THE VERY GRUMPY PROFOPILLAR
THE VERY GRUMPY PROFOPILLAR
(with thanks and apologies to Eric Carle)
In the light of the moon, a little grad student lay on the leaf. The sun came out, and POP, out of grad school came a tiny, and VERY GRUMPY profopillar. She started to look for something to do.
On Monday, she submitted 1 article. But she was still grumpy.
On Tuesday, she wrote 2 grants. But she was still grumpy.
On Wednesday, she taught 3 classes. But she was still grumpy.
On Thursday, she attended 4 committee meetings. But she was still grumpy.
On Friday, she advised 5 graduate students. But she was still grumpy.
On Saturday, she wrote 1 book review, 1 conference abstract, 1 response to an angry dean, 1 book chapter, 1 course proposal, 1 statement of teaching philosophy, 1 statement of research agenda, 1 newsletter section, 1 encyclopedia entry, 1 peer review of a rather lousy article, 1 plagiarism report, 1 draft of a resignation letter, 1 syllabus, and 1 personal email involving watermelon.
That night she had a panic attack.
On Sunday, the profopillar ate a nice big TON OF CHOCOLATE CAKE, and then she felt much better. But she was not a little profopillar anymore, she was a big, fat profopillar (all true).
She built a big house of paperwork around herself, called the TENURE DOSSIER, and stayed inside for the whole 8 months...
........
........
Then she shredded a hole in the paperwork, pushed her way out, and -
she was a beautiful TENUREFLY!!!
(with thanks and apologies to Eric Carle)
In the light of the moon, a little grad student lay on the leaf. The sun came out, and POP, out of grad school came a tiny, and VERY GRUMPY profopillar. She started to look for something to do.
On Monday, she submitted 1 article. But she was still grumpy.
On Tuesday, she wrote 2 grants. But she was still grumpy.
On Wednesday, she taught 3 classes. But she was still grumpy.
On Thursday, she attended 4 committee meetings. But she was still grumpy.
On Friday, she advised 5 graduate students. But she was still grumpy.
On Saturday, she wrote 1 book review, 1 conference abstract, 1 response to an angry dean, 1 book chapter, 1 course proposal, 1 statement of teaching philosophy, 1 statement of research agenda, 1 newsletter section, 1 encyclopedia entry, 1 peer review of a rather lousy article, 1 plagiarism report, 1 draft of a resignation letter, 1 syllabus, and 1 personal email involving watermelon.
That night she had a panic attack.
On Sunday, the profopillar ate a nice big TON OF CHOCOLATE CAKE, and then she felt much better. But she was not a little profopillar anymore, she was a big, fat profopillar (all true).
She built a big house of paperwork around herself, called the TENURE DOSSIER, and stayed inside for the whole 8 months...
........
........
Then she shredded a hole in the paperwork, pushed her way out, and -
she was a beautiful TENUREFLY!!!