Mar 30, 2005 08:32
so the weekend is coming up and i am getting very excited. I was a little worried yesterday as i was told by Tim he would call me back 5 to 10 min after i got off the phone with him. Well he never called back. After about 30 min i called him and he was like "SHIT!!!! Karen i am sooooo sorry" so yea he is just a forgetful head.
Told Mark i was coming down this weekend. he went voiced his concern about Tim just using me. But he worded it is such away that it really rubbed me the wrong way.Granted as Laurie stated he hasn't seen Tim in a long time either and the last thing i had Known about Tim that i had told mark was about his past with "random" women. I understand where he was coming from and Lord knows that if it was reversed i would have probably said something too... and so i mean i hate that i feel this way as i feel very hypocritcal. but i would like to think that i would voice my concern as a friendly voice and not a parental athourity... kinda ask him to think and not tell him what i believe is going on.
But i mean i believe i have isolated what it is that is bugging me.... i know Tim i know he isn;t out to use me or hurt me or anything and as such even those who don't know the changes that have happend... i don't like when they attack such a great guy... even when they don't know he is a great guy.
As well Mark said after telling me what it is he was thinking that i should have known he would say something. If I am therefore burdened with the fact that i MUST know him (burdened is a bad word... held responsible is more accurate) than should he therefore not know me and know that i am a big girl who has handled harder... a Guy that actually WANTS something from you. hehehe
Granted he doesn't know i am not a virgin but that holds nothing to what he should know....it would help to explain alot....but i am just not ready to see the disappointment on his face. And i would see it as it is not something taht i would want to tell him in any way other than face to face.
I want to be protected and held and kept safe... but i don't want to be smoothered. I want to be loved.
Everyone thinks Mark likes me..... i don't know maybe my mom has been singing that tune for awhile now.... but i told Mark and i mean it.... my feelings for Tim are what they are and have always been.
Tim is that guy the one in your life that is always going to hold a special place... a place that no one else can take. Things happen in life for a reason.... all will be explained i trust that.