proxemity infatuation.
am i in love with him?
am i?
or do i just miss the connection with another person so much that i'm convincing myself that i am to fulfill some kind of...void...inside of me...
I AM SO CONFUSED.
we keep having these conversations that i feel will be the end of things. we keep talking..or i keep talking rather and it just ends up a fuddled, uncontrollable mess.
what am i scared of?
-you're using me.
-you're going to decide you don't care about me anymore.
-you're going to end this because you're not ready.
all legit fears.
what is he scared of?
-too much intensity too soon.
-'i don't say some things because i'm scared it will bring you closer to me'
(WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH THAT!?)
i can boil it down pretty well. we keep having the same conversation, rehashing the same fears and insecurities. and it always ends up with me feeling like i'm demanding definitions when i'm not even ready for anything to be defined.
i need to get good and drunk.
and i can't see him until wednesday.
am i?
or do i just miss the connection with another person so much that i'm convincing myself that i am to fulfill some kind of...void...inside of me...
I AM SO CONFUSED.
we keep having these conversations that i feel will be the end of things. we keep talking..or i keep talking rather and it just ends up a fuddled, uncontrollable mess.
what am i scared of?
-you're using me.
-you're going to decide you don't care about me anymore.
-you're going to end this because you're not ready.
all legit fears.
what is he scared of?
-too much intensity too soon.
-'i don't say some things because i'm scared it will bring you closer to me'
(WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH THAT!?)
i can boil it down pretty well. we keep having the same conversation, rehashing the same fears and insecurities. and it always ends up with me feeling like i'm demanding definitions when i'm not even ready for anything to be defined.
i need to get good and drunk.
and i can't see him until wednesday.