(no subject)
well I've decided im going to do a bit of a ramble as I don't usually write anything:)
Ive bee doing this (ednos, actually really anorexia and then turned to bulimia) for 5 years nowgoing on 6... and it's killing me. Not actually physically (well it is actually but anyway...) but mentally.
I have so many good friends and I feel like everytime I'm around them I am lying to them... I know that's stupid but that's just how I feel.
Eveyday is a struggle not to constantly think about food and how fat Ive become...
I even went on some pro-ana sites and they said if you go on this site, you are not dieseased, because you have made the choice to starvation. I went on these sites because I guess I figured, if at least I had made the desicion to become what I have, I could blame myself for what has happened. That probably didn't make any sense but It does (in a weird way to me)...
I'm just finding life a struggle at the moment...i HAVE been gettting like 5-7 hours sleep every night... I have my farewell party this saturday and Im stressing about that(. Im leaving for a year to go do a fashion design course in new zealand. )
I'll write something longer later
xoxo
Ive bee doing this (ednos, actually really anorexia and then turned to bulimia) for 5 years nowgoing on 6... and it's killing me. Not actually physically (well it is actually but anyway...) but mentally.
I have so many good friends and I feel like everytime I'm around them I am lying to them... I know that's stupid but that's just how I feel.
Eveyday is a struggle not to constantly think about food and how fat Ive become...
I even went on some pro-ana sites and they said if you go on this site, you are not dieseased, because you have made the choice to starvation. I went on these sites because I guess I figured, if at least I had made the desicion to become what I have, I could blame myself for what has happened. That probably didn't make any sense but It does (in a weird way to me)...
I'm just finding life a struggle at the moment...i HAVE been gettting like 5-7 hours sleep every night... I have my farewell party this saturday and Im stressing about that(. Im leaving for a year to go do a fashion design course in new zealand. )
I'll write something longer later
xoxo