(no subject)
my debate team.
lately, actually more like since the beginning of the year the debate team to me has been like these reigns just slipping out of my hands. or the chairs, in the musical chairs game, just getting smaller and smaller...and its that feeling, when the musics playing...and your waiting for it to shutt off completely until you've forgotten what song was just playing and ur trying to grasp why the music just turned off and then you realize its the game...and its still continuing..without you, because you waited a bit too long.
see i dont know if i can attribute my feelings of exclusion to something that sounds as simple as, I just let it slip. but now im an ancillary member of the team.
maybe its like gaetz says "goldie locks relationship." this year, i have been the cloest to my non debate friends than ever before, and i love them. but the debate team has always been my family, my home, like you run out with your bf and have to make curfew at 12 only to come and spill it out to all those who want/need/are the ones TO hear it. and last year, god knows the hard time i was going through in trying to figure things out, but they were my solace. literally, a familiar song comes on from last year and these memories flood in from ohio valley or pipkins car, just stupid shit...the little things, that for some reason have an incredibly significant impact on you when they start to become exhausted.
i dont think its the goldie locks relationship.
maybe things with pipkin and nick have made just hanging out with everyone after school less feasible.
not sure, point is they can obviously live without me. and thats fine, its just something i have to cope with.
i guess whats hard for me to come to grips with, is that it seems like the justification we all give when a member of the team is no longer appreciated (or however you regard it) is that "they're not as passionate...they dont love the team as much as we do..." i dont know, thats how i see it. well, itd be hard for me to believe/fathom any of the members just figured i didnt love them as much as they all loved eachother. because thats not true, its so untrue...n o w o r d s.
lately, actually more like since the beginning of the year the debate team to me has been like these reigns just slipping out of my hands. or the chairs, in the musical chairs game, just getting smaller and smaller...and its that feeling, when the musics playing...and your waiting for it to shutt off completely until you've forgotten what song was just playing and ur trying to grasp why the music just turned off and then you realize its the game...and its still continuing..without you, because you waited a bit too long.
see i dont know if i can attribute my feelings of exclusion to something that sounds as simple as, I just let it slip. but now im an ancillary member of the team.
maybe its like gaetz says "goldie locks relationship." this year, i have been the cloest to my non debate friends than ever before, and i love them. but the debate team has always been my family, my home, like you run out with your bf and have to make curfew at 12 only to come and spill it out to all those who want/need/are the ones TO hear it. and last year, god knows the hard time i was going through in trying to figure things out, but they were my solace. literally, a familiar song comes on from last year and these memories flood in from ohio valley or pipkins car, just stupid shit...the little things, that for some reason have an incredibly significant impact on you when they start to become exhausted.
i dont think its the goldie locks relationship.
maybe things with pipkin and nick have made just hanging out with everyone after school less feasible.
not sure, point is they can obviously live without me. and thats fine, its just something i have to cope with.
i guess whats hard for me to come to grips with, is that it seems like the justification we all give when a member of the team is no longer appreciated (or however you regard it) is that "they're not as passionate...they dont love the team as much as we do..." i dont know, thats how i see it. well, itd be hard for me to believe/fathom any of the members just figured i didnt love them as much as they all loved eachother. because thats not true, its so untrue...n o w o r d s.