closure?
I know I know, all of my journal entries have been pretty depressing since day one. But to be honest, it's because I'm not at my best when I'm sitting in front of a computer screen, looking and searching through my own problems, evaluating them, mulling over them. I'm the happiest when I'm with people who care about me and who I care about.
I feel like almost every single entry has been about the same thing, the same general problem, headed to the same general end: acceptance and the ability to move on. If only that end were anywhere in sight...
There are times when I'm out with friends or doing something physical that I think I'm so far from THIS problem, so beyond it that I forget that it has a name or a face, a life all it's own. A life in which I play a harshly minimal role. And then, in the midst of my evaluation and mulling over THIS problem, something wells up from the very chasm of my being and I wonder: am I ready for that end? Am I really ready to move on? Am I ready to accept? What is that I continue to hang on to that keeps me from maximizing on anything? It's like being diagnosed with a malignant cancer and being reluctant to have it removed: it makes no sense, but it identifies every single point of weakness that plagues me perhaps.
I've been worn down by THIS problem and I don't want it to go any further. Because THIS problem is not so easily solved, I just want to let go and forgive. I want to be able to live my life without this burden. I don't want to hold on to the possibilities or missed opportunities when they are the very things that keep me holding on, the very things that are killing me.
I'm gonna end this entry with a smile for the seeminly small step that I've taken. There. See? I'm done. I don't want anymore of this. THIS problem is now THAT problem. Thank you...
I feel like almost every single entry has been about the same thing, the same general problem, headed to the same general end: acceptance and the ability to move on. If only that end were anywhere in sight...
There are times when I'm out with friends or doing something physical that I think I'm so far from THIS problem, so beyond it that I forget that it has a name or a face, a life all it's own. A life in which I play a harshly minimal role. And then, in the midst of my evaluation and mulling over THIS problem, something wells up from the very chasm of my being and I wonder: am I ready for that end? Am I really ready to move on? Am I ready to accept? What is that I continue to hang on to that keeps me from maximizing on anything? It's like being diagnosed with a malignant cancer and being reluctant to have it removed: it makes no sense, but it identifies every single point of weakness that plagues me perhaps.
I've been worn down by THIS problem and I don't want it to go any further. Because THIS problem is not so easily solved, I just want to let go and forgive. I want to be able to live my life without this burden. I don't want to hold on to the possibilities or missed opportunities when they are the very things that keep me holding on, the very things that are killing me.
I'm gonna end this entry with a smile for the seeminly small step that I've taken. There. See? I'm done. I don't want anymore of this. THIS problem is now THAT problem. Thank you...