(no subject)
Seems like lately all I seem to do is swing between different extremes of depression. It used to be that before I get slaughtered by my gender at the beginning of every month, I'd feel weird for just a couple days before, and a couple days after. Then the periods of unease grew in both directions, like shadows reaching out and twisting around me. I'd feel crushingly depressed and lose the will to do anything, but even so it was for less than a week at best. Now... now it's as if the shadows have dug claws into my ankles and are pulling me under. I'm always depressed to one degree or another, and it's getting to the point where I just want to leave and never look back. I feel smothered, and the knowledge that I CAN'T leave is making it worse. It's not even a money issue. It's that if I leave, then this apartment is lost, and I don't want to have him thrown out just because I go. Not to mention I'd miss my friends too much, since that "leave and never look back" would include cutting ties.
But... It's bad enough my body is falling apart on me. I've always been somewhat detached, but I don't need my psyche so rapidly degenerating on me either.
And I know that when I'm depressed and can't bring myself to do anything, I let people down. And I know that they'd say they understood, that I could take my time with whatever, but honestly... It'd be better if I just got scolded. It's my own damn weakness and inability to do it because it needs to be DONE, my willingness to do so (or lack thereof) aside. The depression shouldn't be an excuse.
ANYWAY. I'm starting one of those 30 Day memes, pulled from my f-list. Might do that anime one I've seen going around later, I dunno.
My name's Candida, but I much prefer being called CB. Some call me Giro, others call me Zumi (from my alias CBIzumi) so... it's up to you, I guess XD Anyway. I'm currently 25 and live in the southern US, with a desire to someday move to Pennsylvania. Or Canada. I've got two sisters and one brother, all older than me; through them I have multiple nieces and nephews. My parents divorced in my early adulthood, separated in my teenage years, but I still see my mother every now and then; I talk to her more often though, if only because of distance. I live with my father, a disabled diabetic, and help take care of things around here. I've worked at Spencer Gifts for three years now, four in May. I have a twelve year old cat who is a great pain in my butt.
I supposed my great passion in life are my friends. I often also add art and humor to the list, but when you boil it right down? It all comes back around to my friends. I draw to make them smile, to share ideas. There's nothing better for me than to make someone laugh. It sounds horrible, but I think myself inconsequential, if there was no one else I could live for.
I first picked up a pencil when I was about two, although obviously my drawings didn't coalesce into anything until I was about six. I haven't stopped since. My current art style, which is always evolving (but then, what isn't?) developed in about 1999, 2000 when I first started watching Pokémon. Drawing Digimon and Pokémon characters (the humans anyway) helped start it in the direction it is now.
I love video games, anime, and manga. My two greatest fandoms are Megaman and Code Lyoko, to occasionally scary levels but that may just be because they helped save my life in a way, a story for another time. Besides that I love almost anything Disney, not to mention Dragon Quest and certain Final Fantasies. I tend to go for obscure things as much as the big and popular ones, because it's all the same to me. So far as "live action" fandoms go... Bones, Fringe, Mythbusters, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory, and not necessarily in that order. I also adore almost any kind of music, and have a regular habit of making "mental videos" to different songs.
You know in movies, when you go into a person's house and they've got this great big study with books on every remotely flat surface? That's going to be me someday. I love to read, have five bookshelves (of varied sizes) STUFFED with books, not to mention other piles stowed away in places. I love humor titles (in particular stupid history, or the Darwin Awards which is about the same thing *shot*), but my fiction love is fantasy. Especially if it has dragons in it.
Oh, dragons. I have them everywhere too.
Not really sure what else I can say, so I guess I'll just drop it off here, and pick the meme back up tomorrow.
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 - Your day, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 - Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 - What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 - This week, in great detail
Day 14 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 - Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 - Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 - Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 - Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 - This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 - Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 - Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 - A first, in great detail
Day 26 - Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 - Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 - Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail
But... It's bad enough my body is falling apart on me. I've always been somewhat detached, but I don't need my psyche so rapidly degenerating on me either.
And I know that when I'm depressed and can't bring myself to do anything, I let people down. And I know that they'd say they understood, that I could take my time with whatever, but honestly... It'd be better if I just got scolded. It's my own damn weakness and inability to do it because it needs to be DONE, my willingness to do so (or lack thereof) aside. The depression shouldn't be an excuse.
ANYWAY. I'm starting one of those 30 Day memes, pulled from my f-list. Might do that anime one I've seen going around later, I dunno.
My name's Candida, but I much prefer being called CB. Some call me Giro, others call me Zumi (from my alias CBIzumi) so... it's up to you, I guess XD Anyway. I'm currently 25 and live in the southern US, with a desire to someday move to Pennsylvania. Or Canada. I've got two sisters and one brother, all older than me; through them I have multiple nieces and nephews. My parents divorced in my early adulthood, separated in my teenage years, but I still see my mother every now and then; I talk to her more often though, if only because of distance. I live with my father, a disabled diabetic, and help take care of things around here. I've worked at Spencer Gifts for three years now, four in May. I have a twelve year old cat who is a great pain in my butt.
I supposed my great passion in life are my friends. I often also add art and humor to the list, but when you boil it right down? It all comes back around to my friends. I draw to make them smile, to share ideas. There's nothing better for me than to make someone laugh. It sounds horrible, but I think myself inconsequential, if there was no one else I could live for.
I first picked up a pencil when I was about two, although obviously my drawings didn't coalesce into anything until I was about six. I haven't stopped since. My current art style, which is always evolving (but then, what isn't?) developed in about 1999, 2000 when I first started watching Pokémon. Drawing Digimon and Pokémon characters (the humans anyway) helped start it in the direction it is now.
I love video games, anime, and manga. My two greatest fandoms are Megaman and Code Lyoko, to occasionally scary levels but that may just be because they helped save my life in a way, a story for another time. Besides that I love almost anything Disney, not to mention Dragon Quest and certain Final Fantasies. I tend to go for obscure things as much as the big and popular ones, because it's all the same to me. So far as "live action" fandoms go... Bones, Fringe, Mythbusters, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory, and not necessarily in that order. I also adore almost any kind of music, and have a regular habit of making "mental videos" to different songs.
You know in movies, when you go into a person's house and they've got this great big study with books on every remotely flat surface? That's going to be me someday. I love to read, have five bookshelves (of varied sizes) STUFFED with books, not to mention other piles stowed away in places. I love humor titles (in particular stupid history, or the Darwin Awards which is about the same thing *shot*), but my fiction love is fantasy. Especially if it has dragons in it.
Oh, dragons. I have them everywhere too.
Not really sure what else I can say, so I guess I'll just drop it off here, and pick the meme back up tomorrow.
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 - Your day, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 - Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 - What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 - This week, in great detail
Day 14 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 - Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 - Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 - Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 - Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 - This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 - Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 - Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 - A first, in great detail
Day 26 - Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 - Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 - Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail