(no subject)
I quit drugs. I quit smoking. I quit drinking. I start working. I start going back to school. I am not happy. Not happy in the slightest. I get cheated on. I get lied to. I trust no one. Not a soul. I don't want friends anymore. I don't want to socialize. It just doesn't matter.
What I want, is to produce my one great work. My contribution to humanity. I don't know what it will be. I don't know in what medium. But it needs to be done. All proceeds must go to some cause greater than myself. Clean water. For everyone. No one should have to pay ten cents for a zip-lock bag of clean water in Angola.
After this has been accomplished, I want to fade away. I suffer from mental illness which will not be understood or accepted within my lifetime. I am tired of not being able to trust anyone. I'm tired of not being wired properly. I'm tired of suffering and rotting inside my own head. I prayed so hard last night. I prayed till tears ran from my eyes. I prayed that every bit of happiness that could possibly be slated to come my way in any ensuing days I have left in this life, be divided up among all of the God's children and funneled into their lives. I have no need for it. I will never be able to appreciate the beauty of my own life.
I mustn't waste time. I need this to be over soon.
What I want, is to produce my one great work. My contribution to humanity. I don't know what it will be. I don't know in what medium. But it needs to be done. All proceeds must go to some cause greater than myself. Clean water. For everyone. No one should have to pay ten cents for a zip-lock bag of clean water in Angola.
After this has been accomplished, I want to fade away. I suffer from mental illness which will not be understood or accepted within my lifetime. I am tired of not being able to trust anyone. I'm tired of not being wired properly. I'm tired of suffering and rotting inside my own head. I prayed so hard last night. I prayed till tears ran from my eyes. I prayed that every bit of happiness that could possibly be slated to come my way in any ensuing days I have left in this life, be divided up among all of the God's children and funneled into their lives. I have no need for it. I will never be able to appreciate the beauty of my own life.
I mustn't waste time. I need this to be over soon.