(no subject)
I was attracted to him the first moment I saw him. I know I must have been smiling, I must have melted a bit because I remember sticking on him - my eyes wouldn’t leave him, and in the memory, it seems he smiled slightly as well.
The prospect of being with someone still makes me nervous. Knowing those moments that will come which force my ego, my ideal, and reduce it to a pile of ash - I always find myself looking at my watch during relationships as if I’m wondering how much longer I have to be on fire.
No - there is an egoist in me. And I only seek people who do not like me...they too are held to obsessions, the obsession over a possession lost which they mark as a failure and desperately need someone to be obsessed with them, so they can possess something more easily next time. Other egoists - because the only thing I know is obsession.
I don’t know how to not try to win someone over. I change every goal I had in order to align myself with only their goals, the goal of them. Only of having someone, of possessing them.
The prospect of being with someone still makes me nervous. Knowing those moments that will come which force my ego, my ideal, and reduce it to a pile of ash - I always find myself looking at my watch during relationships as if I’m wondering how much longer I have to be on fire.
No - there is an egoist in me. And I only seek people who do not like me...they too are held to obsessions, the obsession over a possession lost which they mark as a failure and desperately need someone to be obsessed with them, so they can possess something more easily next time. Other egoists - because the only thing I know is obsession.
I don’t know how to not try to win someone over. I change every goal I had in order to align myself with only their goals, the goal of them. Only of having someone, of possessing them.