(no subject)
Well... It's been a while. I still feel like something is missing in my life. I know and I am sure you all know what I think it is. I am sure most of you are thinking... god here she goes again, or god get over it, or your so much better than that. Well, I am sorry. This haunts me daily. I wish like hell it didn't but it does. Maybe I need meds. Fuck that, though. I am not crazy. I am depressed. And fuck admiting that this shit beat me. I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to know everything and be able to handle everything and to have all the right answers. Hahahahah... If only that were the case. Some days are better than others. I thought it was passing. But, oh no. Now the bad days are less frequent, however... when a bad day hits... it hits like a bomb. It is way more intense than it had been in the past. What the hell am I doing even pouring all this onto your plates. I dunno... But I am starting to have a bad night and need to vent or I'll never be able to pull myself from my bed tomorrow for work. *Sighs* Okay well onto the more detailed post...
1. WORK: I do love work. I get lost at my job. That is my world as I know it. My co-workers rock my socks... and at work I seem to be able to let go some of the terrible feelings described above. So, it's my happy place so to speak. Come buy shoes from me... hehe...
2. JEREMY: Still dating jeremy. Love the kid to death. I'm still afraid I am afraid to let go. Not so much of the past... but more so the things I keep locked inside of me like feelings and fears... But, he is amazing and we are so open with each other even though the sentance before that would make you think otherwise. We have so much in common. We are seriously almost never apart. I love to hang out with him. We have been getting a little snappy the past few days... hopefully we can move past it. We are too awesome to let dumb shit bother us. Hmmm...
3. HOME: I still don't like my father... however, i did attempt to see him a week ago. Jeremy came along and so did the sis. We all watched boondock saints. Not a bad little evening... but doesn't make up for all the shit he has put me though... whatever... what can ya do. On a lighter side, probably gonna move out and move in an Apt. with my friend Ali for a minute to get a sense of "what it's like in the real world." Should be fun. I'll have some adjustin to do, but it is worth the experience.
4. BODY: I Pierced my wrist. It's pretty kickass. A little crazy... I feel tough. LOL... Um, my sister blew up her left ear drum yesterday with a bottle rocket. Um, I need to diet and exercise.
5. SCHOOL: *Shudders* My summer class starts tomorrow. And out of all my fave classes... It's religion! WOOOOO!
7. TO YOU: Just want to know how you are and if you ever think of me? If you care? If your happy with the path you have chosen, or if your deeper in the pit you were sinking into to. I wish you could say hello.
8. MOVIE: Saw War of the Worlds... it was kickass...
Welp, thats all for now... ler
1. WORK: I do love work. I get lost at my job. That is my world as I know it. My co-workers rock my socks... and at work I seem to be able to let go some of the terrible feelings described above. So, it's my happy place so to speak. Come buy shoes from me... hehe...
2. JEREMY: Still dating jeremy. Love the kid to death. I'm still afraid I am afraid to let go. Not so much of the past... but more so the things I keep locked inside of me like feelings and fears... But, he is amazing and we are so open with each other even though the sentance before that would make you think otherwise. We have so much in common. We are seriously almost never apart. I love to hang out with him. We have been getting a little snappy the past few days... hopefully we can move past it. We are too awesome to let dumb shit bother us. Hmmm...
3. HOME: I still don't like my father... however, i did attempt to see him a week ago. Jeremy came along and so did the sis. We all watched boondock saints. Not a bad little evening... but doesn't make up for all the shit he has put me though... whatever... what can ya do. On a lighter side, probably gonna move out and move in an Apt. with my friend Ali for a minute to get a sense of "what it's like in the real world." Should be fun. I'll have some adjustin to do, but it is worth the experience.
4. BODY: I Pierced my wrist. It's pretty kickass. A little crazy... I feel tough. LOL... Um, my sister blew up her left ear drum yesterday with a bottle rocket. Um, I need to diet and exercise.
5. SCHOOL: *Shudders* My summer class starts tomorrow. And out of all my fave classes... It's religion! WOOOOO!
7. TO YOU: Just want to know how you are and if you ever think of me? If you care? If your happy with the path you have chosen, or if your deeper in the pit you were sinking into to. I wish you could say hello.
8. MOVIE: Saw War of the Worlds... it was kickass...
Welp, thats all for now... ler