(no subject)
So, I think I've come to the conclusion that my body is way too weak to be meant to handle harder drugs. The other night I had ANOTHER bad night on shrooms- it was exactly like the last time. I thought I would be mentally stable this time but I guess I have some underlying trauma that I haven't acknowledged. I never seem to fucking learn my lesson. Now I know why things don't work out the way I want them to. Spent the whole night in panic, terror, and dread, while dry heaving for around and hour. I was heaving so hard that I broke about 953853945 blood vessels in my face and neck. My face looks like one big hickey. It also didn't help that at 9:00 the next morning, I had to go to the dentist. He prodded and poked my sore tooth for nearly two hours, in which he shot me up with Novacaine twice because after one dosage, it still hurt. Best part is, this is one trip of about three. The cavitiy tooth spread the the tooth next to it, so they filled that one, and the cavity tooth is blessed to undergo a ROOT CANAL. And then I have some two other cavities on the other side of my mouth, just to ice the cake.
It was around the early AM the night I came back from bad trippage that I also aquired the flu. So, along with drug recovery, dentist torture (while sick), and looking forward to a lovely root canal, I can't breathe out of my nose, eat, stand up, and I'm constantly sweating because it's so fucking hot, but at the same time I get miserably cold which is unbearable. I constantly have headaches, and my ligaments hurt. And my mom just called the doctor so now I have to go in for an emergency checkup because my mom said I have a rash and that I might have strep. More update later.
Like I said, the winter only brings grief.
THE DOCTOR SAYS...
So the doctor prescribed me to two nasal decongestant sprays, told my mom that it was broken blood vessels and not a rash, prescribed me to Advair for one reason or another, and some other shit that I forgot what the purpose was for. And he asked me if it was possible that I was pregnant. Um, no thank you sir. So now I'm at home, cold and hot and miserable- and Christmas is in two days so I think I'll be a lot happier.
I also have a New Years resolution to take care of myself a lot better than I have the past year or so, because I do deserve to be happy and I seem to just be fucking myself over, what with all my experimental drug usage. I mean, I always get sick or depressed or paranoid- I need to make myself like, naturally happy first. And if I get to that point, maybe there won't be a reason to use that shit at all.
It was around the early AM the night I came back from bad trippage that I also aquired the flu. So, along with drug recovery, dentist torture (while sick), and looking forward to a lovely root canal, I can't breathe out of my nose, eat, stand up, and I'm constantly sweating because it's so fucking hot, but at the same time I get miserably cold which is unbearable. I constantly have headaches, and my ligaments hurt. And my mom just called the doctor so now I have to go in for an emergency checkup because my mom said I have a rash and that I might have strep. More update later.
Like I said, the winter only brings grief.
THE DOCTOR SAYS...
So the doctor prescribed me to two nasal decongestant sprays, told my mom that it was broken blood vessels and not a rash, prescribed me to Advair for one reason or another, and some other shit that I forgot what the purpose was for. And he asked me if it was possible that I was pregnant. Um, no thank you sir. So now I'm at home, cold and hot and miserable- and Christmas is in two days so I think I'll be a lot happier.
I also have a New Years resolution to take care of myself a lot better than I have the past year or so, because I do deserve to be happy and I seem to just be fucking myself over, what with all my experimental drug usage. I mean, I always get sick or depressed or paranoid- I need to make myself like, naturally happy first. And if I get to that point, maybe there won't be a reason to use that shit at all.