I need a publisher to do my life.
Ok. So it's been a LONG while since I've been in here.
And I can pretty much say it's because the past couple months have well... SUCKED. :)
Where do I begin?!
Moving out of the house in a couple weeks.
Having surgery soon.
Living life to the FULLEST.
Haha being ODDLY optimistic.
New job.
Keeping my head up.
STRANGE message from an umm "old friend"?
CRAPPY birthday. (With the exception of the Servite boys, and the lovely Haskell/Gahr ladies.)
Finally legal.
Living life slowly, day by day.
Can't sleep and writing this at 5am.
Not totally sure what else.
I think that I am going to publish a book about/on my life.
And I'm pretty sure that it'll sell.
Actually I'm 100% sure it'll sell. :D
Ok so have you ever been hurt SO bad that you didn't think you could move on?
Haha I know you have. TRUST.
Well it's like this.
You, haha meaning me, get hurt.
Then you move on.
New clothes. New friends. New boyfriend. New job. New lifestyle. New me.
Then bam, the next thing you know you're like WHO WAS THAT GUY THAT FUCKED ME OVER?
Life is good right?
WRONG.
GUY (from statement above) messages you (haha again you, meaning me) for forgiveness.
And I guess to sum it all up, I don't know what to do.
Do I forgive knowing that the old me would have NEVER done so?
Do I forget all of the things that hurt me so badly and made me cry myself to sleep at night?
Do I stay mad and push someone who was once my best friend out of my life for good?
SO CONFUSED.
If GUY is reading this right now, you know who you are.
You leave me speechless.
I want SO badly to forgive you and have our FRIENDSHIP restored, BUT...
What's friendship without trust right?
And you lost my trust when you got with her.
But I miss having you there to lean on when there's no one else around.
I miss those two little princesses and the world's best dog.
I miss the late night food runs to In n Out.
I miss my bear.
But how could you do me so DIRTY?
Sometimes I think it would have been better if you just lived your life.
With the girl that you gave up everything for.
I mean, you love her right?
And as much as I hate her, I was raised right and I wouldn't fuck her over like she did me.
So final conclusion.
God has taught me by blessing me with cancer.
Life is too short to have enemies that you know should be your friends.
I forgive you kinda.
Things will never be the same.
But at least you (haha and I mean you not me) can have ME there to lean on if and when she does YOU dirty.
And I hope, in all honesty, from the bottom of my heart, that you're happy with her.
I hope that back then, you made the right choices.
I hope that when you tell everyone that you love her, that they believe you.
Most importantly, I hope when you tell HER you love her, that you believe yourself.
"Just think about what you really want. Because if you don't know what you want, you're just screwing around with other people's feelings." -Richie
Will post more the next time I get a chance to come home and I actually have time.
As for now, I'm gonna go do something.
Maybe it'll knock me out.