 UTC

Oops...Thanks for pointing that out. I'm glad you like it.

striped_beanie December 17 2005, 01:20:23 UTC

Lovely. And the band choices...the Sex Pistols, The Clash, The PIXIES!!<3!! The Smiths...exquisite.

WORD.

You rock.

rejectionslip December 17 2005, 04:29:48 UTC

You're sentence structure's a little choppy.

(The comment has been removed)

rosenewtricks December 17 2005, 15:46:24 UTC

I'll fix that too. :)

(The comment has been removed)

Thread 8

hazedsentients December 17 2005, 07:53:01 UTC

ONE critique. Edit out the "at school" in the 2nd sentence..if you want, of course. It sounds a bit redundant there. Maybe combine the first two sentences.

Other than that, Keep it comin'.

rosenewtricks December 17 2005, 15:45:54 UTC

I welcome critiqueing so thanks for pointing that out.

divonadiva December 17 2005, 22:23:10 UTC

Good job...sounds familiar

rosenewtricks December 23 2005, 01:37:14 UTC

Maybe I've read it to you before.