oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place...

[rockstar08]

the past few days haven't been that great. school seems to last forever until i get to drama, but then i don't want the day to end. practice is killer, but you know how things go with that. drama is good, but things could be better. things with the girls are fine, but i get pissed off too easily. actually, a lot of people seem to affect me in negative ways lately. i wear my emotions on my sleeve, allowing anyone around to have easy access to them. i wish i was stronger...i've been through a lot, whether i talk about it or not [and i'm not referring to events that occured over the past two years]. i don't want sympathy because i don't need it, and if i got it, it probably wouldn't be real anyway. regardless, i've been through hell in the past, but i used to be strong. i never used to talk about anything that was wrong. i kept it all inside and pretended like everything was fine. when i was stronger, i could deal with things myself. then my problems became less important and my self-reliance became weaker. now i have to tell every little detail of my life to anyone that pretends to care, which is only going to get me into trouble. if i was strong like i used to be, i could keep it inside to where only i knew about it and i could depend on myself to come up with ideas and make decisions. then i could put on a smile, handle things better, and be happier overall.

i haven't had a night like last night in a long time. it wasn't good. i don't know what's wrong with me. i want all these feelings and all this confusion to go away. i don't want to talk about it anymore. i don't want to think about it anymore. i don't want to feel it anymore.

thank you.