The ride is no longer fun
Alrighty, so I'm writing again. Been writing a lot lately, mostly cuz it sounds better than doing homework and I have a lot of stuff on my mind. Last night didn't turn out as I thought...I didn't do the homework, therefore I am skipping Econ Stats again. I actually might have to withdraw and that would be terrible for a # of reasons. Tierney didn't come over, pretty sure she stayed home. Sunset was too far away and Luke decided I should join him for Abby's bday at Grandmas. I saw a million people I knew when I first walked in, even a bunch of people that knew me but I really couldn't tell you who the hell they were, prolly a bunch of people from the bars which would explain why I don't remember. I saw so many people that I didn't even know who to chill with, so I just went around to everyone. Finally saw Luke, he was pretty drunk but it was funny. Jan found her outfit for Boogie Wonderland and told me I have to get one too....What the hell do girls wear for disco clothes? I don't really know...Go-go boots I'd assume...good thing it's tommorrow night. I saw Beau a bunch of times and it was kind of weird. I'm glad we're friends but he was confused when I just waved instead of running up and giving him a hug like always so his response was to say hi and hug his friend right next to me and walk on by. Whatever, we'll figure it out, I was an idiot for falling for someone so not ready for anything. I ended up crashing at Luke and Abby's and nearly slept in and missed class again. But I didn't and I felt proud, even if I was a half hour late.
I'm so sad, I think I'm finally coming down from my hiatus of ignoring reality. I need to get my shit together and focus on school. I have a plan that will be put into action this weekend. And I will meet with my advisor to find out just how much I fucked myself over.
Ridiculous.
I made some realizations....I decided that I have been SO independent all my life; paying for my food and necessities pretty much since I was 15 and had friends to drive me places. At 16 I was out on my own--NEVER home, no one ever took care of me, I don't even feel like my parents really did, which was for reasons that I understand, but it sucked for me. Then when they'd offer to take care of me or even if I was in a relationship and they wanted to take care of me I'd totally back off and refuse, even though that's what I needed all along. I'm still like that, even though my parents have started to come through lately and help at least a little, I still feel like saying fuck off I can take care of myself. Everything I have (except some random gifts) i got for myself and I'm kind of sad about it rather than being proud because it turned me into such a difficult person. I told my parents about Cancun and they didn't even care, it was like I could have called them from the airport or hell maybe even when I got home from the trip and they probably still wouldn't be suprised or care at all. Maybe I'm being dramatic again but I just am so sick of trying to take care of myself because I'm starting to fail at it miserably. I want someone to sit me down and talk to me about my minor drug and major alcohol problem but you know what? No one cares and so neither do I.
Well that was a happy journal...
Some guy outside was snowblowing and from the angle I was at it looked like he unleashed the biggest load EVER. It was funny, I laughed despite my depressed frame of mind.
I miss a lot of people from home. But then again I could probably move away and start life over and not mind one bit.
OMG I need some funds for Mexico. My flight leaves Sat afternoon and doesn't return till the following Sunday...at 2am! That's a whole day in Cancun by myself. FanTASTIC!
Jon, if you read this, I hope you cheer up and things start working out better for you. Despite all the harsh words we've shared in our online war, I still care about you and deep down inside buried under all that hate I bet you still care a little about me too.
Well that's enough typing, I'm bored of it. Time 4 accounting homework. Or maybe I'll get some food instead.
ADioS!
J
I'm so sad, I think I'm finally coming down from my hiatus of ignoring reality. I need to get my shit together and focus on school. I have a plan that will be put into action this weekend. And I will meet with my advisor to find out just how much I fucked myself over.
Ridiculous.
I made some realizations....I decided that I have been SO independent all my life; paying for my food and necessities pretty much since I was 15 and had friends to drive me places. At 16 I was out on my own--NEVER home, no one ever took care of me, I don't even feel like my parents really did, which was for reasons that I understand, but it sucked for me. Then when they'd offer to take care of me or even if I was in a relationship and they wanted to take care of me I'd totally back off and refuse, even though that's what I needed all along. I'm still like that, even though my parents have started to come through lately and help at least a little, I still feel like saying fuck off I can take care of myself. Everything I have (except some random gifts) i got for myself and I'm kind of sad about it rather than being proud because it turned me into such a difficult person. I told my parents about Cancun and they didn't even care, it was like I could have called them from the airport or hell maybe even when I got home from the trip and they probably still wouldn't be suprised or care at all. Maybe I'm being dramatic again but I just am so sick of trying to take care of myself because I'm starting to fail at it miserably. I want someone to sit me down and talk to me about my minor drug and major alcohol problem but you know what? No one cares and so neither do I.
Well that was a happy journal...
Some guy outside was snowblowing and from the angle I was at it looked like he unleashed the biggest load EVER. It was funny, I laughed despite my depressed frame of mind.
I miss a lot of people from home. But then again I could probably move away and start life over and not mind one bit.
OMG I need some funds for Mexico. My flight leaves Sat afternoon and doesn't return till the following Sunday...at 2am! That's a whole day in Cancun by myself. FanTASTIC!
Jon, if you read this, I hope you cheer up and things start working out better for you. Despite all the harsh words we've shared in our online war, I still care about you and deep down inside buried under all that hate I bet you still care a little about me too.
Well that's enough typing, I'm bored of it. Time 4 accounting homework. Or maybe I'll get some food instead.
ADioS!
J