i want your language to be appalling...
DX It's been a long day and I haven't even done much.
Well, I took my sleeping pill around 4:30 but wasn't tired an hour later, and I went to bed anyway. I was awake for 2 more hours and then fell asleep for one, then woke up coughing violently and went to make a doctor's appointment once I was sure I wasn't going to cough anything up. I went back to bed til 1:30, and went to the doctor at 2:30.
Did you guys know that sinus infections could be so varied? I feel like ass and there's been blood in my mucus and yet, sinus infection once more. I was sure I had some strain of the flu. WTF. He looked in my nose and said, "Your nose looks like crap." No shit! It FEELS like crap. I LOOK like crap. I was SICK like crap. >\ I got some drugs for that, and the requisite note for missing religion, and we went to the drugstore.
I got candy boxes for my wommens!! So much candy. All the <3 shaped boxes were marked WAY DOWN, to either .25 or 1.00. It was amazing. So I bought six or seven. :D~~ I'm giving many of them away (to Chesh, Choco, and Dessy), though.
Also, in the neverending bitching-about-my-weight, I was an even 200 lbs. on their scale, but I've been 190 on my (not really that old) scale since New Year's. I suppose that when you're fat, you're fat and it doesn't really matter about the specifics, but I never wanted to weigh 200 pounds. I'm hopeless. Maybe I'll go on a yogurt-and-fruit diet or something. I don't know why that sounds like a good idea. Diet pills are starting to sound like a good idea. Taking up smoking for the decrease in appetite is starting to sound like a good idea. I COULD just exercise, but blah bling blah who cares. I wish that exercise resulted in anything for me. I'll have to start sprinting 5 miles a day at 50 miles/hour to lose even one pound, I think.
My contemporary writers class feels like everyone is making shit up all the time. I've never heard so much bullshit in my life (except from other writing programs, and, well, philosophy). I HATE it when people sit around talking about a book and just randomly interpreting things and saying how much it hit them RIGHT THERE OMG. Maybe I'm too cynical. Or too nonspiritual. Or whatever. Why am I in this class? I should major in plumbing or something. :\ The books we read are so shitty, too. I don't like down-home plotless crap, and I don't like meandering new-age far-fetched crap, either, and I also don't like Shitty Old Man Poetry (or Shitty Young Man Poetry, god damn, two bad poetry books to suffer through :X) and I haven't found a reason to hate the last book yet. I'm putting a lot of hope on that last book. It needs to not suck so I can feel like my time was well-spent at least PART of the semester.
I still don't quite feel like I belong anywhere, aside from Sconeborough. I don't fit in my classes and I don't fit in Omaha and I don't fit in Oklahoma, either, and I don't quite fit with my parents. I haven't found The Magical Place To Call Home yet. The closest I've come is thinking about Washington and living with Chesh in the happy little liberal places along the Puget Sound. It's got nice weather, and it's near Canadia, and Chesh is there <3, and trees are pretty trees are nice trees will never give you lice. There's a Big Damn City, and the mountains are far enough away that they won't piss me off, and the ocean isn't right in my face to be a salty hellhole full of whale shit. I just wish that -right now,- I felt like I was part of something where I am, because I sort of feel like this gigantic invasive pimple that people are either itching to pop or just waiting for me to fade away. I have such charming metaphors at hand!
Vivian would tell me this is negative self-talk, but I just feel socially inept when I know I'm not, and I feel out-of-place when I'm where I ought to be, and I feel gigantic and pustulent when I'm really a very short and small-framed (albeit heavy) person.
Out of things to say. I'll... work on something. Eat dinner. Play a game. I don't know.
J.
Well, I took my sleeping pill around 4:30 but wasn't tired an hour later, and I went to bed anyway. I was awake for 2 more hours and then fell asleep for one, then woke up coughing violently and went to make a doctor's appointment once I was sure I wasn't going to cough anything up. I went back to bed til 1:30, and went to the doctor at 2:30.
Did you guys know that sinus infections could be so varied? I feel like ass and there's been blood in my mucus and yet, sinus infection once more. I was sure I had some strain of the flu. WTF. He looked in my nose and said, "Your nose looks like crap." No shit! It FEELS like crap. I LOOK like crap. I was SICK like crap. >\ I got some drugs for that, and the requisite note for missing religion, and we went to the drugstore.
I got candy boxes for my wommens!! So much candy. All the <3 shaped boxes were marked WAY DOWN, to either .25 or 1.00. It was amazing. So I bought six or seven. :D~~ I'm giving many of them away (to Chesh, Choco, and Dessy), though.
Also, in the neverending bitching-about-my-weight, I was an even 200 lbs. on their scale, but I've been 190 on my (not really that old) scale since New Year's. I suppose that when you're fat, you're fat and it doesn't really matter about the specifics, but I never wanted to weigh 200 pounds. I'm hopeless. Maybe I'll go on a yogurt-and-fruit diet or something. I don't know why that sounds like a good idea. Diet pills are starting to sound like a good idea. Taking up smoking for the decrease in appetite is starting to sound like a good idea. I COULD just exercise, but blah bling blah who cares. I wish that exercise resulted in anything for me. I'll have to start sprinting 5 miles a day at 50 miles/hour to lose even one pound, I think.
My contemporary writers class feels like everyone is making shit up all the time. I've never heard so much bullshit in my life (except from other writing programs, and, well, philosophy). I HATE it when people sit around talking about a book and just randomly interpreting things and saying how much it hit them RIGHT THERE OMG. Maybe I'm too cynical. Or too nonspiritual. Or whatever. Why am I in this class? I should major in plumbing or something. :\ The books we read are so shitty, too. I don't like down-home plotless crap, and I don't like meandering new-age far-fetched crap, either, and I also don't like Shitty Old Man Poetry (or Shitty Young Man Poetry, god damn, two bad poetry books to suffer through :X) and I haven't found a reason to hate the last book yet. I'm putting a lot of hope on that last book. It needs to not suck so I can feel like my time was well-spent at least PART of the semester.
I still don't quite feel like I belong anywhere, aside from Sconeborough. I don't fit in my classes and I don't fit in Omaha and I don't fit in Oklahoma, either, and I don't quite fit with my parents. I haven't found The Magical Place To Call Home yet. The closest I've come is thinking about Washington and living with Chesh in the happy little liberal places along the Puget Sound. It's got nice weather, and it's near Canadia, and Chesh is there <3, and trees are pretty trees are nice trees will never give you lice. There's a Big Damn City, and the mountains are far enough away that they won't piss me off, and the ocean isn't right in my face to be a salty hellhole full of whale shit. I just wish that -right now,- I felt like I was part of something where I am, because I sort of feel like this gigantic invasive pimple that people are either itching to pop or just waiting for me to fade away. I have such charming metaphors at hand!
Vivian would tell me this is negative self-talk, but I just feel socially inept when I know I'm not, and I feel out-of-place when I'm where I ought to be, and I feel gigantic and pustulent when I'm really a very short and small-framed (albeit heavy) person.
Out of things to say. I'll... work on something. Eat dinner. Play a game. I don't know.
J.