my father.
Over the past, well... okay, since I can remember, my father has been living in 1953. He is a white man, a Christian man, an upper-middle class man, an educated man, and a total fucking asshole.
Whenever he recounts interactions with gay men, or he hears one or sees one on TV, he mockingly lisps and drops his wrists and makes horrible stupid jokes. He doesn't think it's 'right' so they shouldn't get married, and he doesn't even know his own daughter's fucking bisexual and that it hurts her every fucking time he trounces same-sex marriage. I can't even bring myself to tell him I'm a filthy queer because I'm still afraid of him and his reaction. He'll say he's known NICE gay people, like he pities them for their stupid inferiority, and he's FRIENDS with them, like he's doing them some kind of service, but the next day, he'll be cracking Brokeback Mountain jokes or wondering what exactly is wrong with them that they don't want good husbands and wives.
When rap music is heard or even mentioned, he calls it 'rap crap' and makes gibberish noises and acts like an ape and calls all rappers 'niggers.' And I hate that word passionately and do not use it, but that is what he says, every time, and I hate it. I call him on it and he insists he doesn't mean ALL black people are, but just SOME of them, and there is no excuse for it.
If you argue with him about religion, he blows two ways:
1) He WORSHIPS Christianity, calling it the oldest religion still existing (!?! wrong) and says no other faith is as good.
2) He LOATHES Christianity, but only certain Christians who are offending him on a particular day. Then he uses that select few to judge all the rest, and chirps about how amazing he is for being 'above' them. Oh, and he has a degree in philosophy and that means he knows more about faith than anyone else and more about your religion than you do and will not forget to tell you so.
In 2000, he voted for George W. Bush. He lauded Bush up until 2003 or so, even when I knew he was a horrible president with the mind of a peanut, and then he changed tunes and acted like he had never supported him. He bitched about the war, but he still makes offensive jokes about A-rabs and the 'turbanheads' who are obviously responsible for every bit of anti-American sentiment. Except he hates Bush and everything Bush stands for and voted for Kerry in 2004, so that makes it okay to completely trash everyone who is Middle Eastern and to shun all followers of Islam -- EXCEPT FOR THE GOOD ONES! The select few he thinks are okay that day!
If you know anything about anything, he knows it better than you do. If you voice an opinion, he tramples it in favor of his own skewed viewpoints. If you start crying because he has just disgraced you with his blind offensive statements about your weight or your gender or your friends or your hobbies or your mind, he doesn't stop. He keeps on going.
He thought that Smeg was actually mentally incompetent because of her fatigue and health problems lately.
He told me several times that I am fat, like I don't know, and he blamed it on what I eat and what I do and never considered his own overweight stature. Like he thinks that girls have some image to uphold. Not only that, he said I've always been fat, and all that meant to me is that he has never, ever once looked at me at all.
He used to berate me almost nightly for being reclusive, depressive and for hanging out online. It took 5 years and several visits from my online friends to convince him I could have real true friendships over the internet and that I wasn't wasting my time away. I had to go through 8 months of therapy to break my mind of his stupid, stupid clutches, because every decision I made was only made after I thought of his reaction.
He says disparaging things about my mother, about her alcoholism, and makes it sound like she was worthless until she went into rehab. He thinks her views on medicine and politics and finances and anything are pretty much irrelevant.
He buys us expensive presents and thinks this will assuage the wounds his stupid thoughtless comments have wrought. He condescends every salesman and cashier he comes across. He lambasts the children of today, yesterday and tomorrow. He mocks everything unless he likes it, and he won't try anything new unless he chooses it himself.
He's a workaholic with a short fuse and he thunders through the house on weekends and whenever he takes a day off, bashing on the walls and messing up the house, then bitching at my sister and me to clean more, when he's the one who makes most of the mess. He complains if we don't clean up the kitchen when he doesn't do it much, either, and he leaves for the hardware store all the time, with his projects spread over the house. He's driven us out of the house for hours because we can't stand his screeches and curses and how he breaks things when they don't work out just right. He's a perfectionist and hates all construction unless he oversees it and nothing is made well enough for him unless it's the best of the best and he won't settle for any less, at least not without a slew of complaints.
He hates his job. He's always hated his jobs. He never tries to find a job he likes, because it would mean accepting less pay than he has received before, and that would be beneath him. He lives in fear of poverty, so hoardes money just to spend it on stupid shit like swimming pools and leather couches. Then he can feel above my friends who might not be in the same tax bracket, but he still feels comfortably low enough on the social hierarchy to seethe at richer people for their obvious greed, without considering how they came upon their riches. He thinks more money equals more happiness, and he will never, ever be satisfied with what he has got. Then he calls US spoiled brats.
Tonight, he lambasted my gender after a benign comment I made about some men on TV fawning over a Ferrari. He said, "Men like things that are made well. WOMEN, on the other hand, will like anything if it's pretty. You can have a beautifully-painted house and a woman will LOVE it, even if it's full of termites." I told him to screw himself, and then I told him how judgmental that was, and I told him he's hating people more and more the older he gets. He didn't seem fazed, and he said that what he said was "the truth" because of what he's experienced. Essentially, yes, he does hate people more and more as he ages, for stupider and stupider reasons.
My mom came stomping upstairs about 15 minutes later, as Dad apparently tattled on me, and bitched me out for "disrespecting" my father by saying "screw you." She said she didn't agree with what he said either, but then she raged about how I should never ever say bad things to my dad because he is my father and I will bend genuflect and do as he bids for I am just a daughter and a slave to his will. "Or you can pay your own rent!"
Smeg thinks we should move out if this is the way things are going to be - Mom is bending more and more to Dad's will, and Dad is getting more and more curmudgeonly, intolerant and tyrannical. Sadly, we don't have enough money between us to last for long, and I don't know how much money we can make with the jobs we can get. And I haven't a clue how to arrange everything so that we wouldn't end up in debt. I don't really WANT to move out. I just want my parents to be nice people again. I haven't cried in weeks - I got over my depression on my own because I had to get out from under them to have my own mind back. And now I'm crying because I don't know what to do and I hate him so much for what he has become.
J.
Whenever he recounts interactions with gay men, or he hears one or sees one on TV, he mockingly lisps and drops his wrists and makes horrible stupid jokes. He doesn't think it's 'right' so they shouldn't get married, and he doesn't even know his own daughter's fucking bisexual and that it hurts her every fucking time he trounces same-sex marriage. I can't even bring myself to tell him I'm a filthy queer because I'm still afraid of him and his reaction. He'll say he's known NICE gay people, like he pities them for their stupid inferiority, and he's FRIENDS with them, like he's doing them some kind of service, but the next day, he'll be cracking Brokeback Mountain jokes or wondering what exactly is wrong with them that they don't want good husbands and wives.
When rap music is heard or even mentioned, he calls it 'rap crap' and makes gibberish noises and acts like an ape and calls all rappers 'niggers.' And I hate that word passionately and do not use it, but that is what he says, every time, and I hate it. I call him on it and he insists he doesn't mean ALL black people are, but just SOME of them, and there is no excuse for it.
If you argue with him about religion, he blows two ways:
1) He WORSHIPS Christianity, calling it the oldest religion still existing (!?! wrong) and says no other faith is as good.
2) He LOATHES Christianity, but only certain Christians who are offending him on a particular day. Then he uses that select few to judge all the rest, and chirps about how amazing he is for being 'above' them. Oh, and he has a degree in philosophy and that means he knows more about faith than anyone else and more about your religion than you do and will not forget to tell you so.
In 2000, he voted for George W. Bush. He lauded Bush up until 2003 or so, even when I knew he was a horrible president with the mind of a peanut, and then he changed tunes and acted like he had never supported him. He bitched about the war, but he still makes offensive jokes about A-rabs and the 'turbanheads' who are obviously responsible for every bit of anti-American sentiment. Except he hates Bush and everything Bush stands for and voted for Kerry in 2004, so that makes it okay to completely trash everyone who is Middle Eastern and to shun all followers of Islam -- EXCEPT FOR THE GOOD ONES! The select few he thinks are okay that day!
If you know anything about anything, he knows it better than you do. If you voice an opinion, he tramples it in favor of his own skewed viewpoints. If you start crying because he has just disgraced you with his blind offensive statements about your weight or your gender or your friends or your hobbies or your mind, he doesn't stop. He keeps on going.
He thought that Smeg was actually mentally incompetent because of her fatigue and health problems lately.
He told me several times that I am fat, like I don't know, and he blamed it on what I eat and what I do and never considered his own overweight stature. Like he thinks that girls have some image to uphold. Not only that, he said I've always been fat, and all that meant to me is that he has never, ever once looked at me at all.
He used to berate me almost nightly for being reclusive, depressive and for hanging out online. It took 5 years and several visits from my online friends to convince him I could have real true friendships over the internet and that I wasn't wasting my time away. I had to go through 8 months of therapy to break my mind of his stupid, stupid clutches, because every decision I made was only made after I thought of his reaction.
He says disparaging things about my mother, about her alcoholism, and makes it sound like she was worthless until she went into rehab. He thinks her views on medicine and politics and finances and anything are pretty much irrelevant.
He buys us expensive presents and thinks this will assuage the wounds his stupid thoughtless comments have wrought. He condescends every salesman and cashier he comes across. He lambasts the children of today, yesterday and tomorrow. He mocks everything unless he likes it, and he won't try anything new unless he chooses it himself.
He's a workaholic with a short fuse and he thunders through the house on weekends and whenever he takes a day off, bashing on the walls and messing up the house, then bitching at my sister and me to clean more, when he's the one who makes most of the mess. He complains if we don't clean up the kitchen when he doesn't do it much, either, and he leaves for the hardware store all the time, with his projects spread over the house. He's driven us out of the house for hours because we can't stand his screeches and curses and how he breaks things when they don't work out just right. He's a perfectionist and hates all construction unless he oversees it and nothing is made well enough for him unless it's the best of the best and he won't settle for any less, at least not without a slew of complaints.
He hates his job. He's always hated his jobs. He never tries to find a job he likes, because it would mean accepting less pay than he has received before, and that would be beneath him. He lives in fear of poverty, so hoardes money just to spend it on stupid shit like swimming pools and leather couches. Then he can feel above my friends who might not be in the same tax bracket, but he still feels comfortably low enough on the social hierarchy to seethe at richer people for their obvious greed, without considering how they came upon their riches. He thinks more money equals more happiness, and he will never, ever be satisfied with what he has got. Then he calls US spoiled brats.
Tonight, he lambasted my gender after a benign comment I made about some men on TV fawning over a Ferrari. He said, "Men like things that are made well. WOMEN, on the other hand, will like anything if it's pretty. You can have a beautifully-painted house and a woman will LOVE it, even if it's full of termites." I told him to screw himself, and then I told him how judgmental that was, and I told him he's hating people more and more the older he gets. He didn't seem fazed, and he said that what he said was "the truth" because of what he's experienced. Essentially, yes, he does hate people more and more as he ages, for stupider and stupider reasons.
My mom came stomping upstairs about 15 minutes later, as Dad apparently tattled on me, and bitched me out for "disrespecting" my father by saying "screw you." She said she didn't agree with what he said either, but then she raged about how I should never ever say bad things to my dad because he is my father and I will bend genuflect and do as he bids for I am just a daughter and a slave to his will. "Or you can pay your own rent!"
Smeg thinks we should move out if this is the way things are going to be - Mom is bending more and more to Dad's will, and Dad is getting more and more curmudgeonly, intolerant and tyrannical. Sadly, we don't have enough money between us to last for long, and I don't know how much money we can make with the jobs we can get. And I haven't a clue how to arrange everything so that we wouldn't end up in debt. I don't really WANT to move out. I just want my parents to be nice people again. I haven't cried in weeks - I got over my depression on my own because I had to get out from under them to have my own mind back. And now I'm crying because I don't know what to do and I hate him so much for what he has become.
J.