More often than not.
It has been nearly 8 years since I have written in this. My how time flies. I know that at some point everyone has had someone older tell them that after high school you look up and wonder where the time went and in this case it isnt any different. So much has changed. Eight years is a long time and there is no way that I can sum it up, so we will just go along and revisit the past when needed. Whenever I have had any feelings that were overwhelming, or just things I didnt know how to handle in the past writing has always been my outlet. I think part of the jams that I have gotten into lately is because I have lost so much of myself as I mature. I miss the old me, I miss the me that no matter how bad things were I always knew there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. I miss the me that was outgoing, and made friends everywhere I went. I miss the happy me. I miss the way that I once felt, the way that I used to make myself feel. At one point I thought that I had my entire life ahead of me, and now I feel that I am just going to get left behind. I know that there are some issues that I need to deal with but I am not sure at to what they are. I just know that they are holding me back from the person that I want to be, the person that I have seen myself being. I used to dream, and dream big. I once believed that all things that you dream can one day become a reality with the right amount of hard work and perseverance. I dont know how to get that back. I tried distractions and all I ended up with are disappointments. I will be the first to say never let anyone take your happiness away from you. I let that happen, and though I am getting it back those moments of weakness never stop coming. I dont know if it has anything to do with everyone that I have ever loved has left or disappointed me. I dont know why those feeling may be just now surfacing or why? I would really like just a road map of the next step. I just really need some direction because I am a bit smarter but still just as confused as I was 8 years ago.