I get so sick of grumbling...
So, Wednesday was the day of the BA interviews and it looks like it was a partially successful exercise. 'Well, one BA is better than none!" I said to my line manager. 'Yes,' he agreed. Not 'You've done a great job of filling in' or 'I wish there was a way we could have got you the post' or ANYTHING remotely encouraging or supportive. I keep telling myself to be more Zen, to move past all the anger, to just not let it get me down, but really... Of course, my statement also ignores the fact that he's a BA, I suppose...
There are ways he and our boss could have made this work for me. They could have recognised all the work I've done (and am DOING) that's above my grade and at least got me some remuneration for that. But, despite a number of conversations where I've tried to put my case, they have simply shrugged their shoulders and said, 'Sorry - nothing we can do'. Whether they haven't sought advice from the right people, or haven't asked the right questions, or have just been given the wrong information, the result is the same.
I don't believe anyone 'has it in for me' - it's not a case of anyone actively working against my interests. Nobody cares enough about me to do that. And that's what it comes down to. I have value for them whilst I'm there but not enough for them to actively work to keep me. If I left tomorrow, they'd wish me luck and promptly forget they ever knew me, I'm convinced.
So, we move forward with the coaching (training days lined up in November and December - need to get two days formally signed off as 'study leave'), and the novel, and we look at the PhD/ teaching angle. And we continue to look for work elsewhere, and continue to look into going it alone (which makes me really nervous but at least my boss would REALLY appreciate me!).
There are ways he and our boss could have made this work for me. They could have recognised all the work I've done (and am DOING) that's above my grade and at least got me some remuneration for that. But, despite a number of conversations where I've tried to put my case, they have simply shrugged their shoulders and said, 'Sorry - nothing we can do'. Whether they haven't sought advice from the right people, or haven't asked the right questions, or have just been given the wrong information, the result is the same.
I don't believe anyone 'has it in for me' - it's not a case of anyone actively working against my interests. Nobody cares enough about me to do that. And that's what it comes down to. I have value for them whilst I'm there but not enough for them to actively work to keep me. If I left tomorrow, they'd wish me luck and promptly forget they ever knew me, I'm convinced.
So, we move forward with the coaching (training days lined up in November and December - need to get two days formally signed off as 'study leave'), and the novel, and we look at the PhD/ teaching angle. And we continue to look for work elsewhere, and continue to look into going it alone (which makes me really nervous but at least my boss would REALLY appreciate me!).