we are losing it - can't you tell??
SNOW DAY.
Thank god, because I was up until 4:30 basically not getting anything done re: my Age Of Innocence reading journal. I was going to go to music, skip form & theory, and send it in online. But now I don't have to skip anything! I am going back to bed for a while before I work on it, though.
Snow makes my dad a fucking retard. Mom called from the street - literally 10 feet in front of the driveway - and needed someone to dig her out. He went out, and Mom came in to find more shovels and asked me to help, so I pulled on some jeans and boots and went outside. It's a fucking white-out; you can barely see anything. I lost my hat almost immediately and I was snow-encrusted within 5 minutes. We got the driveway cleared halfway and I did a quick shovel of the walk and front steps, and then Dad tried to direct Mom into the driveway. She had to back up and go forward, and back up and go forward, and Dad started swearing, all, "God DAMMIT ARHGH AHHH I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN AHHH YOU GOT STUCK, NO DAMMIT, AHHH, PULL FORWARD!! PULL FORWARD! NO, STOP! BACKWARD! NO! SHHHHHHIT. AHHHH I'M RIDICULOUS." That went on for a while. Mom kept saying, "Why don't YOU do it?" but his glasses had broken (he's fixing them downstairs - the lens came out) and he's a whiner. And then they cursed for a while and I'm standing there with no feeling in my face and saying, "Stopppp. It's a snowstorm. Our house is right there. We're fine."
So dad was like NO U HAVE TO DO IT B/C WAT IF YR OUT SOMEWHERE AND U GET STUCK AND WAT R U GOING TO DO THEN.
And Mom is like WELL I GUESS I'LL JUST -DIE- OKAY!?? SORRY I'M NOT PERFECT!!!
And basically everyone was a total beacon of patience and maturity. I finally yelled, "STOP BEING STUPID," but they weren't really listening to me. Jesus. Mom managed to make it all the way home on her very own - Dad just likes to mock people whenever their wheels spin idly in snow. I have no idea why. Intellectual boner or something. LOLZ I KNO HOW 2 DO IT AND U DONT LOLOLOL IM FROM INDIANA THUS IM AN EXPERT ON WHITE STUFF THAT FALLS OUT OF TEH SKYZ LOLOLOL.
While he was cursing and shoveling more snow from under her tires, I told Mom, "You guys are moving somewhere warm. I'm not coming home for Christmas if I have to put up with this crap."
Dad also has to be a total fucking martyr and he was all HUFF N PUFF N ILL BLOW YR CAR DOWN and I said, "Why don't you let me do that?" and he's like NO I'LL JUST HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT LEAST IT WILL GET ME OUT OF THIS and JESUS CHRIST he needs a life.
Anyway, Mom got in the driveway and we all 3 came inside. The end. My jeans were wet to my thighs and encrusted under the cuffs with tons of snow. I was wading through at least 18" as I tried to run around the car and onto what used to be our lawn and I kept almost falling over. I thought about making snow angels in the street, but I didn't think I'd be able to get up again and dad would have yelled at me for having fun because snow is SRS BSNS. EVEN WHEN YR HOUSE IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF U.
I thought it was pretty funny. I took pictures of my hair when I came in - I'd had a hat on and I tied it back, but the band came out and it was completely iced over - I shook chunks of snow into the sink and tried in vain to dry it with a towel. It's now a damp straggly mess!
Sucks that no one got to the store, but I found 3/4 a bag of sandwich bread and it's always peanut butter jelly time. I've been eating a ton of chocolate, which at least has calories. If I go into a diabetic coma, y'all can fight over my shit. There's also ramen&vegetable soup to be made! And some weird asian food Smeg's been stocking up.
And if you're frightened, you can be frightened, you can be - it's okay! This is my current favorite Radiohead song, for whoever's counting.
On Tuesday, Smeg and I stopped at the library and I got the Anne Sexton bio I needed for my Fundamentals of Poetry Writing presentation. I'm already 88 pages into it - it's quite good and it's the first thing I've read for pleasure in a long, long time that wasn't Wikipedia or my own writing. She's fascinating in her own messed up way and I can draw some parallels to my own depression experiences through hers. I wrote a poem for class next week - we had to write poems in the style of Some Poet and the rhythm of Sexton's poem "Her Kind" really stuck with me, so I used the stanza structure (3 seven-line stanzas) and rhyme scheme (ababcdc/efefcfc...) and wrote a sort of confessional poem of my own called 11:59. I'll work with it later and see how it fleshes out.
On an unrelated note, after my last post, Veer and I were joking about how I should come and visit her and see the Scissor Sisters and The Faint with her in St. Louis over my spring break, and since then it has sort of become a reality. I don't have a plane ticket yet or anything, but her mom's okay with it and my parents are receptive to the idea. So once I do that, I'm going to put my SS tix for Kansas City up for sale on facebook - if you want to make me an offer ahead of time, feel free. I'm 90% sure I won't be able to use them (there's a 10% chance I won't see Veer and will be able to teleport by Tuesday the 13th). Come on! Scissor Sisters! Uptown Theatre! I saw Muse there - it was a very good venue.
I was going to submit this form for a scholarship for Writer's Workshop, but I don't have a resume or letters of recommendation (thank you, Scones, for trying) and now I won't be able to get it in before 5 PM today so you know, fuck it. I did print out copies of 6 of my poems for it, and now I don't know what to do with them. Wave them at people, I guess. LQQK @ MAI WRITTINGZ.
Ughargh. I keep feeling sickly. This must stop. I'm tired all the time and my guts are weird and I've got eczema attacking my arms and legs. Also, I'm still hacking up phlegm - I've officially had a sinus infection for 3 1/2 months now. If I die of it, y'all can still fight over my stuff. And publish my stupid poetry! All of it! It's in a thumb drive on my desk!
Man, I must be tired; even I don't usually non-sequitor quite this much. I'm sad that I'm all busy and my room is in need of cleaning and I want to play piano and knit and make tacky jewelry, but I have all this school crap to do instead. And I can barely do that! This semester just blows. I know I'll do well enough in poetry and music (my true passions!), but I am hoping I don't fail theory or literature (stupid ass fucking requirements). I know, I know, I do this every time (Radiohead lyric, isn't it? You do it every time... I should listen to something that's not The Bends), every semester, every course, and I have never in my 21 years of existence failed anything so I don't know why I persist in freaking the hell out, but it's part of my nature. Also, I am actually quite bad at both subjects - and literature is no walk in the park for anyone in the class. I listened to Suede for the entire last hour of class last night and read my Anne Sexton book the whole time because it was so fucking boring. I kept turning my music UP, trying to drown Shoutyface out, to no avail.
WHY AM I STILL HERE AND TALKING. I'M GOING TO GO TO SLEEP. OR READ. OR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE SITTING UP. WUV TO ALL.
J.
Thank god, because I was up until 4:30 basically not getting anything done re: my Age Of Innocence reading journal. I was going to go to music, skip form & theory, and send it in online. But now I don't have to skip anything! I am going back to bed for a while before I work on it, though.
Snow makes my dad a fucking retard. Mom called from the street - literally 10 feet in front of the driveway - and needed someone to dig her out. He went out, and Mom came in to find more shovels and asked me to help, so I pulled on some jeans and boots and went outside. It's a fucking white-out; you can barely see anything. I lost my hat almost immediately and I was snow-encrusted within 5 minutes. We got the driveway cleared halfway and I did a quick shovel of the walk and front steps, and then Dad tried to direct Mom into the driveway. She had to back up and go forward, and back up and go forward, and Dad started swearing, all, "God DAMMIT ARHGH AHHH I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN AHHH YOU GOT STUCK, NO DAMMIT, AHHH, PULL FORWARD!! PULL FORWARD! NO, STOP! BACKWARD! NO! SHHHHHHIT. AHHHH I'M RIDICULOUS." That went on for a while. Mom kept saying, "Why don't YOU do it?" but his glasses had broken (he's fixing them downstairs - the lens came out) and he's a whiner. And then they cursed for a while and I'm standing there with no feeling in my face and saying, "Stopppp. It's a snowstorm. Our house is right there. We're fine."
So dad was like NO U HAVE TO DO IT B/C WAT IF YR OUT SOMEWHERE AND U GET STUCK AND WAT R U GOING TO DO THEN.
And Mom is like WELL I GUESS I'LL JUST -DIE- OKAY!?? SORRY I'M NOT PERFECT!!!
And basically everyone was a total beacon of patience and maturity. I finally yelled, "STOP BEING STUPID," but they weren't really listening to me. Jesus. Mom managed to make it all the way home on her very own - Dad just likes to mock people whenever their wheels spin idly in snow. I have no idea why. Intellectual boner or something. LOLZ I KNO HOW 2 DO IT AND U DONT LOLOLOL IM FROM INDIANA THUS IM AN EXPERT ON WHITE STUFF THAT FALLS OUT OF TEH SKYZ LOLOLOL.
While he was cursing and shoveling more snow from under her tires, I told Mom, "You guys are moving somewhere warm. I'm not coming home for Christmas if I have to put up with this crap."
Dad also has to be a total fucking martyr and he was all HUFF N PUFF N ILL BLOW YR CAR DOWN and I said, "Why don't you let me do that?" and he's like NO I'LL JUST HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT LEAST IT WILL GET ME OUT OF THIS and JESUS CHRIST he needs a life.
Anyway, Mom got in the driveway and we all 3 came inside. The end. My jeans were wet to my thighs and encrusted under the cuffs with tons of snow. I was wading through at least 18" as I tried to run around the car and onto what used to be our lawn and I kept almost falling over. I thought about making snow angels in the street, but I didn't think I'd be able to get up again and dad would have yelled at me for having fun because snow is SRS BSNS. EVEN WHEN YR HOUSE IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF U.
I thought it was pretty funny. I took pictures of my hair when I came in - I'd had a hat on and I tied it back, but the band came out and it was completely iced over - I shook chunks of snow into the sink and tried in vain to dry it with a towel. It's now a damp straggly mess!
Sucks that no one got to the store, but I found 3/4 a bag of sandwich bread and it's always peanut butter jelly time. I've been eating a ton of chocolate, which at least has calories. If I go into a diabetic coma, y'all can fight over my shit. There's also ramen&vegetable soup to be made! And some weird asian food Smeg's been stocking up.
And if you're frightened, you can be frightened, you can be - it's okay! This is my current favorite Radiohead song, for whoever's counting.
On Tuesday, Smeg and I stopped at the library and I got the Anne Sexton bio I needed for my Fundamentals of Poetry Writing presentation. I'm already 88 pages into it - it's quite good and it's the first thing I've read for pleasure in a long, long time that wasn't Wikipedia or my own writing. She's fascinating in her own messed up way and I can draw some parallels to my own depression experiences through hers. I wrote a poem for class next week - we had to write poems in the style of Some Poet and the rhythm of Sexton's poem "Her Kind" really stuck with me, so I used the stanza structure (3 seven-line stanzas) and rhyme scheme (ababcdc/efefcfc...) and wrote a sort of confessional poem of my own called 11:59. I'll work with it later and see how it fleshes out.
On an unrelated note, after my last post, Veer and I were joking about how I should come and visit her and see the Scissor Sisters and The Faint with her in St. Louis over my spring break, and since then it has sort of become a reality. I don't have a plane ticket yet or anything, but her mom's okay with it and my parents are receptive to the idea. So once I do that, I'm going to put my SS tix for Kansas City up for sale on facebook - if you want to make me an offer ahead of time, feel free. I'm 90% sure I won't be able to use them (there's a 10% chance I won't see Veer and will be able to teleport by Tuesday the 13th). Come on! Scissor Sisters! Uptown Theatre! I saw Muse there - it was a very good venue.
I was going to submit this form for a scholarship for Writer's Workshop, but I don't have a resume or letters of recommendation (thank you, Scones, for trying) and now I won't be able to get it in before 5 PM today so you know, fuck it. I did print out copies of 6 of my poems for it, and now I don't know what to do with them. Wave them at people, I guess. LQQK @ MAI WRITTINGZ.
Ughargh. I keep feeling sickly. This must stop. I'm tired all the time and my guts are weird and I've got eczema attacking my arms and legs. Also, I'm still hacking up phlegm - I've officially had a sinus infection for 3 1/2 months now. If I die of it, y'all can still fight over my stuff. And publish my stupid poetry! All of it! It's in a thumb drive on my desk!
Man, I must be tired; even I don't usually non-sequitor quite this much. I'm sad that I'm all busy and my room is in need of cleaning and I want to play piano and knit and make tacky jewelry, but I have all this school crap to do instead. And I can barely do that! This semester just blows. I know I'll do well enough in poetry and music (my true passions!), but I am hoping I don't fail theory or literature (stupid ass fucking requirements). I know, I know, I do this every time (Radiohead lyric, isn't it? You do it every time... I should listen to something that's not The Bends), every semester, every course, and I have never in my 21 years of existence failed anything so I don't know why I persist in freaking the hell out, but it's part of my nature. Also, I am actually quite bad at both subjects - and literature is no walk in the park for anyone in the class. I listened to Suede for the entire last hour of class last night and read my Anne Sexton book the whole time because it was so fucking boring. I kept turning my music UP, trying to drown Shoutyface out, to no avail.
WHY AM I STILL HERE AND TALKING. I'M GOING TO GO TO SLEEP. OR READ. OR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE SITTING UP. WUV TO ALL.
J.