A Profusion of Problems (scarvesnhats Day 20)
Title: A Profusion of Problems
Rating: PG/PG-13 (for language)
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm just borrowing them.
Wordcount: 1619
Prompt: Binding scars
Notes: Sixth year. James has noticed there's something wrong. I'm pleased with this one.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
It was strange how things could change in even a few days. Perhaps they had been changing all along and he had simply failed to see it. It was a subtle thing, friendship, built of custom and shared secrets, jokes that no one else understood and scars that could not be discussed.
Perhaps he had been the one to change the balance when he welcomed Lily in. He didn’t think it was just that. With Peter gone he could hear the silences between Remus and Sirius. He was sure they hadn’t always been there.
There was no point in trying to talk to Remus. He was too good at evading awkward questions. It would have to be Sirius.
He’d spoken to Lily first, though. She saw things he didn’t and he wasn’t too proud to ask for help.
She’d cupped her chin in her hands and frowned, considering. “You know what everyone says about them, don’t you?”
“No.” James felt his shoulders tense. Nobody was allowed to talk about his friends behind his back.
“You’ve never heard all the jokes? About them being a couple?”
“Remus and Sirius? But they’re not-”
“Aren’t they?” Lily asked.
James thought about it. He thought about little touches, about the way attention strayed in long classes, about Quidditch posters and magazines Lily didn’t need to know about.
“I don’t know,” he said at last. “Sirius is private about that sort of thing - more than you’d expect. And Remus…” He really wasn’t sure, now he thought about it. “Do they know what people are saying?”
“Remus does. It’s all part of the usual barrage at prefects’ meetings.”
James frowned. “Are interim prefects allowed to go to meetings?”
“Not if they’re only going to start a fight,” Lily said firmly.
“Damn. I think I shall be having a relapse in Charms this afternoon. Cover for me, will you?”
She crossed her arms and glared. “James.”
“Please. I need to corner Sirius.”
“Just this once. Honestly, I’ve broken more rules this term than in my first five years.”
“Fun, isn’t it?” he said and fled.
~#~
They ran out of the forest, stag and dog, around the edge of Hogsmeade and into the mountains. It felt so good to run again, after days cooped up in the Hospital Wing, the black dog dashing around his feet.
It wasn’t until they were high above the village that he changed back, dropping onto a rock to catch his breath. The dog rose into Sirius, who sprawled on the ground, panting.
James waited until the last of the stag’s mood had faded and prodded Sirius with his foot.
“So, what else did I miss?”
“What do you mean?”
That causal tone and the carefully graceless pose meant that Sirius was on guard. He could read the signs.
“Well, I know that you all terrorised the firsties and that Remus hexed your brother. I know what happened to Peter and how ill your cousin Narcissa is. I even know that you bastards found my art collection.”
“You freaky pervert,” Sirius said happily and relaxed.
James put his foot on Sirius’ stomach, to keep him from escaping. “So now tell me about the rest of it.”
“That’s everything.”
“So why are you and Remus being polite to each other?”
Sirius squirmed and then scowled. “Because we’re not barbarians, like some people.”
“Piss off, Padfoot.”
“Go fuck yourself, Prongs.”
“Right. Now we’ve proven barbarity all round, talk.”
Sirius crossed his arms and stared at the sky. “If you had a brain, you’d be dangerous.”
“We’re not going back until I get answers.”
“Git.”
“Twat.”
“Wanker.”
“Arsehole.”
“Fuckwit.”
“Poof.”
Sirius reared up under his foot. “Says who?”
“Half the school,” James said. “According to Lily. Are you?”
“None of your fucking business. Don’t talk about me behind my back.”
“I don’t think asking Lily if she knows why you’re upset counts in that respect, my lad. Is that why Remus has gone skittish? Does he have a problem with it?”
“Skittish?”
James shrugged. It seemed the right word. Sirius had sprawled out again, arms crossed behind his head. So wrong tack but not completely wrong.
“What would you do if he had?”
“Sit on his head until he saw sense.”
“It never works,” Sirius said morosely. “He wriggles.”
James filed that snippet away in his mind. Maybe Lily had been right.
“What would you do if I was?” Sirius asked warily but he didn’t meet James’ eye so that wasn’t quite the real question.
“Take the piss for the rest of your life.”
“You wouldn’t-?”
James pressed down hard with his heel. “You prat. What kind of wanker do you think I am?”
“A creepy, stalkerish one who really needs to get his invisibility cloak cleaned. People do mind, y’know. Only half the family cut off old Alphie ‘cause he’s in trade. The rest didn’t like his taste in men.”
“Is that your uncle? The one who owns a villa? With all the young, Muggle manservants?”
“Yup. Good, old Alphie.”
“Well, the harem is rather creepy. But, y’know, if you fancy Peter or something, that’s fine.”
“Peter!”
James smirked.
Sirius scowled but he was smiling slightly. Silly git thought he was devious.
“So,” James said, leaning back. “Remus is gay.”
“What?” Carefully modulated outrage, there. “What makes you think that?”
“You as good as told me.”
“I did not.”
“Padfoot, you remember in second year when Pete had the bladder infection. What did you do?”
Sirius smiled in fond memory. “Striptease on high table so he could get out unseen.”
“Your modus operandi is unmistakable. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Did you freak out on him?”
Sirius glared at him and said grudgingly, “No.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s nothing to do with Remus.” The challenging stare. Misdirection.
“So what is it?”
Sirius sighed. “We were sort of talking about, y’know, and I realised that I didn’t have to worry about the family reaction. I could have an orgy and it wouldn’t matter. I could go out with anyone, if I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter.”
He wished he’d been there for that conversation. “Was this before or after Remus came out?”
“Night after.”
“So you decided it was time to fancy Moony.”
“No!” That was honest and angry enough that he was glad he had the high ground. Then Sirius shuffled his shoulders and muttered, “Sort of, accidentally, slept with him. Twice.”
There were times when James Potter sincerely wished he’d been Sorted into Hufflepuff. He was sure these sorts of things didn’t happen to Hufflepuffs. “Slept with?” he repeated. “Twice? You’ve been busy.”
Sirius looked horrifed. “Not - I didn’t. Asleep. I meant asleep. In his bed. With him. Twice.”
James sighed with relief. “So, you find out Remus is gay - how did you manage that, by the way? I can never get a straight answer out of him.”
“Bad puns are not appropriate,” Sirius said. “Sat on him.”
“Do you think Lily would go out with me if-”
“No.” Sirius folded his arms, looking disgruntled. “Could we get back to my crisis, please?”
“Okay. You find out about him then you realise you’re free to start shagging your way through the school-”
“They would so all do me.”
James glared. “And, then, despite all this, you crawl into bed with him. Does your brain actually function?”
Sirius glared. Then he pushed James’ foot off his chest and scrambled up onto the rock beside him. He hugged his knees and stared out at the sky.
At last he said, “I think I might fancy him. Fancy him quite a lot, that is. But I have to be certain, don’t I? Because you can just stop fancying people, can’t you?”
James, who had once spent a terrible week fantasising about Flitwick’s underwear after a particularly lurid dream, nodded fervently.
“And if you don’t know someone and they don’t know you, doesn’t matter. But you don’t fuck with your friends’ heads. You have to be absolutely certain. Then you have to be sure that it would be a good thing because you can’t change back, can you? You can’t just do that to someone who matters. Wouldn’t be right.”
“It wouldn’t be honourable,” James said and watched Sirius twitch. “You’re a Gryffindor, you twat. Honour matters.”
“Nah. I was just too loud for Slytherin.”
“Prat.”
“Wanker.”
They sat in comfortable silence, watching the clouds. James was almost relieved to know he hadn’t been wrong. The balance had shifted. He just needed to study Remus now, - to work out which way he was running. He wasn’t quite sure he liked all these changes but things and people grew. You just had to make sure that you kept making new links between people, even when the old ones faded. They hadn’t stopped being the Marauders just because they weren’t learning to be animagi any more. They wouldn’t stop just because some of them fancied, well, people. That was the thing about friends - you changed with them and they changed with you.
“What are you going to do then?” he asked.
“Dunno. Wait and see if I change my mind.”
“That’s the crappiest of your crappy plans yet.”
“Think of something better.”
“Don’t ask me. Pete’s the detail man.”
“I am not asking Wormtail for dating advice.”
“He’s pulled more than the rest of us put together.”
“No.”
There was another long silence and James said, “Be getting dark soon.”
“Want to race back?”
“Why not? Tell you something, though.”
“What?”
“I am never getting ill again.”
Sirius snorted. “I never get ill.” Then he sank into the black dog and James stretched into the stag and they went thundering away down the mountain.
Rating: PG/PG-13 (for language)
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I'm just borrowing them.
Wordcount: 1619
Prompt: Binding scars
Notes: Sixth year. James has noticed there's something wrong. I'm pleased with this one.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
It was strange how things could change in even a few days. Perhaps they had been changing all along and he had simply failed to see it. It was a subtle thing, friendship, built of custom and shared secrets, jokes that no one else understood and scars that could not be discussed.
Perhaps he had been the one to change the balance when he welcomed Lily in. He didn’t think it was just that. With Peter gone he could hear the silences between Remus and Sirius. He was sure they hadn’t always been there.
There was no point in trying to talk to Remus. He was too good at evading awkward questions. It would have to be Sirius.
He’d spoken to Lily first, though. She saw things he didn’t and he wasn’t too proud to ask for help.
She’d cupped her chin in her hands and frowned, considering. “You know what everyone says about them, don’t you?”
“No.” James felt his shoulders tense. Nobody was allowed to talk about his friends behind his back.
“You’ve never heard all the jokes? About them being a couple?”
“Remus and Sirius? But they’re not-”
“Aren’t they?” Lily asked.
James thought about it. He thought about little touches, about the way attention strayed in long classes, about Quidditch posters and magazines Lily didn’t need to know about.
“I don’t know,” he said at last. “Sirius is private about that sort of thing - more than you’d expect. And Remus…” He really wasn’t sure, now he thought about it. “Do they know what people are saying?”
“Remus does. It’s all part of the usual barrage at prefects’ meetings.”
James frowned. “Are interim prefects allowed to go to meetings?”
“Not if they’re only going to start a fight,” Lily said firmly.
“Damn. I think I shall be having a relapse in Charms this afternoon. Cover for me, will you?”
She crossed her arms and glared. “James.”
“Please. I need to corner Sirius.”
“Just this once. Honestly, I’ve broken more rules this term than in my first five years.”
“Fun, isn’t it?” he said and fled.
~#~
They ran out of the forest, stag and dog, around the edge of Hogsmeade and into the mountains. It felt so good to run again, after days cooped up in the Hospital Wing, the black dog dashing around his feet.
It wasn’t until they were high above the village that he changed back, dropping onto a rock to catch his breath. The dog rose into Sirius, who sprawled on the ground, panting.
James waited until the last of the stag’s mood had faded and prodded Sirius with his foot.
“So, what else did I miss?”
“What do you mean?”
That causal tone and the carefully graceless pose meant that Sirius was on guard. He could read the signs.
“Well, I know that you all terrorised the firsties and that Remus hexed your brother. I know what happened to Peter and how ill your cousin Narcissa is. I even know that you bastards found my art collection.”
“You freaky pervert,” Sirius said happily and relaxed.
James put his foot on Sirius’ stomach, to keep him from escaping. “So now tell me about the rest of it.”
“That’s everything.”
“So why are you and Remus being polite to each other?”
Sirius squirmed and then scowled. “Because we’re not barbarians, like some people.”
“Piss off, Padfoot.”
“Go fuck yourself, Prongs.”
“Right. Now we’ve proven barbarity all round, talk.”
Sirius crossed his arms and stared at the sky. “If you had a brain, you’d be dangerous.”
“We’re not going back until I get answers.”
“Git.”
“Twat.”
“Wanker.”
“Arsehole.”
“Fuckwit.”
“Poof.”
Sirius reared up under his foot. “Says who?”
“Half the school,” James said. “According to Lily. Are you?”
“None of your fucking business. Don’t talk about me behind my back.”
“I don’t think asking Lily if she knows why you’re upset counts in that respect, my lad. Is that why Remus has gone skittish? Does he have a problem with it?”
“Skittish?”
James shrugged. It seemed the right word. Sirius had sprawled out again, arms crossed behind his head. So wrong tack but not completely wrong.
“What would you do if he had?”
“Sit on his head until he saw sense.”
“It never works,” Sirius said morosely. “He wriggles.”
James filed that snippet away in his mind. Maybe Lily had been right.
“What would you do if I was?” Sirius asked warily but he didn’t meet James’ eye so that wasn’t quite the real question.
“Take the piss for the rest of your life.”
“You wouldn’t-?”
James pressed down hard with his heel. “You prat. What kind of wanker do you think I am?”
“A creepy, stalkerish one who really needs to get his invisibility cloak cleaned. People do mind, y’know. Only half the family cut off old Alphie ‘cause he’s in trade. The rest didn’t like his taste in men.”
“Is that your uncle? The one who owns a villa? With all the young, Muggle manservants?”
“Yup. Good, old Alphie.”
“Well, the harem is rather creepy. But, y’know, if you fancy Peter or something, that’s fine.”
“Peter!”
James smirked.
Sirius scowled but he was smiling slightly. Silly git thought he was devious.
“So,” James said, leaning back. “Remus is gay.”
“What?” Carefully modulated outrage, there. “What makes you think that?”
“You as good as told me.”
“I did not.”
“Padfoot, you remember in second year when Pete had the bladder infection. What did you do?”
Sirius smiled in fond memory. “Striptease on high table so he could get out unseen.”
“Your modus operandi is unmistakable. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Did you freak out on him?”
Sirius glared at him and said grudgingly, “No.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s nothing to do with Remus.” The challenging stare. Misdirection.
“So what is it?”
Sirius sighed. “We were sort of talking about, y’know, and I realised that I didn’t have to worry about the family reaction. I could have an orgy and it wouldn’t matter. I could go out with anyone, if I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter.”
He wished he’d been there for that conversation. “Was this before or after Remus came out?”
“Night after.”
“So you decided it was time to fancy Moony.”
“No!” That was honest and angry enough that he was glad he had the high ground. Then Sirius shuffled his shoulders and muttered, “Sort of, accidentally, slept with him. Twice.”
There were times when James Potter sincerely wished he’d been Sorted into Hufflepuff. He was sure these sorts of things didn’t happen to Hufflepuffs. “Slept with?” he repeated. “Twice? You’ve been busy.”
Sirius looked horrifed. “Not - I didn’t. Asleep. I meant asleep. In his bed. With him. Twice.”
James sighed with relief. “So, you find out Remus is gay - how did you manage that, by the way? I can never get a straight answer out of him.”
“Bad puns are not appropriate,” Sirius said. “Sat on him.”
“Do you think Lily would go out with me if-”
“No.” Sirius folded his arms, looking disgruntled. “Could we get back to my crisis, please?”
“Okay. You find out about him then you realise you’re free to start shagging your way through the school-”
“They would so all do me.”
James glared. “And, then, despite all this, you crawl into bed with him. Does your brain actually function?”
Sirius glared. Then he pushed James’ foot off his chest and scrambled up onto the rock beside him. He hugged his knees and stared out at the sky.
At last he said, “I think I might fancy him. Fancy him quite a lot, that is. But I have to be certain, don’t I? Because you can just stop fancying people, can’t you?”
James, who had once spent a terrible week fantasising about Flitwick’s underwear after a particularly lurid dream, nodded fervently.
“And if you don’t know someone and they don’t know you, doesn’t matter. But you don’t fuck with your friends’ heads. You have to be absolutely certain. Then you have to be sure that it would be a good thing because you can’t change back, can you? You can’t just do that to someone who matters. Wouldn’t be right.”
“It wouldn’t be honourable,” James said and watched Sirius twitch. “You’re a Gryffindor, you twat. Honour matters.”
“Nah. I was just too loud for Slytherin.”
“Prat.”
“Wanker.”
They sat in comfortable silence, watching the clouds. James was almost relieved to know he hadn’t been wrong. The balance had shifted. He just needed to study Remus now, - to work out which way he was running. He wasn’t quite sure he liked all these changes but things and people grew. You just had to make sure that you kept making new links between people, even when the old ones faded. They hadn’t stopped being the Marauders just because they weren’t learning to be animagi any more. They wouldn’t stop just because some of them fancied, well, people. That was the thing about friends - you changed with them and they changed with you.
“What are you going to do then?” he asked.
“Dunno. Wait and see if I change my mind.”
“That’s the crappiest of your crappy plans yet.”
“Think of something better.”
“Don’t ask me. Pete’s the detail man.”
“I am not asking Wormtail for dating advice.”
“He’s pulled more than the rest of us put together.”
“No.”
There was another long silence and James said, “Be getting dark soon.”
“Want to race back?”
“Why not? Tell you something, though.”
“What?”
“I am never getting ill again.”
Sirius snorted. “I never get ill.” Then he sank into the black dog and James stretched into the stag and they went thundering away down the mountain.