A letter home
Dear Mom and Dad,
If you are reading this, then I have already left Green Bay forever.
I'm still a little queasy when I read that, but I know that will evaporate once the lines of the road have given me direction. I've wasted far too much of my life sitting around here waiting for the life that I deserve to happen to me. So I'm making it happen now, while I still can.
There's no real reason to worry about me. I've been saving, and I have a pretty concrete plan. The timetable I have mapped out is still pretty loose, but as it stands, I'm heading west to see Kurt's wedding and then moving on to settle down until I hear from the universities I've applied to for the fall semester. I've taken all my bills with me, and plan to keep them up. I have a place to stay and people that I know well taking me under their wing. Best Buy said that I'm eligible for rehire anywhere in the US and they have given me some very solid references to go on. I have more of a plan than just working at Best Buy elsewhere (Best Buy would be more of a back up, a just in case scenario) but I don't want to divulge anything else until I've got more information.
I'm doing this because I've been watching the walls of this city closing in on me for years, and it's finally reached a point where escape is my last best chance for a real life. I want to make you guys proud to be my parents, not steadily trying to bump me in the right direction. All signs point towards leaving, and I've already made the proper arrangements. I couldn't tell you these things to your faces, because despite all my bravado I am still in some ways a coward when it comes to being up front with you about my personal life. Also, I had no way of predicting how you guys would react, and I wanted the last time I saw you both face to face to be a happy and memorable one. I don't want to cause you guys any more sadness than I already have, and I felt that if I had stayed here, that would be all I have to offer you.
You might be wondering why I would do something that at first glance seems so careless and impulsive. But then you might remember that 30 years ago, a young woman chose to go to school far away from everything she ever knew. Or a man fresh from armed conflict saw too many negative things around him and left for greener pastures. You both have made similar moves in your own life, and I can't help but think that you don't regret them. In many ways, I'm carrying on a well tread tradition of finally leaving the nest, abandoning my safety net, making a leap of faith with the aim of making a better life for myself. One of the biggest things I've learned over these past five years is that I have a bad habit of missing opportunities for myself and paying dearly for them over the long haul. My opportunities here in this town have run out, and I see a string of negatives lined up before me, waiting to end my bright future. I've learned to trust in my ability, even when others around me doubt it. That's something that started with the both of you and the excellent job you've done of raising a self-capable man. Even back in school, on the days when I felt like the lowest creature on earth, you both never ceased to prove to me that I came from great people and was a great person. That I can do anything if I want it bad enough. And that I am capable of success. By making this journey, I am seeking to fulfill the potential you both know I possess.
I was limiting my potential by staying in Green Bay, so I'm grabbing the brass ring and making a step towards freedom and prosperity away from here. Please, before you get angry or sad or frustrated at what it is I'm doing, know that I'm doing exactly what you raised me to do. And that is to man up to my own life and make things happen for myself instead of waiting for a handout or worse. I love you both more than my petty knowledge of catch phrases will ever convey, and I do this as much for me as I do for the both of you. I restrained myself from visiting more often because I felt like I was living below my own personal standards and felt like I had betrayed everything you had taught me. Well, now I'm tasked with taking my life in my own hands, and I'm doing it with vigor. I know the road ahead won't be easy, but as my own personal battle cry states, “Nothing worthwhile is without risk.”
Don't be sad or scared for me. Be happy that I finally found a way out, and got out without becoming a statistic of the judicial system or becoming a young parent. I cannot be resigned to serving out the rest of my days as another of the walking dead in this city of lost souls. I want better for myself, and I don't question that you want better for me too. That's why I know that after the initial hurt and shock dissipate, you both will realize that there is now, as there has always been, logic to my madness. Grandpa showed me the way, and if he can do it, so can I.
I will be in touch with you once I've gotten things squared away. Until then, be satisfied in the knowledge that I am well, and for the first time in my life happy and excited for all the things my future holds. This has been my calling, and now I rise to meet it.
With love, your son
Mendal
If you are reading this, then I have already left Green Bay forever.
I'm still a little queasy when I read that, but I know that will evaporate once the lines of the road have given me direction. I've wasted far too much of my life sitting around here waiting for the life that I deserve to happen to me. So I'm making it happen now, while I still can.
There's no real reason to worry about me. I've been saving, and I have a pretty concrete plan. The timetable I have mapped out is still pretty loose, but as it stands, I'm heading west to see Kurt's wedding and then moving on to settle down until I hear from the universities I've applied to for the fall semester. I've taken all my bills with me, and plan to keep them up. I have a place to stay and people that I know well taking me under their wing. Best Buy said that I'm eligible for rehire anywhere in the US and they have given me some very solid references to go on. I have more of a plan than just working at Best Buy elsewhere (Best Buy would be more of a back up, a just in case scenario) but I don't want to divulge anything else until I've got more information.
I'm doing this because I've been watching the walls of this city closing in on me for years, and it's finally reached a point where escape is my last best chance for a real life. I want to make you guys proud to be my parents, not steadily trying to bump me in the right direction. All signs point towards leaving, and I've already made the proper arrangements. I couldn't tell you these things to your faces, because despite all my bravado I am still in some ways a coward when it comes to being up front with you about my personal life. Also, I had no way of predicting how you guys would react, and I wanted the last time I saw you both face to face to be a happy and memorable one. I don't want to cause you guys any more sadness than I already have, and I felt that if I had stayed here, that would be all I have to offer you.
You might be wondering why I would do something that at first glance seems so careless and impulsive. But then you might remember that 30 years ago, a young woman chose to go to school far away from everything she ever knew. Or a man fresh from armed conflict saw too many negative things around him and left for greener pastures. You both have made similar moves in your own life, and I can't help but think that you don't regret them. In many ways, I'm carrying on a well tread tradition of finally leaving the nest, abandoning my safety net, making a leap of faith with the aim of making a better life for myself. One of the biggest things I've learned over these past five years is that I have a bad habit of missing opportunities for myself and paying dearly for them over the long haul. My opportunities here in this town have run out, and I see a string of negatives lined up before me, waiting to end my bright future. I've learned to trust in my ability, even when others around me doubt it. That's something that started with the both of you and the excellent job you've done of raising a self-capable man. Even back in school, on the days when I felt like the lowest creature on earth, you both never ceased to prove to me that I came from great people and was a great person. That I can do anything if I want it bad enough. And that I am capable of success. By making this journey, I am seeking to fulfill the potential you both know I possess.
I was limiting my potential by staying in Green Bay, so I'm grabbing the brass ring and making a step towards freedom and prosperity away from here. Please, before you get angry or sad or frustrated at what it is I'm doing, know that I'm doing exactly what you raised me to do. And that is to man up to my own life and make things happen for myself instead of waiting for a handout or worse. I love you both more than my petty knowledge of catch phrases will ever convey, and I do this as much for me as I do for the both of you. I restrained myself from visiting more often because I felt like I was living below my own personal standards and felt like I had betrayed everything you had taught me. Well, now I'm tasked with taking my life in my own hands, and I'm doing it with vigor. I know the road ahead won't be easy, but as my own personal battle cry states, “Nothing worthwhile is without risk.”
Don't be sad or scared for me. Be happy that I finally found a way out, and got out without becoming a statistic of the judicial system or becoming a young parent. I cannot be resigned to serving out the rest of my days as another of the walking dead in this city of lost souls. I want better for myself, and I don't question that you want better for me too. That's why I know that after the initial hurt and shock dissipate, you both will realize that there is now, as there has always been, logic to my madness. Grandpa showed me the way, and if he can do it, so can I.
I will be in touch with you once I've gotten things squared away. Until then, be satisfied in the knowledge that I am well, and for the first time in my life happy and excited for all the things my future holds. This has been my calling, and now I rise to meet it.
With love, your son
Mendal