Hospitals.
Today is Mel's surgery. I'm in the waiting room. Took the day off work. Bought an obnoxious neon yellow shirt. Basically, her iris is being detached from her eye. Which freaks me out. I've often felt like losing a sense would make me go crazy. The rare chance I loose a limb. Which would mean no more music, art or all of the things that I love doing. I'm impressed with how well she's been handling it. No fear. Dang. But after today she will see 20/20 for the first time in her life. I think that's pretty cool.
Hospitals always freak me out. For a few reasons. I visited my grandpa once in the hospital when he was quite ill. That experience has stuck with me. His hands sickly shaking as he held my wrist. My uncle, probably in the next wing over, sick from diabetes. That kid in high school passing out in the er wing on our school field trip. The general problems i have with the healthcare industry, meds, doctors, seizures, germs. It just bothers me because it reminds me that I as a human am subject to vulnerabilities just like anyone else. Makes me think of things like death etc. I know Mel will be just fine but the thoughts I have whilst in scenarios like this make my stomach sour and all I have in there is coffee. Lots of coffee.
Now some poetic shit.
Trapped in an unnerving flurry. I've got my sheet metal shovel. A strong back. I'm ready to squirm and wiggle my hands and lips slickly out of it. I much prefer beautiful sunsets to this. The righteous part about aridity is it quick changes. Like losing a game of connect four. So animated. Am i weary or just cloyed? I've conjured this fleeting moment before. Naturally I throw snow over my shoulder until I'm clear to steer in. what if i need calm. Peace. fine light. I'm stuck in this white fluff. Breadless.
I'm cushy. If I loose my limbs. I'll have to dig with my feet. I can loose the want to habit my torso.
should you return.