(no subject)
be sorted @ nimbo.net
A gryffindor, yup thats me. Right about now, i would kill to have someone to play Harry Potter scene it? with me. Wouldnt it be nice if i actually had someone around here who even knew a single bloody fact about Harry Potter. I would even sink as low as to play with my parents except its blatently obviouis that they could never answer a single question, even if there was a gun pointed right at there heads. I cant blame them though, it isnt there fault that i love somthing that they may never understand,. We are from completly different era's and i probably wouldnt spare a second to try to learn about somthing that they enjoyed in there youth.
And so I remain as the epitome of lonlieness at this particular point in time. I really miss home and my friends so much. Yes i have met some poepel here, but really only the poeple that i work with because i work all the time. Unfortunatly, the common working age up here seems to start at 12, so there are alot of people at my job that i wouldnt spend a single second with outside of work.. I get along most with the older staff really, my management staff who are all in there 20's and thirties. For the first time ever, one of them said that she thought i was like 22 or somthing becuase of the way that i act around here.. Deffinatly a welcome change to the ususal response of anywhere between 12 and 15, because apparently, i really dont look like im an adult, and soon to be 19.
There has been scandle already, even though ive only been at my job up here for about 5 months.. There is this manager of mine who is like 27 or somthing, and has a wife and a kid. I talk to him becuase we have things in common and he gives me rides home when i close. I dont consider him to be more then a source for transpertation. Unfortunatly, he seems ot think that we are friends, and his wife hates me becuase she thinks there is somthing happening, and worse then that, sevral of the staff memember also seem to think that we have somthing going on secretly.. ewww.. if only i could just tell them all that im gay and that would change there mindes, but thats none of there buisness. I already had to deal with poeple at work back home thinking that i must want them and that everything i say to them is flirting and all that bullshit, just cause i dig chicks, and that makes me a freek to them or somthing. Its even worse up here becuase the bulk of the town is totaly stuck in the 1900's and they are still helbent determined to be correct in assuming that homosexuality is the devil's work or some rediculous notion along those very same lines.
Homophobic people drive me up the wall. I get that everyone is intitled to there own opinions, thats deffinatly how i feel, but putting someone down because they are different and they have different feelings than u just isn't right..
How hard is it to understand that you cant choose who you love. Love is a complex emotion, and your heart wants whoever it wants, and there isnt shit that u can do about it. Of course u can hide your feelins, and try to ignore it, but then all you feel is pain becusae your lieing to yourself, and you can feel, in the very depths of your soul that you should embrase the love, but your just not willing to, so your miserable.. Fine, thats your choice, but i know who i am, i know what i am, i know how i feel and im just fine with it.
I see a girl and I can just think, wow, amazing, beauty, love, life. I can see how amazing the female form is.
I look at a guy, and i feel nothing. Sure some of them have nice bodies, that they have worked hard on, but just cuase i think that there pecks are nice doesnt mean i want ot jump on them. Not going to happen, becuase when im around a girl that i like my heart is pounding, i cant stop shaking, i want to hold her and never let her go. On the other hand, when im around a guy, i just dont feel right, i feel awkward and rawr, i just want to run away. Guys are great, but just as friends cuase i can talk to them and relate to them, but when im put in a boundry pushing situation, i do my best to let them know to back the hell off.
My level of lonlienes is slightly subdued, due ot the fact that i have my own kitten (Tara, who is nearly 5 months old) who loves me to death, and just loves to cuddle up on my lap(which she is doing right now) and just purr and keep me company. The rest of my life isnt so great. I have even less of a relationship with my parents now, then when i was living with my cousin this summer. When i was down there, they called me every couple of days, and we excited to hear from me. Now with me being up here, when im not at work, i spend 99.9% of my time alone with my kitten, watching movies, reading books and surfing the net. Ive inadvertantly become my brother. My dad hated the fact that i used to spend so much time in teh living room watching TV,and now it seems that ive retreted into the solitary of my own room, and i only go out there to tell them when i work the next day, to make somthing to eat, or to haul in wood for the fireplace to keep this house headed. The fact that it is a 2 story house with concret floors downstairs where we are makes it rather difficult to heat, and the rest of hte time you cant breath becuase it is overly hot.
My excitment is growing. On hte agenda so far for this year that hasnt even begun yet:
April: "The best damn thing," which will be Avril Lavigne's 3 album, with the newest single, Keep Holding On hits stores at the end of April.
May:Spiderman 3 on the 4th, Shrek 3 on the 18th and Pirates of the Caribbean:At World's End on the 25th,...(May rocks)
July: More important than all the previous, put together however, is the July world release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which hits theaters on July the 13th.
The following week, i depart for edmonton, and from there i catch a flight to England, the official beginning of my 3 month Europe Trip.
By the time i come back, all of the movies mentioned above should be be out on DVD, or at least getting close to it, and ill be picking htem up as soon as possible.
Anyhow, that should at least make um for most of the time when i didnt post. Its nice ot get inspired to write on this thing every so often, and to show that i can be articulate if i really want to be, but i ususaly have to wait a couple of months just so i actually have enough interesting things to actually post about. My life is not as exciting as yours Tam, somthing worth writing about most certainly doesnt come along every day. Ususaly, i go to work, somthing lame happens there, i come home, watch a movie then go to bed. What a sad sorry existance to admit to having, but it will be worth it when i have the money that i need to take a few months off this year.