Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - A Little Hitch - 14/18
Title: A Little Hitch
Author: shuichin or Shuichi
Genre: Angst/Romance/Humor
Pairings: Kaoru x Kyo, various others
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Crossover. When a new client comes to Kaoru for relationship help, the "date doctor" needs to learn the differences between lust and love.
Notes: N/A
Part 14: Fate Steps In
Of course, I didn't succeed. Obviously, if I'm here telling you this story. Bluntly stating that I planned to kill myself rings hollow when I'm talking to you.
I got in my car and drove. I drove recklessly, hoping to God there was a cliff nearby I could drive the car off of. The lightning flashed and the storm caused the dirt streets by where Gackt lived to turn to mud. I was going just a little too fast and when I turned a corner, I completely lost control of my car. As it spun around, I shut my eyes and prepared to cross over to the other side. But that's not what happened. The car flew off the road and nose-planted in a ditch. I was bruised and there was a cut on my forehead, but I would live. "Damnit!" I swore. "I just want to fucking die!"
I sat there for a long time, hopelessly trying to figure out another way to end my life. Well, I'll admit that my thoughts were mostly on Kyo. His hurt visage kept flashing before my eyes. I wanted to cry, but I felt void of tears. I guess I'd cried too many.
And then I noticed something. The ditch was filling with water from the heavy rainstorm. I'd never wanted to die of drowning, because it's essentially suffocation and sounds very painful, but I didn't care anymore. I leaned my head back on the seat and awaited my doom.
But Fate had other plans for me. He was driving along, on his way home, and happened to spy my car in the ditch. He got out and hurriedly made his way down the slope and to my door. "Kaoru?" He gasped when he saw me illuminated by the car's headlights.
"Yoshiki," I croaked. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I was driving home. What happened? Are you alright? Let's get you out of here before you drown."
I didn't have the energy to argue. I let him open the door, unbuckle me, and pull me out. He took my keys out of the ignition and slipped them in my pocket before helping me to climb back up to the road. within minutes we were in his warm car, heading down the muddy street. All was quiet for awhile. Then I decided to speak.
"You should have left me there."
He looked at me incredulously. "You would have died."
"I wanted to," I snapped back, glaring at him.
He ran a hand through his wet tresses and then rested it on my shoulder. "Have things gotten worse with Kyo?"
Yoshiki was probably the last person I wanted to tell this to. After all the pep talks he'd given me...after hearing all about his pure, untainted love for hide... I couldn't bear to tell him of my worst sin. But I did anyway. When I finished, I flinched away from him, expecting him to smack me or something. What I didn't expect him to do was laugh.
But that's what he did. It started out as a chuckle, but turned into a loud, mirthy laugh that made me want to open the door and jump out, regardless of how fast the vehicle was going. "Yoshiki? Have you finally lost all sanity?" I asked cautiously.
He sighed and shook his head. "Oh, Kaoru...I can't believe you would think it's all over because of this."
"...Isn't it?"
He snorted. "I certainly hope not. After all, worse things have happened to cause two lovers hardships."
I clenched my fist. "I tried to rape him and bloody Gackt saved the day. What could be worse than that?"
His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "He could be dead."
I beat my head against the dashboard. No matter what happened between Kyo and I, Yoshiki would always have the upperhand. He could always tell me to get my act together and get back on top of things. Because no matter how bad things got between the two of us, unless one of us died, Yoshiki's hardships outdid ours. At the moment, I couldn't help but feel that was incredibly unfair. I wanted him to pat me on the head and throw me a little pity party. But of course, he wouldn't. He would never unless Kyo died. I was finally beginning to understand that about Yoshiki.
"hide loved to watch gangster movies," Yoshiki said suddenly. "I don't know if you knew that. I find them to be incredibly stupid films, but hide just adored them. One time we rented The Godfather. When Calo said, 'In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns,' I laughed and said that they were like that everywhere. He got really upset. Even though we were dating, he still thought women were great. We soon were in a full-blown argument, both yelling and saying things we never meant. In the end I stomped out like an immature child. We didn't see each other for a week. And then he came back to me. I was in a meeting at work and...oh god, I'll never forget it. The door opened and he slowly came in, bowing repeatedly and uttering apologies. I'll wager his hair was the brightest thing that room had ever seen. My superiors were in shock--especially when he came over and settled himself on my lap. He played with my tie--something he was very fond of doing--and told me he was sorry for everything he'd said. He said he didn't want us to be apart because he loved me. I told him the same. Then he kissed me. Oh, god, it was wonderful. He sucked on my lip and then giggled as only he could... He moved sensually against me, completely ignoring the whispers and shocked gasps coming from the others in the room. I forgot they were there as I moaned, my manhood reaching peaks to rival the highest mountains... His tongue was so velvety and smooth and warm as it rubbed against mine... But the greater friction came from his pulsating member, meeting with mine and sending us both into a whirlwind of passion and fevered kisses, our hands finding those places that only we knew about and--"
"OKAY, I GET IT!" I exclaimed, my fucking hard-on returning because of his goddamn reminiscing.
He sighed and rubbed his temple. "Gomen. My memories are all I have left, so I cherish them."
"I noticed," I mumbled, drawing my legs up so he couldn't see the bulge in my pants.
"Now what was my point?" He asked himself as we pulled into a driveway.
He got out and I followed him to an enormous mansion--almost as big as Gackt's. I looked over at him. "So you live in the same part of town as Gackt?"
"Ah yes," he said, with an exclamitory waving of the hand, "now I remember. Kaoru, you and Kyo are soulmates. I think that's obvious. No matter what comes between you, you will conquer the odds. You will reunite. He will come back to you. Welcome to my home. Would you mind staying here for the night? I'm much too tired to take you to your own place right now."
I blinked. Suddenly we were inside and when did he mention his house? I was so confused. His words flowed so well...but somewhere he'd changed the subject... I said the only thing my brain could think of. "Huh?"
"You don't mind staying the night here, do you? I have plenty of room..."
I gave a half-hearted nod. "Sure."
He led me to a room with a large, four-poster bed and rich furnishings. He stayed and watched me as I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into the bed, blushing because he'd obviously seen my erection. "Um...do you not believe in privacy?" I asked when I'd pulled the covers safely over Kaoru Jr.
He smiled slightly. "I just want to make sure you don't do anything stupid."
"Like?"
"Like jumping out the window."
"Oh."
We were quiet as we stared at each other. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively. "Well? Close your eyes and go to sleep."
I swallowed. "I can't sleep. I have a--a problem."
He pointed to a door. "There's a bathroom right there. Take a cold shower."
"Doesn't help me."
He raised an eyebrow. "Alright. Then picture a fat old woman in a bikini."
I made a disguisted face. "Not working."
He shrugged. "I'm sorry. You'll just have to try to sleep with it. Maybe it will give you good dreams."
I blushed deeply. "Um...can you take care of it for me? Normally I wouldn't ask this kind of thing from anyone but Kyo, but it's really starting to ache..."
"No," he said flatly.
I sighed frustratedly. "I hate my life."
"I hate it, too," Yoshiki said uncaring. "Look, if it's going to make you a whiner I'll help, okay? But I'm not touching it."
He walked swiftly across the room. I wondered how the hell he would make me come without touching my cock. He sat on the bed and pulled off the blankets, then motioned for me to take my boxers off. So I did, my face immediately turning about five shades of red as I was exposed. He didn't comment or even blush. He just grabbed my hands and enclosed them around my erection. I gasped. He sat on my legs to keep me from moving and then began moving my hands up and down in slow, fluidy motions. My eyes shut and I leaned my head back, my worries and troubles escaping me for the time being. "Nnh...faster! Kudasai!" I panted, tightening my grip on my own cock.
Yoshiki quickened his movements and soon I took control, going at my own pace. I didn't even notice that he'd let go of me and stood. One of my hands slid down to fondle my balls and then prod my sweaty entrance. I whimpered, one person on my mind as I finger-fucked myself. I went faster and faster until I finally reached my peak and squirted into my palm. "Kyo!" I cried out, falling back against the bedsheets.
I clutched the pillow close to my chest and sobbed into it. I was vaguely aware of Yoshiki covering me with the blanket and smoothing back my hair before he left the room with a whispered, "Goodnight." Then I was alone--shuddering with sobs, and crying myself to sleep.
The next morning he dropped me off at Die and Shinya's place. We sat in the car for five minutes. I was absolutely frozen to my seat. "Kaoru?" Yoshiki queeried.
"They are going to kick me out when I tell them what I did," I said. "I can't go in there. They will be so upset."
Yoshiki sighed and unbuckled my seatbelt. "You're going in there, Kaoru. I will sit here until you do. And I have a meeting in half an hour so you had better get your ass up out of the seat and into their house."
Remember: Yoshiki is chief of police. So if he threatened me, I could believe he actually would hurt me. With a heavy sigh I got out of the car and dragged my feet up to the door. I rang the doorbell and waited. It only took about a minute for the door to open and me to come face-to-face with Die. His eyes widened and he grabbed me and pulled me inside, wrapping his arms around me in a bearhug. "Where the hell were you? God, Kaoru, are you trying to cause us even more grief? You could have at least left a message, man!"
I pulled away. "I-I'm sorry. I have to talk to you guys... We need to sit down," I said shakily.
Shinya was already in the living room, but before he could say a word to me, I sat Die down beside him on the couch and then slumped into the chair. "Listen..." I swallowed, nervously playing with a loose thread on my jacket. "Last night I couldn't sleep. So I went to the orphanage and got Rei to bring me to Shukumei. We--"
"What!?" Die and Shinya exclaimed at the same time.
Suddenly they were bombarding me with questions. I answered them as best as I could and then demanded that they be silent so I could tell them what I learned while I was there. As I expected, Die was livid. He stood, his fists clenched at his sides. "I'll kill them. I'm gonna kill the doctor and the damned orphanage lady! They are as good as dead!"
Shinya grabbed his wrist and pulled him back onto the couch. "Daisuke, that's enough. No one is going to kill anyone," he said calmly. He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, Kaoru, thank you so much for doing that!"
I ducked my head as I blushed. Die bounced up and grabbed my hands, pulling me up from my chair. "For he's a jolly good fellow!" He sang, dancing me around the room.
I pulled away harshly. "No! You can't sing that! I deserve to rot in the darkest corner of hell!" I shrieked.
Die stared at me with an open mouth. Shinya came and stood beside his koi. "Why?" He asked warily.
I told them what happened after I visited Shukumei. I watched their faces pale. Shinya sank back onto the couch, shaking his head. Die just stared at me. When I finished, I took a step backward. I didn't trust Die. He just glared at me. I stared back, my heart pounding. Finally I voiced what I'd been wondering. "A-aren't you going to hit me?"
He shook his head. "I don't even want to touch you, Kaoru," he said, his voice cold and his eyes dark. "I'm disguisted. That's low, that's very low. I thought you loved Kyo. Why the hell would you rape the man you love? You might as well forget about him. He'll never be yours now."
My throat hurt from the sobs I was trying to keep down. I wished he had hit me! It would have hurt a lot less than his words.
And then Shinya got up and approached me. I had figured Die would punch me and then Shinya would lecture me. Now I was getting two lectures. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, turning to face the bishounen.
To my surprise, he smiled at me. He took my hand and led me into the kitchen. Die was on our heels, no doubt as bewildered as I was. Shinya gestured to the table with his free hand. "Do you see those carnations?" He asked.
There was a vase of white carnations in the middle of the table. I nodded and looked at him, eyebrows raised. Where was he going with this?
He turned to face me and took both of my hands in his small, slender ones. "That carnation started out as a really ugly seed. With lots of healthy things and good sunlight, it grew into a lovely flower. It looked like it was complete, whole. But then autumn came. Its petals fluttered to the ground one by one. With winter came freezing weather and wind and soon the flower was nothing more than a root underground, buried by the cold, harsh snow. It looked done for. It seemed nothing could save it. But when the chill cleared and spring came again, the cold snow served as nutrition for the plant. So with the nutrition of the harsh winter, and the encouragement of the warm sun, the carnation once again grew into a lovely flower. And this time, it was more beautiful than it had ever been before, because it had known pain and suffering, yet it had still triumphed."
I swallowed, tears gathering at the rims of my eyes. "W-what are you saying?" I asked, my voice quavering.
Shinya reached up to hold my face in his warm palms. "Kaoru, sometimes a person's greatest mistakes are what make them into the wonderful person they become. When the winter has passed, you're going to be a beautiful carnation. You just need to keep healthy and take heart in encouragement from Die and myself. I think you love him. You messed up, that's all. If I decided not to be with Die because he messes up, we would have parted ways long ago. And I'm sure he feels the same." He glanced at his lover with a smile, and then turned back to me. "Life is comprised of seasons, Kaoru. Spring will come again."
He kissed me on the cheek and then walked over to Die. Die smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Oh Shinya...when you're right, you're right. And you--you're always right." He shrugged and extended a hand to me. "No hard feelings, Kaoru?"
I slowly slipped my hand in his and let him shake it around, wondering what the hell had just happened. And then they were both hugging me and I was basically just shocked. Turns out, I had some very good friends.
The annoying ring of my cellphone brought to end the mushy moment. I sighed and flipped it open, hissing an angry, "What?" Into the receiver.
"...Hi, Kaoru. This is Kyo."
My heart stopped beating and I sank into the chair. "Oh, hi, Kyo! I'm sorry I sounded mean, I-I didn't know it was you."
"Whatever. I was just wondering when you wanted to do this bugging thing?"
"I can do it whenever you can get me the equipment," I said, shooting annoyed glances at Die and Shinya who had sat on the couch and started staring at me like hawks the moment I mentioned Kyo's name.
"What does he want?" Die hissed.
"Tell him that you love him," Shinya breathed.
"Would you shut up!?" I growled.
"What?" Kyo snapped. "Look, if you don't want to talk to me then forget about getting my help!"
"No, no, I was talking to Die and Shinya!" I said helplessly. "Please believe me, Kyo! The sound of your voice is what keeps me alive!"
Die rolled his eyes. "Like he's gonna fall for that..."
Shinya smacked him in the arm and looked back at me. "That was so romantic, Kaoru!"
I sent them both a look and Shinya actually took the hint, grabbed Die's hand and pulled him out of the room. I sighed. "Kyo, I promise--"
"I believe you," Kyo said quietly. "You've gotten pretty crazy since we broke up. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist."
I swallowed. "Kyo, I'm so sorry--"
"Save it. I'm tired of hearing you apologize."
I took in my breath and said, "Kyo, if you're looking for the perfect partner you're going to be looking forever."
"And what the hell would you know about it!?" Kyo yelled angrily and I winced. I knew I shouldn't have said that. "Are you trying to be "Mr. Tokyo Date Doctor" now? Are you going to tell me all the things I do wrong in my relationships?"
"No!" I exclaimed, half in exasperation. "I'm just trying to tell you that...that people mess up and you'll never find someone who will never let you down."
"Kaoru, let me tell you something. Because you just don't seem to get it," Kyo said, venom dripping from his tone. "A few years ago I was dating this girl. She was the most wonderful person I had ever known. She treated me well. We spent so much time together and made so many memories. I loved her. Sometimes I think I still do. She said that she loved me. And then...then I found out that she had been cheating on me for a month. She told me that she did love me, but she just needed to see other people to make sure. So I let her. I let her see other people because I was blinded by my love for her. A year went by. We had sex...and afterward she told me that she was engaged. Engaged!" He swore vehemently.
I wondered if he'd ever told anyone any of this before. "I-I'm sorry, Kyo," I choked out, a feeling of dread descending on me. I kind of knew what was coming next.
"Quit with the fucking apologies, goddamnit!" He screeched. "That's all she said to me when she left me! 'I'm sorry, Kyo. I'm sorry, Kyo. I'm sorry, Kyo.' I'm fucking sick of it!"
"I'm sor--I mean, okay! I won't say it anymore!" I promised.
His breathing was ragged on the other end. I'm sure his eyes were flashing dangerously. Kyo's the kind of person you don't want to bother when he's angry. So I was quiet and I waited for him to finish. His breathing returned to normal and he heaved a drawn-out sigh. "Remember how I told you I became gay because I thought guys were hot? That's not completely true. I have always thought some guys were hot, Gackt being one of them, but...I'd never considered being gay because of that. When she left me I decided I was through with women. And even though I decided to be gay, I still vowed to never date again. Ever." He let out a shaky breath. "And then you came along."
Whatever was left of my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces right then. I covered my mouth with my hand so that he couldn't hear the sobs I was trying to hold back.
"I thought you were different. I fell in love with you. I broke my vow to be with you. And then you broke your vow to me, and in doing so you broke me."
"Kyo, I--"
"Don't say it!" Kyo shouted. "Don't even think it. I know you're sorry. She was sorry, too. Everyone's sorry. Oh, poor Kyo! He's small and he has ugly teeth--"
"I love your teeth and you're the perfect height!" I exclaimed, tears beginning to flow down my face.
"I don't care," he said wearily. "Look, now you know why I can't give you a second chance, Kaoru. I never should have given you a first chance. I crossed the line I set for myself and I paid for it. So now I have a new vow and it's to never date Kaoru. I'll be damned if I'm going to cross the line again."
All was quiet. I didn't have anything to say in return. My heart wanted to cry, but I made myself hold back. I was so tired of crying, so weary of sorrow.
"And about you trying to rape me..." Kyo said shakily and he had all of my attention again. "It's funny, but that doesn't even bother me that much. I'm still just far more upset about you cheating on me."
I found my voice. "But Kyo...I should go to prison for that. I can't believe--"
"I can. You always did like to think with your dick." He chuckled slightly. "That's part of what attracted me to you in the first place. Remember when we fucked in the diner bathroom?"
"How could I forget?" I whispered.
"Fucked...that's all we ever did, wasn't it? We fucked. We never made love."
"No, Kyo--"
"Well, it doesn't matter anymore either way," he interrupted. "But if you think having one last, good fuck will help you to turn the page and move on...you know where to find me."
My jaw dropped. "But-but Gackt--"
"Actually, he's the one who suggested it. He said that perhaps it could be like closure. He's an odd bird."
"And you would--"
"Gladly. If you fucking leave me alone after it."
I sighed. "No. I don't want to fuck you, Kyo. I want to make love to you. I can't do that unless you want to make love, too."
He was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was more professional. "I'll call you when I get the bugging equipment. Have a nice day."
He hung up before I could even reply. I yelled and threw the phone angrily on the floor, sinking my face into the back of the chair and once again, crying like a little baby.
* * * * *
Kyo hung up and set the phone down, letting out a shaky breath. He scooped Itami-chan into his arms. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" He asked her. "Why can't I let go of my fears and insecurities and just be with the man I love? And why does he have to be such a goddamn dickhead?"
"Nyan!" Itami-chan chirped.
He sighed and scratched behind her ears. "Oh, that's what you always say. Just once I wish you could tell me something I can understand."
He combed his fingers through her fur and looked at her thoughtfully. Then he set her down and held out both of his forefingers. "If you think I should be with Kaoru again, lick my right finger. If you think not, lick my left finger."
Itami-chan looked at him quizzically, her tail swaying back and forth. She sniffed both fingers and then licked the right one. He chuckled and picked her up, pressing her face against his. "I thought you didn't like Kaoru!"
"Nyan!" She said again.
He chuckled. "Well...we'll see. If he can prove to me that he's devoted to me and not as much of an ass as he has been...then maybe..."
Itami-chan just yawned and licked his nose.
* * * * *
Now, I wasn't very good at poker. In fact, I'm still not very good at poker. I despise the game, really. I get confused, I don't know how to bluff, and I have the worst poker face in the history of poker faces. But I was so glad Ken's poker night was that night. Because I would have gone insane with Die and Shinya. They were both still very distraught over Shukumei, though they were doing a little better since I'd told them Kyo and I were working on her case. I was absolutely depressed over my turn of events with Kyo. If you combined all of our negative feelings the entire house was like one thick depression cloud.
So I left early for Ken's poker night.
His apartment was nestled in the city. There were horns honking, lights flashing, cars zooming...the whole enchilada. By the time I finally found a place to park I had to fish out money for a parking meter. Then I had to risk life and limb, crossing streets. Finally I reached the building. I went inside and took an elevator to Ken's floor. I found apartment 47 and knocked loudly on the door. After several minutes it opened and my eyes jumped out of my head in surprise. A busty, caucasian woman stood there, nothing over her body but a towel. "Is--um--does a--erm--Ken? Ken's here?"
Well that made sense.
She tucked some hair behind her ear and pointed past me. "Oh no, he lives in apartment 48," she said with broken Japanese.
I bowed. "Sank you very much," I said in my best English before turning around and practically running to the door across the hall.
I knocked, thinking to myself that I was sure he'd told me number 47. The door opend and he stood there, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was wearing red leather pants and a leaopard print shirt that opened up and showed off his chest. Once again, a cigarette hung limply from his mouth. "So what'd you think?" He asked.
I blinked. "Eh?"
He pointed to apartment 47. "She's one hot chick, isn't she?"
My jaw dropped. "You knew that you gave me the wrong apartment?"
He laughed and motioned for me to come in. "I bet you got hard the moment she opened the door!"
"Did not!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me with raised eyebrows, sending a brief glance to my privates. "You sure?"
I growled angrily and clasped my hands together over my obvious erection. "Asshole."
He only chuckled and plopped down on a vinyl couch. "You're early."
I nodded and sat beside him. "Yeah. I've had a rough weekend...just wanted to get away, you know?"
He shrugged. "Sure. Want a beer?"
"Yeah, why not?"
He'd just returned with my ice cold beverage when there was a knock at the door. He handed it to me and said, "Would you excuse me?" Before heading back to the door.
I could see the door from the small living area and watched as he walked over to it and opened it. I immediately recognized the person behind it as Tetsu. He was dressed differently than I would have pictured him, though. Regular jeans hugged his hips and he wore a Gundam shirt with them. His hair was as crazy as I recalled it, though. He grinned and swung his arms around Ken's neck, grocery bags flying around and wacking Ken's sides. "Kenchan!" He squeeled.
I held back a chuckle as Ken rested his hands on Tetsu's thin waist. "Hey, Tet-chan."
Tetsu released him and danced inside. "I brought fruits and veggies for--" His eyes came to rest on me. "Who's this?"
I set my beer down and stood. "Uh, hi, I'm--"
"This is Kaoru. He's a new friend of mine," Ken said casually, coming up to me and resting his hand on my shoulder.
Tetsu nodded and grinned, extending his own hand. "Hi! I'm Tetsu, I'm Ken's bestest best friend in the whole world plus infinity! Nice to meet you!" He looked at Ken. "You're always making new friends, Kenchan! I brought fruits and veggies so I'll go to the kitchen and chop them up, 'mkay? Wanna help? I have BANANAS!" He squeed.
I blinked and looked at Ken with raised eyebrows. His grip on my shoulder tightened painfully for a moment and then he released it. I supposed that was a warning--say something bad about twittering Tetsu and get punched in the face. Check.
"Oi, Techan, why are you wearing those jeans and boots? You usually wear...other stuff. Like bright shorts and five-foot tall sneakers," Ken said, eyeing Tetsu's wardrobe oddly.
"Oh, Kaori-chan said I'm too old to dress like that. She says it looks too boyish!"
"But, Tetsu...you are boyish," Ken said bemusedly.
Tetsu pouted. "Am not! I'm a man, Kenchan!"
It sounded really funny coming from him and I accidentally snorted. They both looked at me. Ken was kind of glaring and Tetsu looked politely puzzled. I grinned and sat back down. "I'll just quietly drink my beer..."
Ken turned his attention back to Tetsu. "Techan, you don't need Kaori to tell you how to dress. You look fine in whatever you're wearing."
He said it so coolly...you would totally believe he was just saying it as a friend if it weren't for the subtle blush that dusted his cheeks. But Tetsu mustn't have noticed that. He laughed and waved Ken off. "Oh, Kenchan, you're so nice! Now let's go chop fruits and veggies!"
He grabbed Ken's hand and skipped into the kitchen. I just stared after them, thunderstruck. I came to a solid conclusion, though: if Tetsu wasn't dating a girl I would have bet money that he was gay. Quite gay. Either that or a child trapped in a man's body.
Moments later, the other guests had arrived: Yukihiro, Sakura, and Hyde. The pizza arrived, the fruits and veggies were chopped and arranged like a beautiful flower on a plate (very obviously Tetsu's doing), and we all had beers and cigarettes as we seated ourselves around the poker table. Well, Tetsu didn't have a cigarette.
Anyway, pretty soon we were playing and I was pleased to see that Tetsu sucked at poker more than I did. Yukihiro wasn't the greatest at it either, but I'd say he was still a little better than me. In fact, it was mostly between Ken and Sakura. Hyde didn't seem to care much if he won or lost, but after a while Tetsu began throwing fits when he lost. After our umpteenth round, he slammed his cards down on the table and wailed, "I just can't do it!" Before getting up and running into the bathroom.
Of course, he'd consumed a lot of alcohol, so that probably had something to do with it. Ken stood. "I'm sure he's fine," he shrugged.
I stood as well. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Ken?"
He led me into his bedroom and lit up another cigarette. "What's up?"
"Look, Tetsu's drunk. Don't take advantage of him, okay?" I warned. "That could damage any relationship you guys have. Our first step is getting Tetsu to break up with Kaori, no matter how tempting it might be to--"
"I get it," Ken said shortly. "Thanks."
And with that he left the room. I followed him. He knocked on the bathroom door. There was a sniffling sound from inside and I had to fight back a giggle. It was only a poker game...
"I don't want to see anyone! I hate everyone!" Tetsu moaned.
Ken shook his head. "Techan, it's me."
There was silence and then the door slowly opened and Tetsu leaped on Ken, sobbing into his chest. "Oh Kenchan! I suck at poker!" He bawled.
Ken patted his back and led him to the bedroom. "We'll only be a few minutes," he told me. "Just go chill with the guys."
I started to protest, but he shut the door in my face, cutting me off. I sighed and went back to the poker table, where Yukihiro was laughing drunkenly and Sakura was chuckling as he opened another beer. "This cat gets drunk after two gulps," he said to Hyde.
Hyde smiled slightly. "Yeah. Just don't tease him too much. Unlike must drunks, he'll remember everything in the morning."
"Weird."
They both stopped talking and looked at me apprehensively as I took back my seat. Yukihiro slumped back against his chair and snored, drool dribbling down his chin. Sakura blew out a puff of smoke. "So are you Ken's new toy?"
I gagged and slammed a hand down on the table. "Excuse me!?"
"Guess not," Hyde said with a chuckle.
Sakura shrugged. "It was just a thought."
"Wha--wha--Ken is gay?" I managed to ask.
Sakura chuckled. "When he wants to be."
"Yeah. I mean, everyone knows he has the hots for Tetsu," Hyde added.
"Except for Tetsu," Sakura snorted.
They both laughed. I rubbed my forehead. "Yeah...not like that's huge anymore, eh? I'm sure we've all liked our share of guys," I said, thinking distinctly of Kyo.
Sakura snickered. "That's right, isn't it, Hyde?"
Hyde sent him a glare, but Sakura just laughed more. He looked at me. "Hyde and I were fuckbuddies in the early days of the band."
"Sakura!" Hyde gasped. "Don't tell random strangers that! If word got out to the fans--"
"Oh, they already know."
"Nuh-uh! Now shut up!" He smacked him hard in the arm. "And anyway, we were not fuckbuddies. We were dating! Insensitive prick..."
I was gaping, I'll admit it. They didn't seem to notice, though. Sakura flicked some ashes on Yukihiro's head and then said, "Yeah, but Hyde's taste runs toward much more pretty types than me now. In fact, most would call it 'perfect,' not pretty."
Hyde gave a sigh. "Look, it was one time on the set of Moon Child, okay? There is nothing between me and Gackt."
I perked up. Sakura chortled. "Sure, sure. And that's why you lied about going on a trip with your band when you were really taking a weekend excursion with Gackt-san?"
Hyde reddened. "Megumi was bothering me...Gackt was nice, okay? Now shut up about it, it's none of your business."
Sakura nodded. "My bad. It really is none of my business, you and Gackt fucking. If that's what you like then, sure, go for it."
Hyde seethed. I stared at him. "You...you and Gackt? Do you still see each other?"
"No!" Hyde all-but shouted. "Good lord, you guys! You're just like the fangirls! 'Ohhh, Gackt and Hyde are touching each other! They must be making love to each other every night under the stars! Oh my god, Gackt said he almost kissed Hyde once! They're having an affair! Wai! Wai!'" He growled and took a long drag from his cigarette.
"I'm just...curious," I said with a slight blush.
"Pfft," Hyde said, smoke coming out through his lips in an extremely sexy way, "Gackt still wants us to be together, though. I've told him and told him that I'm married, but he just doesn't seem to get it." He rolled his eyes. "Just the other day he called me up and asked if we could 'make love on the beach,' like that one time in Taiwan."
Sakura shook his head. "I guess when you're Gackt you think--"
"Just the other day!?" I gasped. "But...he has--I mean, I heard rumors that Gackt has a boyfriend..."
Hyde snorted. "Yeah, I guess so. I met the guy. He's some rebel cop...short and psychotic. It makes me chuckle that Gackt has to go out with people like him just because he can't have me."
I stood, slamming my hands down on the table. "Go to hell!"
He looked at me, eyes widening. The cigarette fell from Sakura's lips as he, too stared at me in shock. I swallowed and slowly lowered myself back into my chair. "I mean...stop being so cocky. You're just jealous because Gackt's with him instead of you."
I quickly took a big gulp of beer, hoping the alcohol would knock me out so I would stop saying stupid things.
Hyde narrowed his eyes at me. "I can have Gackt if I want him. I just choose not to pursue something with him because I'm married."
I gave a nod. "Right, right. Um...but Gackt's the type who would cheat on his boyfriend? I never thought of him that way..."
Unbelievably, that was actually true. I'd never pictured Gackt the type to cheat on Kyo.
Hyde laughed dryly. "Don't be stupid. Gackt would never. He's waiting for me. If I tell him I'll be with him, he'll just break up with his little cop. He wouldn't be with two people at once. He doesn't need to because he knows anyone would give their right arm to be with him."
Sakura nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. I read that a lot of times when people cheat on their partner a lot of it has to do with low self-esteem. I bet Gackt's the most confident man on earth." He snorted.
I chewed on my lip and held my waning cigarette close to my mouth for several minutes, completely unaware of their conversation. Finally I took a drag and looked at Hyde. "Do you think you'd ever be with him?"
He sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. I thought I was in love with Megumi, but...well, since our kid was born the flames have been dying. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure I can do this marriage thing." He shook his head and took a swig of beer. "It's gotten to this point where...if I was alone with Gackt I think I would put it all on the line."
My eyes widened and my heartbeat quickened. I stood suddenly. "Okay, well it was nice meeting you guys. Fun chat, I'll see you later."
I scurried back to the bedroom and opened the door. "Ken, I--WAAAA!"
Ken must have had less self-control than me. He was on top of Tetsu on the bed, kissing him ferociously and undoing the buttons on his pants. Tetsu was kissing just as hungrily, wrapping his legs around Ken's waist and threading fingers in his hair.
"OI, KEN!" I shouted.
He broke away and looked over his shoulder at me. "Nnmm, Kenchan..." Tetsu murmured as he began kissing Ken's neck.
"What are you DOING!? You're ruining EVERYTHING!" I exclaimed. "I command that you cease this right now! Do you know what's going to happen to you guys when he wakes up in bed, naked and with you?"
Ken sighed and reluctantly untangled himself from Tetsu. Tetsu pouted. "Mouuuuu, Kenchan!"
"Not again, you guys."
I jumped and turned to see Sakura standing there. Hyde peeked out from behind him and made a face. "God, don't you have any self-control, Ken?"
"Kenchan's just horny!" Tetsu giggled, wrapping his arms around Ken's waist and hugging him.
I looked at Sakura and Hyde. "Does this happen a lot?"
"Every damn day," Sakura said seriously.
Hyde whacked him in the chest. "No, but it has happened before."
"Has it happened while Tetsu's been dating Kaori?"
Hyde shrugged. "Sure. I don't think she knows about it, though."
I nodded. "Well, I don't have the time to deal with this right now. You guys handle it how you think you should." I looked over at Ken. "Knock yourself out."
He grinned and pinned Tetsu to the bed, where they then resumed their activities. I ignored the cries of, "Ohhhh Kenchan!" and just left the apartment.
I'd found out something very important about Gackt and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to use it to my advantage. I hopped in my car and was quickly heading in the direcion of the rockstar's mansion.
Go to Part 15.
---
Notes: 1) I hope you noticed that Fate was Yoshiki again, like in Part Eleven. :3
2) hide liking gangster films is true, btw.
3) The scene where Kaoru jerks himself off and then cries himself to sleep is possibly one of the most pitiful things I've ever heard of. Poor poor Kaoru.
4) I want to point out that in Part Six of Hitched Kyo tells Kaoru about this girl he once loved--well, here's the whole scene, condensed for your convenience:
-"Just goes to show you: love hurts," Kyo said, lazily draping his arm over the back of the booth.
-I raised an eyebrow. "Kyo...have you ever been in love?"
-He sighed. "Yeah. She was the most beautiful woman in the world."
-I leaned forward in interest. "You loved a girl?"
-He snorted. "Duh. No one's born gay, man." I opened my mouth to disagree, but he continued before I could. "She was my everything. And then...and then..."
-"She died?" I supplied, my brow crinkling.
-"She cheated on me." Kyo sighed and shook his head.
-"And that's why you became gay," I said knowingly.
-He laughed. "Man, I became gay because I decided guys are hot. Have you seen Gackt live? Damn!"
So basically, Kyo told a half-truth. Yup.
5) Okay, so the L'Arc guys. Ken: I always picture him as being sort of laid-back and cool, so that's how he is. Tetsu: To call him a dork would be an understatement, but that's why he's loved, ne? He's a little annoying in this chapter, though... Hyde: I've made him a bit of a spoiled brat, but we all know that at the heart of his snotty facade he's just an untained angel. Yukihiro: He doesn't have much of a character in this, but he rarely talks anyway, so I figured it would be okay. There were more important things for me to focus on in this chapter than making Yukihiro speak up... Sakura: Even cooler than Ken. Sarcastic, with a dry sense of humor. He has a bit of disdain for Yukki, but not enough to start any real fires. Yep.
6) *snerk* I know you rabid Laruku fans got the "bananas" reference, right? Three cheers for rabid Laruku fans! ^^/
7) "I am not! I am a man, Kenchan!" Well, I snorted when I typed it, so it only made sense for Kaoru to have the same reaction...
8) Didn't you love the shout outs to the crazy GakuHai fangirls? Three cheers for crazy GakuHai fangirls! ^^/
9) Ken x Tetsu! Wai! Wai!
10) I love cliffhangers. XD
Author: shuichin or Shuichi
Genre: Angst/Romance/Humor
Pairings: Kaoru x Kyo, various others
Rating: NC-17
Summary: AU. Crossover. When a new client comes to Kaoru for relationship help, the "date doctor" needs to learn the differences between lust and love.
Notes: N/A
Part 14: Fate Steps In
Of course, I didn't succeed. Obviously, if I'm here telling you this story. Bluntly stating that I planned to kill myself rings hollow when I'm talking to you.
I got in my car and drove. I drove recklessly, hoping to God there was a cliff nearby I could drive the car off of. The lightning flashed and the storm caused the dirt streets by where Gackt lived to turn to mud. I was going just a little too fast and when I turned a corner, I completely lost control of my car. As it spun around, I shut my eyes and prepared to cross over to the other side. But that's not what happened. The car flew off the road and nose-planted in a ditch. I was bruised and there was a cut on my forehead, but I would live. "Damnit!" I swore. "I just want to fucking die!"
I sat there for a long time, hopelessly trying to figure out another way to end my life. Well, I'll admit that my thoughts were mostly on Kyo. His hurt visage kept flashing before my eyes. I wanted to cry, but I felt void of tears. I guess I'd cried too many.
And then I noticed something. The ditch was filling with water from the heavy rainstorm. I'd never wanted to die of drowning, because it's essentially suffocation and sounds very painful, but I didn't care anymore. I leaned my head back on the seat and awaited my doom.
But Fate had other plans for me. He was driving along, on his way home, and happened to spy my car in the ditch. He got out and hurriedly made his way down the slope and to my door. "Kaoru?" He gasped when he saw me illuminated by the car's headlights.
"Yoshiki," I croaked. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I was driving home. What happened? Are you alright? Let's get you out of here before you drown."
I didn't have the energy to argue. I let him open the door, unbuckle me, and pull me out. He took my keys out of the ignition and slipped them in my pocket before helping me to climb back up to the road. within minutes we were in his warm car, heading down the muddy street. All was quiet for awhile. Then I decided to speak.
"You should have left me there."
He looked at me incredulously. "You would have died."
"I wanted to," I snapped back, glaring at him.
He ran a hand through his wet tresses and then rested it on my shoulder. "Have things gotten worse with Kyo?"
Yoshiki was probably the last person I wanted to tell this to. After all the pep talks he'd given me...after hearing all about his pure, untainted love for hide... I couldn't bear to tell him of my worst sin. But I did anyway. When I finished, I flinched away from him, expecting him to smack me or something. What I didn't expect him to do was laugh.
But that's what he did. It started out as a chuckle, but turned into a loud, mirthy laugh that made me want to open the door and jump out, regardless of how fast the vehicle was going. "Yoshiki? Have you finally lost all sanity?" I asked cautiously.
He sighed and shook his head. "Oh, Kaoru...I can't believe you would think it's all over because of this."
"...Isn't it?"
He snorted. "I certainly hope not. After all, worse things have happened to cause two lovers hardships."
I clenched my fist. "I tried to rape him and bloody Gackt saved the day. What could be worse than that?"
His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "He could be dead."
I beat my head against the dashboard. No matter what happened between Kyo and I, Yoshiki would always have the upperhand. He could always tell me to get my act together and get back on top of things. Because no matter how bad things got between the two of us, unless one of us died, Yoshiki's hardships outdid ours. At the moment, I couldn't help but feel that was incredibly unfair. I wanted him to pat me on the head and throw me a little pity party. But of course, he wouldn't. He would never unless Kyo died. I was finally beginning to understand that about Yoshiki.
"hide loved to watch gangster movies," Yoshiki said suddenly. "I don't know if you knew that. I find them to be incredibly stupid films, but hide just adored them. One time we rented The Godfather. When Calo said, 'In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns,' I laughed and said that they were like that everywhere. He got really upset. Even though we were dating, he still thought women were great. We soon were in a full-blown argument, both yelling and saying things we never meant. In the end I stomped out like an immature child. We didn't see each other for a week. And then he came back to me. I was in a meeting at work and...oh god, I'll never forget it. The door opened and he slowly came in, bowing repeatedly and uttering apologies. I'll wager his hair was the brightest thing that room had ever seen. My superiors were in shock--especially when he came over and settled himself on my lap. He played with my tie--something he was very fond of doing--and told me he was sorry for everything he'd said. He said he didn't want us to be apart because he loved me. I told him the same. Then he kissed me. Oh, god, it was wonderful. He sucked on my lip and then giggled as only he could... He moved sensually against me, completely ignoring the whispers and shocked gasps coming from the others in the room. I forgot they were there as I moaned, my manhood reaching peaks to rival the highest mountains... His tongue was so velvety and smooth and warm as it rubbed against mine... But the greater friction came from his pulsating member, meeting with mine and sending us both into a whirlwind of passion and fevered kisses, our hands finding those places that only we knew about and--"
"OKAY, I GET IT!" I exclaimed, my fucking hard-on returning because of his goddamn reminiscing.
He sighed and rubbed his temple. "Gomen. My memories are all I have left, so I cherish them."
"I noticed," I mumbled, drawing my legs up so he couldn't see the bulge in my pants.
"Now what was my point?" He asked himself as we pulled into a driveway.
He got out and I followed him to an enormous mansion--almost as big as Gackt's. I looked over at him. "So you live in the same part of town as Gackt?"
"Ah yes," he said, with an exclamitory waving of the hand, "now I remember. Kaoru, you and Kyo are soulmates. I think that's obvious. No matter what comes between you, you will conquer the odds. You will reunite. He will come back to you. Welcome to my home. Would you mind staying here for the night? I'm much too tired to take you to your own place right now."
I blinked. Suddenly we were inside and when did he mention his house? I was so confused. His words flowed so well...but somewhere he'd changed the subject... I said the only thing my brain could think of. "Huh?"
"You don't mind staying the night here, do you? I have plenty of room..."
I gave a half-hearted nod. "Sure."
He led me to a room with a large, four-poster bed and rich furnishings. He stayed and watched me as I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into the bed, blushing because he'd obviously seen my erection. "Um...do you not believe in privacy?" I asked when I'd pulled the covers safely over Kaoru Jr.
He smiled slightly. "I just want to make sure you don't do anything stupid."
"Like?"
"Like jumping out the window."
"Oh."
We were quiet as we stared at each other. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively. "Well? Close your eyes and go to sleep."
I swallowed. "I can't sleep. I have a--a problem."
He pointed to a door. "There's a bathroom right there. Take a cold shower."
"Doesn't help me."
He raised an eyebrow. "Alright. Then picture a fat old woman in a bikini."
I made a disguisted face. "Not working."
He shrugged. "I'm sorry. You'll just have to try to sleep with it. Maybe it will give you good dreams."
I blushed deeply. "Um...can you take care of it for me? Normally I wouldn't ask this kind of thing from anyone but Kyo, but it's really starting to ache..."
"No," he said flatly.
I sighed frustratedly. "I hate my life."
"I hate it, too," Yoshiki said uncaring. "Look, if it's going to make you a whiner I'll help, okay? But I'm not touching it."
He walked swiftly across the room. I wondered how the hell he would make me come without touching my cock. He sat on the bed and pulled off the blankets, then motioned for me to take my boxers off. So I did, my face immediately turning about five shades of red as I was exposed. He didn't comment or even blush. He just grabbed my hands and enclosed them around my erection. I gasped. He sat on my legs to keep me from moving and then began moving my hands up and down in slow, fluidy motions. My eyes shut and I leaned my head back, my worries and troubles escaping me for the time being. "Nnh...faster! Kudasai!" I panted, tightening my grip on my own cock.
Yoshiki quickened his movements and soon I took control, going at my own pace. I didn't even notice that he'd let go of me and stood. One of my hands slid down to fondle my balls and then prod my sweaty entrance. I whimpered, one person on my mind as I finger-fucked myself. I went faster and faster until I finally reached my peak and squirted into my palm. "Kyo!" I cried out, falling back against the bedsheets.
I clutched the pillow close to my chest and sobbed into it. I was vaguely aware of Yoshiki covering me with the blanket and smoothing back my hair before he left the room with a whispered, "Goodnight." Then I was alone--shuddering with sobs, and crying myself to sleep.
The next morning he dropped me off at Die and Shinya's place. We sat in the car for five minutes. I was absolutely frozen to my seat. "Kaoru?" Yoshiki queeried.
"They are going to kick me out when I tell them what I did," I said. "I can't go in there. They will be so upset."
Yoshiki sighed and unbuckled my seatbelt. "You're going in there, Kaoru. I will sit here until you do. And I have a meeting in half an hour so you had better get your ass up out of the seat and into their house."
Remember: Yoshiki is chief of police. So if he threatened me, I could believe he actually would hurt me. With a heavy sigh I got out of the car and dragged my feet up to the door. I rang the doorbell and waited. It only took about a minute for the door to open and me to come face-to-face with Die. His eyes widened and he grabbed me and pulled me inside, wrapping his arms around me in a bearhug. "Where the hell were you? God, Kaoru, are you trying to cause us even more grief? You could have at least left a message, man!"
I pulled away. "I-I'm sorry. I have to talk to you guys... We need to sit down," I said shakily.
Shinya was already in the living room, but before he could say a word to me, I sat Die down beside him on the couch and then slumped into the chair. "Listen..." I swallowed, nervously playing with a loose thread on my jacket. "Last night I couldn't sleep. So I went to the orphanage and got Rei to bring me to Shukumei. We--"
"What!?" Die and Shinya exclaimed at the same time.
Suddenly they were bombarding me with questions. I answered them as best as I could and then demanded that they be silent so I could tell them what I learned while I was there. As I expected, Die was livid. He stood, his fists clenched at his sides. "I'll kill them. I'm gonna kill the doctor and the damned orphanage lady! They are as good as dead!"
Shinya grabbed his wrist and pulled him back onto the couch. "Daisuke, that's enough. No one is going to kill anyone," he said calmly. He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, Kaoru, thank you so much for doing that!"
I ducked my head as I blushed. Die bounced up and grabbed my hands, pulling me up from my chair. "For he's a jolly good fellow!" He sang, dancing me around the room.
I pulled away harshly. "No! You can't sing that! I deserve to rot in the darkest corner of hell!" I shrieked.
Die stared at me with an open mouth. Shinya came and stood beside his koi. "Why?" He asked warily.
I told them what happened after I visited Shukumei. I watched their faces pale. Shinya sank back onto the couch, shaking his head. Die just stared at me. When I finished, I took a step backward. I didn't trust Die. He just glared at me. I stared back, my heart pounding. Finally I voiced what I'd been wondering. "A-aren't you going to hit me?"
He shook his head. "I don't even want to touch you, Kaoru," he said, his voice cold and his eyes dark. "I'm disguisted. That's low, that's very low. I thought you loved Kyo. Why the hell would you rape the man you love? You might as well forget about him. He'll never be yours now."
My throat hurt from the sobs I was trying to keep down. I wished he had hit me! It would have hurt a lot less than his words.
And then Shinya got up and approached me. I had figured Die would punch me and then Shinya would lecture me. Now I was getting two lectures. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, turning to face the bishounen.
To my surprise, he smiled at me. He took my hand and led me into the kitchen. Die was on our heels, no doubt as bewildered as I was. Shinya gestured to the table with his free hand. "Do you see those carnations?" He asked.
There was a vase of white carnations in the middle of the table. I nodded and looked at him, eyebrows raised. Where was he going with this?
He turned to face me and took both of my hands in his small, slender ones. "That carnation started out as a really ugly seed. With lots of healthy things and good sunlight, it grew into a lovely flower. It looked like it was complete, whole. But then autumn came. Its petals fluttered to the ground one by one. With winter came freezing weather and wind and soon the flower was nothing more than a root underground, buried by the cold, harsh snow. It looked done for. It seemed nothing could save it. But when the chill cleared and spring came again, the cold snow served as nutrition for the plant. So with the nutrition of the harsh winter, and the encouragement of the warm sun, the carnation once again grew into a lovely flower. And this time, it was more beautiful than it had ever been before, because it had known pain and suffering, yet it had still triumphed."
I swallowed, tears gathering at the rims of my eyes. "W-what are you saying?" I asked, my voice quavering.
Shinya reached up to hold my face in his warm palms. "Kaoru, sometimes a person's greatest mistakes are what make them into the wonderful person they become. When the winter has passed, you're going to be a beautiful carnation. You just need to keep healthy and take heart in encouragement from Die and myself. I think you love him. You messed up, that's all. If I decided not to be with Die because he messes up, we would have parted ways long ago. And I'm sure he feels the same." He glanced at his lover with a smile, and then turned back to me. "Life is comprised of seasons, Kaoru. Spring will come again."
He kissed me on the cheek and then walked over to Die. Die smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Oh Shinya...when you're right, you're right. And you--you're always right." He shrugged and extended a hand to me. "No hard feelings, Kaoru?"
I slowly slipped my hand in his and let him shake it around, wondering what the hell had just happened. And then they were both hugging me and I was basically just shocked. Turns out, I had some very good friends.
The annoying ring of my cellphone brought to end the mushy moment. I sighed and flipped it open, hissing an angry, "What?" Into the receiver.
"...Hi, Kaoru. This is Kyo."
My heart stopped beating and I sank into the chair. "Oh, hi, Kyo! I'm sorry I sounded mean, I-I didn't know it was you."
"Whatever. I was just wondering when you wanted to do this bugging thing?"
"I can do it whenever you can get me the equipment," I said, shooting annoyed glances at Die and Shinya who had sat on the couch and started staring at me like hawks the moment I mentioned Kyo's name.
"What does he want?" Die hissed.
"Tell him that you love him," Shinya breathed.
"Would you shut up!?" I growled.
"What?" Kyo snapped. "Look, if you don't want to talk to me then forget about getting my help!"
"No, no, I was talking to Die and Shinya!" I said helplessly. "Please believe me, Kyo! The sound of your voice is what keeps me alive!"
Die rolled his eyes. "Like he's gonna fall for that..."
Shinya smacked him in the arm and looked back at me. "That was so romantic, Kaoru!"
I sent them both a look and Shinya actually took the hint, grabbed Die's hand and pulled him out of the room. I sighed. "Kyo, I promise--"
"I believe you," Kyo said quietly. "You've gotten pretty crazy since we broke up. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist."
I swallowed. "Kyo, I'm so sorry--"
"Save it. I'm tired of hearing you apologize."
I took in my breath and said, "Kyo, if you're looking for the perfect partner you're going to be looking forever."
"And what the hell would you know about it!?" Kyo yelled angrily and I winced. I knew I shouldn't have said that. "Are you trying to be "Mr. Tokyo Date Doctor" now? Are you going to tell me all the things I do wrong in my relationships?"
"No!" I exclaimed, half in exasperation. "I'm just trying to tell you that...that people mess up and you'll never find someone who will never let you down."
"Kaoru, let me tell you something. Because you just don't seem to get it," Kyo said, venom dripping from his tone. "A few years ago I was dating this girl. She was the most wonderful person I had ever known. She treated me well. We spent so much time together and made so many memories. I loved her. Sometimes I think I still do. She said that she loved me. And then...then I found out that she had been cheating on me for a month. She told me that she did love me, but she just needed to see other people to make sure. So I let her. I let her see other people because I was blinded by my love for her. A year went by. We had sex...and afterward she told me that she was engaged. Engaged!" He swore vehemently.
I wondered if he'd ever told anyone any of this before. "I-I'm sorry, Kyo," I choked out, a feeling of dread descending on me. I kind of knew what was coming next.
"Quit with the fucking apologies, goddamnit!" He screeched. "That's all she said to me when she left me! 'I'm sorry, Kyo. I'm sorry, Kyo. I'm sorry, Kyo.' I'm fucking sick of it!"
"I'm sor--I mean, okay! I won't say it anymore!" I promised.
His breathing was ragged on the other end. I'm sure his eyes were flashing dangerously. Kyo's the kind of person you don't want to bother when he's angry. So I was quiet and I waited for him to finish. His breathing returned to normal and he heaved a drawn-out sigh. "Remember how I told you I became gay because I thought guys were hot? That's not completely true. I have always thought some guys were hot, Gackt being one of them, but...I'd never considered being gay because of that. When she left me I decided I was through with women. And even though I decided to be gay, I still vowed to never date again. Ever." He let out a shaky breath. "And then you came along."
Whatever was left of my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces right then. I covered my mouth with my hand so that he couldn't hear the sobs I was trying to hold back.
"I thought you were different. I fell in love with you. I broke my vow to be with you. And then you broke your vow to me, and in doing so you broke me."
"Kyo, I--"
"Don't say it!" Kyo shouted. "Don't even think it. I know you're sorry. She was sorry, too. Everyone's sorry. Oh, poor Kyo! He's small and he has ugly teeth--"
"I love your teeth and you're the perfect height!" I exclaimed, tears beginning to flow down my face.
"I don't care," he said wearily. "Look, now you know why I can't give you a second chance, Kaoru. I never should have given you a first chance. I crossed the line I set for myself and I paid for it. So now I have a new vow and it's to never date Kaoru. I'll be damned if I'm going to cross the line again."
All was quiet. I didn't have anything to say in return. My heart wanted to cry, but I made myself hold back. I was so tired of crying, so weary of sorrow.
"And about you trying to rape me..." Kyo said shakily and he had all of my attention again. "It's funny, but that doesn't even bother me that much. I'm still just far more upset about you cheating on me."
I found my voice. "But Kyo...I should go to prison for that. I can't believe--"
"I can. You always did like to think with your dick." He chuckled slightly. "That's part of what attracted me to you in the first place. Remember when we fucked in the diner bathroom?"
"How could I forget?" I whispered.
"Fucked...that's all we ever did, wasn't it? We fucked. We never made love."
"No, Kyo--"
"Well, it doesn't matter anymore either way," he interrupted. "But if you think having one last, good fuck will help you to turn the page and move on...you know where to find me."
My jaw dropped. "But-but Gackt--"
"Actually, he's the one who suggested it. He said that perhaps it could be like closure. He's an odd bird."
"And you would--"
"Gladly. If you fucking leave me alone after it."
I sighed. "No. I don't want to fuck you, Kyo. I want to make love to you. I can't do that unless you want to make love, too."
He was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was more professional. "I'll call you when I get the bugging equipment. Have a nice day."
He hung up before I could even reply. I yelled and threw the phone angrily on the floor, sinking my face into the back of the chair and once again, crying like a little baby.
* * * * *
Kyo hung up and set the phone down, letting out a shaky breath. He scooped Itami-chan into his arms. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" He asked her. "Why can't I let go of my fears and insecurities and just be with the man I love? And why does he have to be such a goddamn dickhead?"
"Nyan!" Itami-chan chirped.
He sighed and scratched behind her ears. "Oh, that's what you always say. Just once I wish you could tell me something I can understand."
He combed his fingers through her fur and looked at her thoughtfully. Then he set her down and held out both of his forefingers. "If you think I should be with Kaoru again, lick my right finger. If you think not, lick my left finger."
Itami-chan looked at him quizzically, her tail swaying back and forth. She sniffed both fingers and then licked the right one. He chuckled and picked her up, pressing her face against his. "I thought you didn't like Kaoru!"
"Nyan!" She said again.
He chuckled. "Well...we'll see. If he can prove to me that he's devoted to me and not as much of an ass as he has been...then maybe..."
Itami-chan just yawned and licked his nose.
* * * * *
Now, I wasn't very good at poker. In fact, I'm still not very good at poker. I despise the game, really. I get confused, I don't know how to bluff, and I have the worst poker face in the history of poker faces. But I was so glad Ken's poker night was that night. Because I would have gone insane with Die and Shinya. They were both still very distraught over Shukumei, though they were doing a little better since I'd told them Kyo and I were working on her case. I was absolutely depressed over my turn of events with Kyo. If you combined all of our negative feelings the entire house was like one thick depression cloud.
So I left early for Ken's poker night.
His apartment was nestled in the city. There were horns honking, lights flashing, cars zooming...the whole enchilada. By the time I finally found a place to park I had to fish out money for a parking meter. Then I had to risk life and limb, crossing streets. Finally I reached the building. I went inside and took an elevator to Ken's floor. I found apartment 47 and knocked loudly on the door. After several minutes it opened and my eyes jumped out of my head in surprise. A busty, caucasian woman stood there, nothing over her body but a towel. "Is--um--does a--erm--Ken? Ken's here?"
Well that made sense.
She tucked some hair behind her ear and pointed past me. "Oh no, he lives in apartment 48," she said with broken Japanese.
I bowed. "Sank you very much," I said in my best English before turning around and practically running to the door across the hall.
I knocked, thinking to myself that I was sure he'd told me number 47. The door opend and he stood there, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was wearing red leather pants and a leaopard print shirt that opened up and showed off his chest. Once again, a cigarette hung limply from his mouth. "So what'd you think?" He asked.
I blinked. "Eh?"
He pointed to apartment 47. "She's one hot chick, isn't she?"
My jaw dropped. "You knew that you gave me the wrong apartment?"
He laughed and motioned for me to come in. "I bet you got hard the moment she opened the door!"
"Did not!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me with raised eyebrows, sending a brief glance to my privates. "You sure?"
I growled angrily and clasped my hands together over my obvious erection. "Asshole."
He only chuckled and plopped down on a vinyl couch. "You're early."
I nodded and sat beside him. "Yeah. I've had a rough weekend...just wanted to get away, you know?"
He shrugged. "Sure. Want a beer?"
"Yeah, why not?"
He'd just returned with my ice cold beverage when there was a knock at the door. He handed it to me and said, "Would you excuse me?" Before heading back to the door.
I could see the door from the small living area and watched as he walked over to it and opened it. I immediately recognized the person behind it as Tetsu. He was dressed differently than I would have pictured him, though. Regular jeans hugged his hips and he wore a Gundam shirt with them. His hair was as crazy as I recalled it, though. He grinned and swung his arms around Ken's neck, grocery bags flying around and wacking Ken's sides. "Kenchan!" He squeeled.
I held back a chuckle as Ken rested his hands on Tetsu's thin waist. "Hey, Tet-chan."
Tetsu released him and danced inside. "I brought fruits and veggies for--" His eyes came to rest on me. "Who's this?"
I set my beer down and stood. "Uh, hi, I'm--"
"This is Kaoru. He's a new friend of mine," Ken said casually, coming up to me and resting his hand on my shoulder.
Tetsu nodded and grinned, extending his own hand. "Hi! I'm Tetsu, I'm Ken's bestest best friend in the whole world plus infinity! Nice to meet you!" He looked at Ken. "You're always making new friends, Kenchan! I brought fruits and veggies so I'll go to the kitchen and chop them up, 'mkay? Wanna help? I have BANANAS!" He squeed.
I blinked and looked at Ken with raised eyebrows. His grip on my shoulder tightened painfully for a moment and then he released it. I supposed that was a warning--say something bad about twittering Tetsu and get punched in the face. Check.
"Oi, Techan, why are you wearing those jeans and boots? You usually wear...other stuff. Like bright shorts and five-foot tall sneakers," Ken said, eyeing Tetsu's wardrobe oddly.
"Oh, Kaori-chan said I'm too old to dress like that. She says it looks too boyish!"
"But, Tetsu...you are boyish," Ken said bemusedly.
Tetsu pouted. "Am not! I'm a man, Kenchan!"
It sounded really funny coming from him and I accidentally snorted. They both looked at me. Ken was kind of glaring and Tetsu looked politely puzzled. I grinned and sat back down. "I'll just quietly drink my beer..."
Ken turned his attention back to Tetsu. "Techan, you don't need Kaori to tell you how to dress. You look fine in whatever you're wearing."
He said it so coolly...you would totally believe he was just saying it as a friend if it weren't for the subtle blush that dusted his cheeks. But Tetsu mustn't have noticed that. He laughed and waved Ken off. "Oh, Kenchan, you're so nice! Now let's go chop fruits and veggies!"
He grabbed Ken's hand and skipped into the kitchen. I just stared after them, thunderstruck. I came to a solid conclusion, though: if Tetsu wasn't dating a girl I would have bet money that he was gay. Quite gay. Either that or a child trapped in a man's body.
Moments later, the other guests had arrived: Yukihiro, Sakura, and Hyde. The pizza arrived, the fruits and veggies were chopped and arranged like a beautiful flower on a plate (very obviously Tetsu's doing), and we all had beers and cigarettes as we seated ourselves around the poker table. Well, Tetsu didn't have a cigarette.
Anyway, pretty soon we were playing and I was pleased to see that Tetsu sucked at poker more than I did. Yukihiro wasn't the greatest at it either, but I'd say he was still a little better than me. In fact, it was mostly between Ken and Sakura. Hyde didn't seem to care much if he won or lost, but after a while Tetsu began throwing fits when he lost. After our umpteenth round, he slammed his cards down on the table and wailed, "I just can't do it!" Before getting up and running into the bathroom.
Of course, he'd consumed a lot of alcohol, so that probably had something to do with it. Ken stood. "I'm sure he's fine," he shrugged.
I stood as well. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Ken?"
He led me into his bedroom and lit up another cigarette. "What's up?"
"Look, Tetsu's drunk. Don't take advantage of him, okay?" I warned. "That could damage any relationship you guys have. Our first step is getting Tetsu to break up with Kaori, no matter how tempting it might be to--"
"I get it," Ken said shortly. "Thanks."
And with that he left the room. I followed him. He knocked on the bathroom door. There was a sniffling sound from inside and I had to fight back a giggle. It was only a poker game...
"I don't want to see anyone! I hate everyone!" Tetsu moaned.
Ken shook his head. "Techan, it's me."
There was silence and then the door slowly opened and Tetsu leaped on Ken, sobbing into his chest. "Oh Kenchan! I suck at poker!" He bawled.
Ken patted his back and led him to the bedroom. "We'll only be a few minutes," he told me. "Just go chill with the guys."
I started to protest, but he shut the door in my face, cutting me off. I sighed and went back to the poker table, where Yukihiro was laughing drunkenly and Sakura was chuckling as he opened another beer. "This cat gets drunk after two gulps," he said to Hyde.
Hyde smiled slightly. "Yeah. Just don't tease him too much. Unlike must drunks, he'll remember everything in the morning."
"Weird."
They both stopped talking and looked at me apprehensively as I took back my seat. Yukihiro slumped back against his chair and snored, drool dribbling down his chin. Sakura blew out a puff of smoke. "So are you Ken's new toy?"
I gagged and slammed a hand down on the table. "Excuse me!?"
"Guess not," Hyde said with a chuckle.
Sakura shrugged. "It was just a thought."
"Wha--wha--Ken is gay?" I managed to ask.
Sakura chuckled. "When he wants to be."
"Yeah. I mean, everyone knows he has the hots for Tetsu," Hyde added.
"Except for Tetsu," Sakura snorted.
They both laughed. I rubbed my forehead. "Yeah...not like that's huge anymore, eh? I'm sure we've all liked our share of guys," I said, thinking distinctly of Kyo.
Sakura snickered. "That's right, isn't it, Hyde?"
Hyde sent him a glare, but Sakura just laughed more. He looked at me. "Hyde and I were fuckbuddies in the early days of the band."
"Sakura!" Hyde gasped. "Don't tell random strangers that! If word got out to the fans--"
"Oh, they already know."
"Nuh-uh! Now shut up!" He smacked him hard in the arm. "And anyway, we were not fuckbuddies. We were dating! Insensitive prick..."
I was gaping, I'll admit it. They didn't seem to notice, though. Sakura flicked some ashes on Yukihiro's head and then said, "Yeah, but Hyde's taste runs toward much more pretty types than me now. In fact, most would call it 'perfect,' not pretty."
Hyde gave a sigh. "Look, it was one time on the set of Moon Child, okay? There is nothing between me and Gackt."
I perked up. Sakura chortled. "Sure, sure. And that's why you lied about going on a trip with your band when you were really taking a weekend excursion with Gackt-san?"
Hyde reddened. "Megumi was bothering me...Gackt was nice, okay? Now shut up about it, it's none of your business."
Sakura nodded. "My bad. It really is none of my business, you and Gackt fucking. If that's what you like then, sure, go for it."
Hyde seethed. I stared at him. "You...you and Gackt? Do you still see each other?"
"No!" Hyde all-but shouted. "Good lord, you guys! You're just like the fangirls! 'Ohhh, Gackt and Hyde are touching each other! They must be making love to each other every night under the stars! Oh my god, Gackt said he almost kissed Hyde once! They're having an affair! Wai! Wai!'" He growled and took a long drag from his cigarette.
"I'm just...curious," I said with a slight blush.
"Pfft," Hyde said, smoke coming out through his lips in an extremely sexy way, "Gackt still wants us to be together, though. I've told him and told him that I'm married, but he just doesn't seem to get it." He rolled his eyes. "Just the other day he called me up and asked if we could 'make love on the beach,' like that one time in Taiwan."
Sakura shook his head. "I guess when you're Gackt you think--"
"Just the other day!?" I gasped. "But...he has--I mean, I heard rumors that Gackt has a boyfriend..."
Hyde snorted. "Yeah, I guess so. I met the guy. He's some rebel cop...short and psychotic. It makes me chuckle that Gackt has to go out with people like him just because he can't have me."
I stood, slamming my hands down on the table. "Go to hell!"
He looked at me, eyes widening. The cigarette fell from Sakura's lips as he, too stared at me in shock. I swallowed and slowly lowered myself back into my chair. "I mean...stop being so cocky. You're just jealous because Gackt's with him instead of you."
I quickly took a big gulp of beer, hoping the alcohol would knock me out so I would stop saying stupid things.
Hyde narrowed his eyes at me. "I can have Gackt if I want him. I just choose not to pursue something with him because I'm married."
I gave a nod. "Right, right. Um...but Gackt's the type who would cheat on his boyfriend? I never thought of him that way..."
Unbelievably, that was actually true. I'd never pictured Gackt the type to cheat on Kyo.
Hyde laughed dryly. "Don't be stupid. Gackt would never. He's waiting for me. If I tell him I'll be with him, he'll just break up with his little cop. He wouldn't be with two people at once. He doesn't need to because he knows anyone would give their right arm to be with him."
Sakura nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. I read that a lot of times when people cheat on their partner a lot of it has to do with low self-esteem. I bet Gackt's the most confident man on earth." He snorted.
I chewed on my lip and held my waning cigarette close to my mouth for several minutes, completely unaware of their conversation. Finally I took a drag and looked at Hyde. "Do you think you'd ever be with him?"
He sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. I thought I was in love with Megumi, but...well, since our kid was born the flames have been dying. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not sure I can do this marriage thing." He shook his head and took a swig of beer. "It's gotten to this point where...if I was alone with Gackt I think I would put it all on the line."
My eyes widened and my heartbeat quickened. I stood suddenly. "Okay, well it was nice meeting you guys. Fun chat, I'll see you later."
I scurried back to the bedroom and opened the door. "Ken, I--WAAAA!"
Ken must have had less self-control than me. He was on top of Tetsu on the bed, kissing him ferociously and undoing the buttons on his pants. Tetsu was kissing just as hungrily, wrapping his legs around Ken's waist and threading fingers in his hair.
"OI, KEN!" I shouted.
He broke away and looked over his shoulder at me. "Nnmm, Kenchan..." Tetsu murmured as he began kissing Ken's neck.
"What are you DOING!? You're ruining EVERYTHING!" I exclaimed. "I command that you cease this right now! Do you know what's going to happen to you guys when he wakes up in bed, naked and with you?"
Ken sighed and reluctantly untangled himself from Tetsu. Tetsu pouted. "Mouuuuu, Kenchan!"
"Not again, you guys."
I jumped and turned to see Sakura standing there. Hyde peeked out from behind him and made a face. "God, don't you have any self-control, Ken?"
"Kenchan's just horny!" Tetsu giggled, wrapping his arms around Ken's waist and hugging him.
I looked at Sakura and Hyde. "Does this happen a lot?"
"Every damn day," Sakura said seriously.
Hyde whacked him in the chest. "No, but it has happened before."
"Has it happened while Tetsu's been dating Kaori?"
Hyde shrugged. "Sure. I don't think she knows about it, though."
I nodded. "Well, I don't have the time to deal with this right now. You guys handle it how you think you should." I looked over at Ken. "Knock yourself out."
He grinned and pinned Tetsu to the bed, where they then resumed their activities. I ignored the cries of, "Ohhhh Kenchan!" and just left the apartment.
I'd found out something very important about Gackt and I'll be damned if I wasn't going to use it to my advantage. I hopped in my car and was quickly heading in the direcion of the rockstar's mansion.
Go to Part 15.
---
Notes: 1) I hope you noticed that Fate was Yoshiki again, like in Part Eleven. :3
2) hide liking gangster films is true, btw.
3) The scene where Kaoru jerks himself off and then cries himself to sleep is possibly one of the most pitiful things I've ever heard of. Poor poor Kaoru.
4) I want to point out that in Part Six of Hitched Kyo tells Kaoru about this girl he once loved--well, here's the whole scene, condensed for your convenience:
-"Just goes to show you: love hurts," Kyo said, lazily draping his arm over the back of the booth.
-I raised an eyebrow. "Kyo...have you ever been in love?"
-He sighed. "Yeah. She was the most beautiful woman in the world."
-I leaned forward in interest. "You loved a girl?"
-He snorted. "Duh. No one's born gay, man." I opened my mouth to disagree, but he continued before I could. "She was my everything. And then...and then..."
-"She died?" I supplied, my brow crinkling.
-"She cheated on me." Kyo sighed and shook his head.
-"And that's why you became gay," I said knowingly.
-He laughed. "Man, I became gay because I decided guys are hot. Have you seen Gackt live? Damn!"
So basically, Kyo told a half-truth. Yup.
5) Okay, so the L'Arc guys. Ken: I always picture him as being sort of laid-back and cool, so that's how he is. Tetsu: To call him a dork would be an understatement, but that's why he's loved, ne? He's a little annoying in this chapter, though... Hyde: I've made him a bit of a spoiled brat, but we all know that at the heart of his snotty facade he's just an untained angel. Yukihiro: He doesn't have much of a character in this, but he rarely talks anyway, so I figured it would be okay. There were more important things for me to focus on in this chapter than making Yukihiro speak up... Sakura: Even cooler than Ken. Sarcastic, with a dry sense of humor. He has a bit of disdain for Yukki, but not enough to start any real fires. Yep.
6) *snerk* I know you rabid Laruku fans got the "bananas" reference, right? Three cheers for rabid Laruku fans! ^^/
7) "I am not! I am a man, Kenchan!" Well, I snorted when I typed it, so it only made sense for Kaoru to have the same reaction...
8) Didn't you love the shout outs to the crazy GakuHai fangirls? Three cheers for crazy GakuHai fangirls! ^^/
9) Ken x Tetsu! Wai! Wai!
10) I love cliffhangers. XD