Zuka Dream
I actually had this dream Wednesday night but I was out all day yesterday so had no chance to actually write about it.
But ever had one of those dreams that is so good that you wake up wanting to cry when you realize it wasn't real? And you desperately want to go back to sleep so you can return to it but you know it won't come back. And it always ends right before a really good part too. Yeah, had one of those.
I think it's because I was watching quite a bit of Takarazuka the night before. I totally had a dream that I was in Japan and they were doing a revival show of the 2002 Hanagumi Elisabeth cast. Like everyone from that show came back to do just one special performance of it and I got to go to it. Not only was I there, I was even in the front row. And it felt so real. Then during the intermission I noticed several girls around me get up and run out this one door, so I followed, and turned out there was a special secret autograph session with Sumire Haruno. But I woke up right as I was about to meet her. T______T
lol Of course that dream was so insanely farfetched 'cause like they only do special things like that for the fanclubs and all. And I would never be able to get a ticket that good even if something like that ever happened...and it won't. But yeah, as silly as it sounds, I was trying real hard not to cry when I woke up. 'Cause it was just like further realization that even though I do plan to go back to Japan to see a Takarazuka show live in the future (aiming for 2014 'cause its the 100th year anniversary...though wondering if that might be stupid for someone like me who probably has very little chance of actually getting tickets during that time)...all my favorites are retired and I'll never get the chance to see any of them. I mean I have gotten into some of the newer siennes and all but I won't get to see any of the ones that I've obsessed over and have gotten me into the fandom.
And I just have this forever horrible sense of regret because I WAS IN JAPAN when most of my favorites were still in Takarazuka. I even got the flyer for Akatsuki no Roma while there as that was the current show running. But I didn't know enough to know how the hell to even get a ticket and out schedule was already made up...but I just think that if I had thought ahead of time that I probably could have figured it out, especially considering my professor was a fan and would have been totally cool with helping me get a ticket. She even said while there that maybe we could try to fit one in and I got all excited but then was pretty crestfallen when she said there just wasn't the time to figure it out. I was actually kinda upset at her too 'cause right after we left, she stayed there for an extra week and DID go seek Akatsuki no Roma (so I know that means the tickets weren't sold out). So its just the fact that I COULD have seen a show with one of my favorites (Sena Jun) but didn't. And the worst part was that on the last day there and we're in one of the train stations and several of the people in our group are all "Lyn...don't turn around..." and pffft of course I'm going to look after you say that! But there. On the wall behind me. Was a poster for Phantom. With my Osa. Starting several weeks after we'd be gone. And well at the time I was sad but was more like "Oh well" it wasn't til like months later that I got even more into it and really started regretting that I never got to see that show. *sigh*
I guess I've just been more depressed about it lately 'cause I've been watching a lot of shows in the last few weeks and reading over reviews and just noticing how the large majority of the fandom has already seen at least one show. And how most of them are fluent in Japanese and are either over there already or constantly going there and so of course have already seen their favorites in action. And even those who haven't been able to see a show yet, they at least know more Japanese than me and have a much bigger knowledge and yet here I am, having been into the fandom longer than the vast majority of them and yet I have nothing to show for it. So its like I want to be more involved and talk to more fans but I'm always scared because I know my lack of knowledge and the fact I don't have as big of a collection as most, makes it harder to really talk to me about it. I dunno, I just feel stupid and sad that I didn't try to know more about it earlier on and tried harder at learning more Japanese. I am now but feels like I've missed a lot of great opportunities.
~Lyn
But ever had one of those dreams that is so good that you wake up wanting to cry when you realize it wasn't real? And you desperately want to go back to sleep so you can return to it but you know it won't come back. And it always ends right before a really good part too. Yeah, had one of those.
I think it's because I was watching quite a bit of Takarazuka the night before. I totally had a dream that I was in Japan and they were doing a revival show of the 2002 Hanagumi Elisabeth cast. Like everyone from that show came back to do just one special performance of it and I got to go to it. Not only was I there, I was even in the front row. And it felt so real. Then during the intermission I noticed several girls around me get up and run out this one door, so I followed, and turned out there was a special secret autograph session with Sumire Haruno. But I woke up right as I was about to meet her. T______T
lol Of course that dream was so insanely farfetched 'cause like they only do special things like that for the fanclubs and all. And I would never be able to get a ticket that good even if something like that ever happened...and it won't. But yeah, as silly as it sounds, I was trying real hard not to cry when I woke up. 'Cause it was just like further realization that even though I do plan to go back to Japan to see a Takarazuka show live in the future (aiming for 2014 'cause its the 100th year anniversary...though wondering if that might be stupid for someone like me who probably has very little chance of actually getting tickets during that time)...all my favorites are retired and I'll never get the chance to see any of them. I mean I have gotten into some of the newer siennes and all but I won't get to see any of the ones that I've obsessed over and have gotten me into the fandom.
And I just have this forever horrible sense of regret because I WAS IN JAPAN when most of my favorites were still in Takarazuka. I even got the flyer for Akatsuki no Roma while there as that was the current show running. But I didn't know enough to know how the hell to even get a ticket and out schedule was already made up...but I just think that if I had thought ahead of time that I probably could have figured it out, especially considering my professor was a fan and would have been totally cool with helping me get a ticket. She even said while there that maybe we could try to fit one in and I got all excited but then was pretty crestfallen when she said there just wasn't the time to figure it out. I was actually kinda upset at her too 'cause right after we left, she stayed there for an extra week and DID go seek Akatsuki no Roma (so I know that means the tickets weren't sold out). So its just the fact that I COULD have seen a show with one of my favorites (Sena Jun) but didn't. And the worst part was that on the last day there and we're in one of the train stations and several of the people in our group are all "Lyn...don't turn around..." and pffft of course I'm going to look after you say that! But there. On the wall behind me. Was a poster for Phantom. With my Osa. Starting several weeks after we'd be gone. And well at the time I was sad but was more like "Oh well" it wasn't til like months later that I got even more into it and really started regretting that I never got to see that show. *sigh*
I guess I've just been more depressed about it lately 'cause I've been watching a lot of shows in the last few weeks and reading over reviews and just noticing how the large majority of the fandom has already seen at least one show. And how most of them are fluent in Japanese and are either over there already or constantly going there and so of course have already seen their favorites in action. And even those who haven't been able to see a show yet, they at least know more Japanese than me and have a much bigger knowledge and yet here I am, having been into the fandom longer than the vast majority of them and yet I have nothing to show for it. So its like I want to be more involved and talk to more fans but I'm always scared because I know my lack of knowledge and the fact I don't have as big of a collection as most, makes it harder to really talk to me about it. I dunno, I just feel stupid and sad that I didn't try to know more about it earlier on and tried harder at learning more Japanese. I am now but feels like I've missed a lot of great opportunities.
~Lyn