ADVICE: Home-Made Sex Toys
This was taken from Home-Made Sex Toys Web Site. It may seem funny, but it's not a bad idea if it will cut down on Rape, Sexual Assault, and Stalker Behavior. Especially when people discover that they can actually communicate with the Subconscious Minds of Adult Film Stars and practically any beautiful female on the Planet.
Melon Vagina
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Water Balloons
Get about four or five balloons. Fill them with warm, not hot, water. Tie the ends so water will not squeeze out. This also works with hot water bottles.
Take a pillow; roll it up like a tube and tie a string around it or even use your belt. Push the warm water balloons into the opening of the pillow tube. Your fleshy warm vagina is almost ready. Take a small plastic kitchen trash can bag. Push it in between the balloons in the pillow. Put some lubricant of your choice inside the plastic bag that is being tightly squeezed by the balloons.
Get your dick ready. Put the pillow on bed. Put your dick inside this plastic vagina. You will feel the warmth, slipperiness and tightness you only dreamed of
Bar Stools
Take three bar stools (ones that don't have backs) and arrange them into a triangle. Spread paper towel, newspaper or plastic between the stools so you
can squirt freely when the time comes.
Then lay down on the stools face down, one stool under your chest and one under each thigh. This allows your "package" to hang down. Use one or both free hands to fondle your double dong in whatever manner you prefer. If you want, you can tip your head forward to look underneath and watch the action.
Big Bag Bounce
Get two very large trash bags and tape them together to make one large bag. It takes a little practice to get the ends taped just right.
inflate the bags with air (vacuum cleaner) and when it gets almost full but not quite, I remove the air supply and tape over the hole.
Lube up your cock and get on top of the bags and begin humping.. When you get close to cumming, you can puncture a small hole or maybe a few holes in the bag and "ride" it down. Time it to cum just before you hit bottom.
Condom Roll
Take one toilet paper (or paper towel) tube, one condom, and some lube. Put the condom inside the roll and stretch the opening of the condom across the opening of the tube. Fold the end of the condom over the end of the tube and hold with one hand.
Lube well and go at it like hell. BONUS: Pull on the tip of the condom while you jack and it feels like a blowjob.
Sock 'Em
Take a sock and roll it up like a donut.
Put a latex surgical glove in the rolled up sock. Wrap the end of the glove over the top of the sock to hold it in place. Lube up the inside.
Strap-on and go at it. You can also put it between two pillows or between your mattress and your box spring, and pump away.
Autofellatio
Note, this could be dangerous, proceed with caution: Take a piece of pvc pipe insulation and cut it the right length to fit your dick. It should be tight so no air will leak out.
Start pumping your dick and suck on pipe at the same time until you're really to cum. Or keep going, if you'd like a taste.
Couch Love
Take a small plastic bag and fill it with lube. Trust us, this is better than cyberskin.
Place it between the cushions of your couch or between your mattress and box spring, get on your knees and pump away!
Shampoo Shudder
Cut both ends off a shampoo bottle that is slightly larger than your cock. Put two socks into the bottle. The stocks should be one inside the other and should be thick enough to fill up the bottle. Cut the toes off the socks.
Wrap the open ends of the socks around the outside of the bottle and tape them. (Duct tape works best). Now do the same thing with a long latex glove. Keep the fingers of the gloves intact except for one that you can use for releasing pressure and providing suction, cut a hole in that one. Insert a butt plug you-know-where for extra thrills.
Use your favorite lube and go at it. If the bottle is too big, use more socks to take up room and provide extra padding.
Sponge Off
Wet two sponges with hot water and wring them out.
Put them in a plastic juice cup and put lube in between. Make sure to use an unbreakable plastic cup.
Enjoy! The sponges will conform to the size of your dick, making for a nice tight fit, a beautiful fake pussy.
Bubble Wrap
Roll bubble wrap into a cylinder with a hole about the size of your dick. Roll it with the bubbles inside.
Put a folded towel around it the bubble wrap to create a masturbation sleeve
Squirt baby oil inside and enjoy.
Soap Hole
Drill a hole through the center of a bar of soap about the size of your dick. The larger the bar of soap, the better, and better to err on the side of a too-small hole rather than a too-large one.
Get the soap wet and pump away. The edges of the bar of soap feel like a woman's lips squeezing gently down on your cock. When the hole gets a little to big to stimulate your cock, just use it to bathe.
Melon Vagina
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.
Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Water Balloons
Get about four or five balloons. Fill them with warm, not hot, water. Tie the ends so water will not squeeze out. This also works with hot water bottles.
Take a pillow; roll it up like a tube and tie a string around it or even use your belt. Push the warm water balloons into the opening of the pillow tube. Your fleshy warm vagina is almost ready. Take a small plastic kitchen trash can bag. Push it in between the balloons in the pillow. Put some lubricant of your choice inside the plastic bag that is being tightly squeezed by the balloons.
Get your dick ready. Put the pillow on bed. Put your dick inside this plastic vagina. You will feel the warmth, slipperiness and tightness you only dreamed of
Bar Stools
Take three bar stools (ones that don't have backs) and arrange them into a triangle. Spread paper towel, newspaper or plastic between the stools so you
can squirt freely when the time comes.
Then lay down on the stools face down, one stool under your chest and one under each thigh. This allows your "package" to hang down. Use one or both free hands to fondle your double dong in whatever manner you prefer. If you want, you can tip your head forward to look underneath and watch the action.
Big Bag Bounce
Get two very large trash bags and tape them together to make one large bag. It takes a little practice to get the ends taped just right.
inflate the bags with air (vacuum cleaner) and when it gets almost full but not quite, I remove the air supply and tape over the hole.
Lube up your cock and get on top of the bags and begin humping.. When you get close to cumming, you can puncture a small hole or maybe a few holes in the bag and "ride" it down. Time it to cum just before you hit bottom.
Condom Roll
Take one toilet paper (or paper towel) tube, one condom, and some lube. Put the condom inside the roll and stretch the opening of the condom across the opening of the tube. Fold the end of the condom over the end of the tube and hold with one hand.
Lube well and go at it like hell. BONUS: Pull on the tip of the condom while you jack and it feels like a blowjob.
Sock 'Em
Take a sock and roll it up like a donut.
Put a latex surgical glove in the rolled up sock. Wrap the end of the glove over the top of the sock to hold it in place. Lube up the inside.
Strap-on and go at it. You can also put it between two pillows or between your mattress and your box spring, and pump away.
Autofellatio
Note, this could be dangerous, proceed with caution: Take a piece of pvc pipe insulation and cut it the right length to fit your dick. It should be tight so no air will leak out.
Start pumping your dick and suck on pipe at the same time until you're really to cum. Or keep going, if you'd like a taste.
Couch Love
Take a small plastic bag and fill it with lube. Trust us, this is better than cyberskin.
Place it between the cushions of your couch or between your mattress and box spring, get on your knees and pump away!
Shampoo Shudder
Cut both ends off a shampoo bottle that is slightly larger than your cock. Put two socks into the bottle. The stocks should be one inside the other and should be thick enough to fill up the bottle. Cut the toes off the socks.
Wrap the open ends of the socks around the outside of the bottle and tape them. (Duct tape works best). Now do the same thing with a long latex glove. Keep the fingers of the gloves intact except for one that you can use for releasing pressure and providing suction, cut a hole in that one. Insert a butt plug you-know-where for extra thrills.
Use your favorite lube and go at it. If the bottle is too big, use more socks to take up room and provide extra padding.
Sponge Off
Wet two sponges with hot water and wring them out.
Put them in a plastic juice cup and put lube in between. Make sure to use an unbreakable plastic cup.
Enjoy! The sponges will conform to the size of your dick, making for a nice tight fit, a beautiful fake pussy.
Bubble Wrap
Roll bubble wrap into a cylinder with a hole about the size of your dick. Roll it with the bubbles inside.
Put a folded towel around it the bubble wrap to create a masturbation sleeve
Squirt baby oil inside and enjoy.
Soap Hole
Drill a hole through the center of a bar of soap about the size of your dick. The larger the bar of soap, the better, and better to err on the side of a too-small hole rather than a too-large one.
Get the soap wet and pump away. The edges of the bar of soap feel like a woman's lips squeezing gently down on your cock. When the hole gets a little to big to stimulate your cock, just use it to bathe.