Episode ★ 1 ★
TONIGHT on the Report...
[ LiveJournal Lay-offs ]
LiveJournal Inc. cuts back on it's American employees to outsource more labor to Moscow. That would explain the random communal sharing of icons from accounts you've never heard of before. Glitch? I think not.
[ Sol Invictus - Infectious? ]
A game within a game putting gamers into comas. If it sounded as confusing to you as it did to me, then maybe that's how they fell into the coma.
My guest tonight is a special surprise. No, it's not me, though that would be a pleasant surprise.
First broadcast from the "Eagle's Net", this is The Colbert Roleplay Report.
Thank you, thank you very much. I can feel that standing ovation even through the computer, my senses are that good.
Welcome to the Report, everyone. Nation, this is a very special night. Not only do you get the gift of me, but you get the return gift of me from here on out! No, you can't take me back to the store, ladies and gentlemen, this show has a strict no return policy. You get what you paid for, and you demanded the first edition of The Roleplay Report.
But before we start, I want to clear any confusion you may have about this. While this is the truth, you may not agree with it. And that's fine, it doesn't make you wrong, it just makes me even more right. But don't worry, I won't judge you. There's a Big Guy upstairs who does that. I just reiterate on His behalf.
But even more so, I say what I think because the Nation needs to know, and now the World Wide Web wants to know. So let's get started, folks, with my opinion.
★ LIVEJOURNAL LAY-OFFS
Last Thursday, LiveJournal responded to rumors spreading about their recent staff-cuts at the turn of the year. Members were worried that this meant the end of LiveJournal blogging, but something much more devious is happening right under our noses. Oh sure, I have nothing against staff-cuts; in fact, they are necessary. No need to keep dead weight on a company.
NO. What bothers me is THIS:
"The cuts were part of a restructuring that shifted global design and product development to the LiveJournal office in Moscow."
We are outsourcing our labor to Russia. Now, before you even think I am against outsourcing, I'm not. Why should we have to do the menial jobs when it will be so much cheaper to pay someone else for peanuts? But Russia? The Cold War is barely over; in fact, I think we're still fighting it.
Don't give the enemy our blogging technology! Or more specifically, the ability to make their technology too pretty. It's a slap to LiveJournal, and more-so to America. I think we can only make one logical conclusion:
"For the Motherland!" says Frank.
LiveJournal is becoming a portal for Communism!
The use of PAID Accounts and Ad-required Plus Accounts had restored some faith in me that LiveJournal still believed in a free, Capitalist economy, but this is just discouraging. No, downright betrayal. But I've seen the signs before this was made.
I'm sure you all have experienced at one point or another your cute little Pooh Bear icon turning into something like Anderson Cooper or Paris Hilton. Glitches in the system is just what LiveJournal wants you to think. What it really is is something much more sinister; communism. For those of you who don't know, communists like to share everything with each other, even though only some people worked for it. Now, I think that's just stupid. I worked hard scouring countless icon communities for that perfect 100x100 picture of a kitten with a butterfly on it's nose and I want to use it. If someone else wants it, they can go find it on their own (or just use the link in the comment line of my userpics page).
"How can we battle this?" you may be asking, and if you are, I applaud you for thinking ahead. First of all, buy paid accounts. The more icons you have, the less you will lose overall. Second, back up your icons. LiveJournal straightens itself out after a day or a few refreshes, but you shouldn't give that benefit of the doubt. You see an icon that's off, switch it out immediately. Being passive is just what the Commies want. And lastly, tell your friends. They say "knowledge is power", but that isn't what I'm talking about. Gossip and rumors is what gets things changed in LiveJournal, so let's use our First Amendment Rights and right these wrongs in the name of Internet justice.
★ SPONSOR
This episode of The Report is brought to you by bubblevoid Bubble Wrap. Each pop sends you to a world of color and computerized Big Brother setting that's a lot like an acid trip. Great for packaging gifts to your in-laws and even better for wrapping yourself in to escape the "real world". Ignorance is bliss, folks, and it's even better when you can blame it on an external force. So get some bubblevoid Bubble Wrap today and pop away! It's America's favorite past-time next to Baseball and channel surfing.
★ SOL INVICTUS - INFECTIOUS?
hypnagogy is an RPG based on what kids today are calling "MMORPG", which stands for "Multitudes of Misfits Online Role-Playing Games", that boasts a highly addictive pull towards youngsters. I'm not condoning drugs use - unless they're prescribed by a doctor, then it's free game - but it seems that the game within the game is more addictive than ever. "Sol Invictus", which already sounds suspiciously like a virus epidemic, is now causing fictional people within a fictional game playing another fictional online game to fall into comas.
Comas.
Now, apparently there's this whole plotty reason behind it, but I'm not a fan of reading, and once I saw "comas", I didn't need to know anymore. No, I know.
Sure, it may be written off as an "'interesting development" that could promote "bonding" between characters who never interacted before, but I think this just shows you that one of our greatest threats is still roaming about uninhibited: ROBOTS.
Computers are made of metal and plastic, they have microchips, and they can talk to us if they want. Isn't that essentially what a robot, is? So, now they have the ability to put people into comas? This may be a fictional online game with members who are probably high schoolers and college students posting in-between classes, but this kind of thinking is going to give computers bad ideas. It may start as just a third person log in a community, but pretty soon we are going to see our laptops luring us in, and the next thing we know we wake up in a hospital, told we missed the best years of our lives.
You know what? You had this coming, Sol Invictus. Consider yourself ON NOTICE.
How does that feel? I'll be watching you. No more comas on the innocents of the LiveJournal community! Unless, they deserved it by supporting the LiveJournal move to Moscow. Then, power to you.
★ SPECIAL GUEST
All right ladies and gentlemen, my special surprise guest this Friday is so surprised, even he doesn't know what's going on. But really, the best surprise would be to end up on my show, even through the text-based chatting of online blogging.
[ LiveJournal Lay-offs ]
LiveJournal Inc. cuts back on it's American employees to outsource more labor to Moscow. That would explain the random communal sharing of icons from accounts you've never heard of before. Glitch? I think not.
[ Sol Invictus - Infectious? ]
A game within a game putting gamers into comas. If it sounded as confusing to you as it did to me, then maybe that's how they fell into the coma.
My guest tonight is a special surprise. No, it's not me, though that would be a pleasant surprise.
First broadcast from the "Eagle's Net", this is The Colbert Roleplay Report.
Thank you, thank you very much. I can feel that standing ovation even through the computer, my senses are that good.
Welcome to the Report, everyone. Nation, this is a very special night. Not only do you get the gift of me, but you get the return gift of me from here on out! No, you can't take me back to the store, ladies and gentlemen, this show has a strict no return policy. You get what you paid for, and you demanded the first edition of The Roleplay Report.
But before we start, I want to clear any confusion you may have about this. While this is the truth, you may not agree with it. And that's fine, it doesn't make you wrong, it just makes me even more right. But don't worry, I won't judge you. There's a Big Guy upstairs who does that. I just reiterate on His behalf.
But even more so, I say what I think because the Nation needs to know, and now the World Wide Web wants to know. So let's get started, folks, with my opinion.
★ LIVEJOURNAL LAY-OFFS
Last Thursday, LiveJournal responded to rumors spreading about their recent staff-cuts at the turn of the year. Members were worried that this meant the end of LiveJournal blogging, but something much more devious is happening right under our noses. Oh sure, I have nothing against staff-cuts; in fact, they are necessary. No need to keep dead weight on a company.
NO. What bothers me is THIS:
"The cuts were part of a restructuring that shifted global design and product development to the LiveJournal office in Moscow."
We are outsourcing our labor to Russia. Now, before you even think I am against outsourcing, I'm not. Why should we have to do the menial jobs when it will be so much cheaper to pay someone else for peanuts? But Russia? The Cold War is barely over; in fact, I think we're still fighting it.
Don't give the enemy our blogging technology! Or more specifically, the ability to make their technology too pretty. It's a slap to LiveJournal, and more-so to America. I think we can only make one logical conclusion:
"For the Motherland!" says Frank.
LiveJournal is becoming a portal for Communism!
The use of PAID Accounts and Ad-required Plus Accounts had restored some faith in me that LiveJournal still believed in a free, Capitalist economy, but this is just discouraging. No, downright betrayal. But I've seen the signs before this was made.
I'm sure you all have experienced at one point or another your cute little Pooh Bear icon turning into something like Anderson Cooper or Paris Hilton. Glitches in the system is just what LiveJournal wants you to think. What it really is is something much more sinister; communism. For those of you who don't know, communists like to share everything with each other, even though only some people worked for it. Now, I think that's just stupid. I worked hard scouring countless icon communities for that perfect 100x100 picture of a kitten with a butterfly on it's nose and I want to use it. If someone else wants it, they can go find it on their own (or just use the link in the comment line of my userpics page).
"How can we battle this?" you may be asking, and if you are, I applaud you for thinking ahead. First of all, buy paid accounts. The more icons you have, the less you will lose overall. Second, back up your icons. LiveJournal straightens itself out after a day or a few refreshes, but you shouldn't give that benefit of the doubt. You see an icon that's off, switch it out immediately. Being passive is just what the Commies want. And lastly, tell your friends. They say "knowledge is power", but that isn't what I'm talking about. Gossip and rumors is what gets things changed in LiveJournal, so let's use our First Amendment Rights and right these wrongs in the name of Internet justice.
★ SPONSOR
This episode of The Report is brought to you by bubblevoid Bubble Wrap. Each pop sends you to a world of color and computerized Big Brother setting that's a lot like an acid trip. Great for packaging gifts to your in-laws and even better for wrapping yourself in to escape the "real world". Ignorance is bliss, folks, and it's even better when you can blame it on an external force. So get some bubblevoid Bubble Wrap today and pop away! It's America's favorite past-time next to Baseball and channel surfing.
★ SOL INVICTUS - INFECTIOUS?
hypnagogy is an RPG based on what kids today are calling "MMORPG", which stands for "Multitudes of Misfits Online Role-Playing Games", that boasts a highly addictive pull towards youngsters. I'm not condoning drugs use - unless they're prescribed by a doctor, then it's free game - but it seems that the game within the game is more addictive than ever. "Sol Invictus", which already sounds suspiciously like a virus epidemic, is now causing fictional people within a fictional game playing another fictional online game to fall into comas.
Comas.
Now, apparently there's this whole plotty reason behind it, but I'm not a fan of reading, and once I saw "comas", I didn't need to know anymore. No, I know.
Sure, it may be written off as an "'interesting development" that could promote "bonding" between characters who never interacted before, but I think this just shows you that one of our greatest threats is still roaming about uninhibited: ROBOTS.
Computers are made of metal and plastic, they have microchips, and they can talk to us if they want. Isn't that essentially what a robot, is? So, now they have the ability to put people into comas? This may be a fictional online game with members who are probably high schoolers and college students posting in-between classes, but this kind of thinking is going to give computers bad ideas. It may start as just a third person log in a community, but pretty soon we are going to see our laptops luring us in, and the next thing we know we wake up in a hospital, told we missed the best years of our lives.
You know what? You had this coming, Sol Invictus. Consider yourself ON NOTICE.
How does that feel? I'll be watching you. No more comas on the innocents of the LiveJournal community! Unless, they deserved it by supporting the LiveJournal move to Moscow. Then, power to you.
★ SPECIAL GUEST
All right ladies and gentlemen, my special surprise guest this Friday is so surprised, even he doesn't know what's going on. But really, the best surprise would be to end up on my show, even through the text-based chatting of online blogging.