Gloom, despair, and agony on me.
I have the best of intentions. I really do. I want to do nice things and nice work and I like things that look pretty, and it should be easy, right? I mean, other people do it. I'm not completely inept at everything. You make circles. you dip them in chocolate, you decorate them. I FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS. I figured it out. Steps and how to do it and everything, and it's just FUCKING UP over and over and over and I'm so fucking frustrated and WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?
I have more more promised cake pop event after this, and then I'm just done. I'm tired and frustrated and I just always feel inadequate after, and I feel even worse when people pay me for it because they don't look like the books and I'm just going to hang up my aprons and forget this. I'm not *good* at it, and I'm not getting better, and so I'll use all this shit up on cupcakes and general stuff and that's it. I'm done.
In other news, I went to talk to the husband to see about going to Muskrat Jamboree in 2013. One of my goals is to meet the Boston contingent of fangirls who all seem like amazing and awesome people. It started with me saying "Honey? Can I ask you something? I'd like to go to a convention in Boston next year..." and he cut me off with a "No." No discussion. No asking how long or anything. Just no. I'm really fortunate that he doesn't have a problem with everything else I do and friends staying here and taking a weekend to go to Portland or concerts or whatever, but...nothing. And we're doing really well financially so it's not like it's difficult for us right now in that way. Just no. So.
In somewhat amusing timing, Wednesday is our 14th anniversary. I'm not feeling particularly celebratory. Sorry, honey.
Okay, back to trying to finish these stupid, stupid, stupid cake pops and then maybe I will take out all my feels on blackberry bushes. Or just sit here and pout and feel inadequate. When your current talent seems to be "killing things", it's hard to be really positive about things.
I have more more promised cake pop event after this, and then I'm just done. I'm tired and frustrated and I just always feel inadequate after, and I feel even worse when people pay me for it because they don't look like the books and I'm just going to hang up my aprons and forget this. I'm not *good* at it, and I'm not getting better, and so I'll use all this shit up on cupcakes and general stuff and that's it. I'm done.
In other news, I went to talk to the husband to see about going to Muskrat Jamboree in 2013. One of my goals is to meet the Boston contingent of fangirls who all seem like amazing and awesome people. It started with me saying "Honey? Can I ask you something? I'd like to go to a convention in Boston next year..." and he cut me off with a "No." No discussion. No asking how long or anything. Just no. I'm really fortunate that he doesn't have a problem with everything else I do and friends staying here and taking a weekend to go to Portland or concerts or whatever, but...nothing. And we're doing really well financially so it's not like it's difficult for us right now in that way. Just no. So.
In somewhat amusing timing, Wednesday is our 14th anniversary. I'm not feeling particularly celebratory. Sorry, honey.
Okay, back to trying to finish these stupid, stupid, stupid cake pops and then maybe I will take out all my feels on blackberry bushes. Or just sit here and pout and feel inadequate. When your current talent seems to be "killing things", it's hard to be really positive about things.