(no subject)
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
child's bedtime prayer - 18th century
When I was little my mom used to say that prayer with me every night before I went to sleep. Sometimes we'd sing before we went to bed too. When she got together with my stepfather she stopped tucking me in at night and stopped saying the prayer with me. I never really prayed at all after that. A few times I think I might have tried when I was feeling pretty low and my stepdad made me feel so bad but I had pretty much given up religion. I don't really know why I thought of that prayer right now. It's pretty morbid really but then again I guess I've been feeling pretty morbid lately. Can't turn off my brain, don't really want to be around other people but don't quite trust myself to be alone.
I've really been wanting to go home and just lock myself up in my room and blast the stereo and curl up under the covers and just stay there for days. I want to give up. I am so lost.
My mom keeps calling me because she's depressed and she wants me to cheer her up. I hate talking to my mom. Everytime I go to her house she offers me tea or coffee and everytime I see her I tell her I don't drink tea or coffee but she continues to offer it to me.