Help! I can't find my head
I'm still sore in some places from the wreck, mostly my neck. I decided to see a doc last week, and she gave me some muscle relaxants and set me up with a physical therapist who is probably gonna just have me do some stretches. Meanwhiel, I've been doing some more car shopping. I went Saturday after shabbat services (which is another whole story) and it just killed me. Some people were pretty cool, but some of these sales people made me want to vomit. For example, the guy who went with me on a test drive of a used Saturn. He was a larger fellow, and when I went to release the parking brake (I'm only looking at manual trannies)... his stomach was kidna in the way. And there was the guy who tried to explain to me that since my budget was x, that I could actually buy one that's x+$7,000. I understand how loans work, asshat, and when I tell you I'm looking to spend x dollars, it means I'm looking for a car that costs no more than x dollars. People like these, I just want to say "you know what, I changed my mind, I think I want a ____ (ford, chevy, whatever this guy isn't)" I didn't really find anything that made me want to sign on the dotted line. Today, I did see the new Chevy Cobalts, and they looked alright. I'll have to think about these.
As for Saturday, that was.... interesting. Between the fact that I haven't been in nearly a year, and a friend's prodding, and narrowly missing potential injury in the accident, I was finally committed to going to temple. It was interesting, i again felt the wandering feelings I get every time I'm in temple. I feel sortof detatched, and find myself looking in and thinking "what do I feel like now?" and "shouldn't i feel some vibe or presence?" and "tell me about your mother." OK, not so much that last one. It wasn't rewarding, except that I didn't make an excuse not to, and so I was proud of myself for doing something I said I would do. That's not how you should feel about going to services. I did fnd it amusing that there was a Bat Mitzvah, and the girl had the same torah portion I had at my Bar Mitzvah half my lifetime ago. It wasn't too big a shock, since it's on an annual cycle, and my Bar Mitzvah was in August, but it was still neat to me. Unfortunately, I didn't meet anyone of interest, and I really hoped I would. I did find out about a group that will be getting together where I might be more likely to make some friends, so hopefully that will go well this coming weekend. Oh yeah, I wrote a poem while I was standing there, but it's in my car and I'm in my underwear, so I'll have to save it for another day.
Lastly, today I got called into the boss' office. They are concerned with my tardiness. Nice timing, the day they talk to me about it is the day I got here before anyone else. I think I've been improving over the last two weeks or so, but they're trying to head off any bad habits before they get started. I didn't mention that this has been a bad habit for me since grade school. I just gotta get to work on time for a few more weeks and then I'm off probation and won't have to worry about getting fired for it! Seaking of which, it's 11:20, so I bid you adieu.
P.S. My mom informed me today that my ex's sister had her baby. Why doesn't she get the point? I don't have any connection to that girl or her family anymore. Thinking about them does not put me in a happy place. Sure, I'm happy for the new mom & all, but really, I don't give a shit. I would be really happy if my mom would just not bring up that girl or her family ever again. I've tried to tell her this, but it never sticks, she always forgets eventually. I pointed it out briefly, and she said something along the lines of "well, i thought since you liked her parents..." Yeah, I did, then, but since I'm no longer sleeping with their daughter, we don't have too much of a friendship, either. Damnit, Mom, get over it, I'm not marrying that family!
As for Saturday, that was.... interesting. Between the fact that I haven't been in nearly a year, and a friend's prodding, and narrowly missing potential injury in the accident, I was finally committed to going to temple. It was interesting, i again felt the wandering feelings I get every time I'm in temple. I feel sortof detatched, and find myself looking in and thinking "what do I feel like now?" and "shouldn't i feel some vibe or presence?" and "tell me about your mother." OK, not so much that last one. It wasn't rewarding, except that I didn't make an excuse not to, and so I was proud of myself for doing something I said I would do. That's not how you should feel about going to services. I did fnd it amusing that there was a Bat Mitzvah, and the girl had the same torah portion I had at my Bar Mitzvah half my lifetime ago. It wasn't too big a shock, since it's on an annual cycle, and my Bar Mitzvah was in August, but it was still neat to me. Unfortunately, I didn't meet anyone of interest, and I really hoped I would. I did find out about a group that will be getting together where I might be more likely to make some friends, so hopefully that will go well this coming weekend. Oh yeah, I wrote a poem while I was standing there, but it's in my car and I'm in my underwear, so I'll have to save it for another day.
Lastly, today I got called into the boss' office. They are concerned with my tardiness. Nice timing, the day they talk to me about it is the day I got here before anyone else. I think I've been improving over the last two weeks or so, but they're trying to head off any bad habits before they get started. I didn't mention that this has been a bad habit for me since grade school. I just gotta get to work on time for a few more weeks and then I'm off probation and won't have to worry about getting fired for it! Seaking of which, it's 11:20, so I bid you adieu.
P.S. My mom informed me today that my ex's sister had her baby. Why doesn't she get the point? I don't have any connection to that girl or her family anymore. Thinking about them does not put me in a happy place. Sure, I'm happy for the new mom & all, but really, I don't give a shit. I would be really happy if my mom would just not bring up that girl or her family ever again. I've tried to tell her this, but it never sticks, she always forgets eventually. I pointed it out briefly, and she said something along the lines of "well, i thought since you liked her parents..." Yeah, I did, then, but since I'm no longer sleeping with their daughter, we don't have too much of a friendship, either. Damnit, Mom, get over it, I'm not marrying that family!