Dr Who, 15 Minutes, etc., etc.
Rose in Fifteen Minutes
Around London
ROSE: *has normal life*
AUTONS: *chase Rose*
DOCTOR: *appears from nowhere and saves Rose*
ROSE: WTF?
DOCTOR: Hello! I’m the Doctor. This is my big entrance in this body...
AUDIENCE: *snigger*
DOCTOR: ... so what you have to notice is that I seem a bit manic and smile a lot. Oh, also, I’m blowing the shop up so run for your life!
ROSE: .... *goes home, taking a plot device an Auton’s arm*
Next morning
ROSE’S MUM: Don’t get up, you have no job.
ROSE: *notices flapping at flap* WTF?
DOCTOR: *makes predictable surprise appearnce*
ROSE’S MUM: OMG, a man! Want to come to bed with me?
DOCTOR: Nah, your daughter’s younger and better looking. Ooh, is that noise a cat or is it- *is attacked by Auton’s arm*
ROSE: *is also attacked*
Doctor and Rose struggle and end up writhing on the floor in a totally platonic way. They defeat the arm and they go outside.
Some street
DOCTOR: Look, there are living plastic creatures taking over the world.
ROSE: What? Who? Why? How?
DOCTOR: Just trust me, I’m the Doctor.
ROSE: But who are you?
DOCTOR: Are you deaf or what?
ROSE: ....
DOCTOR: Look, I’m just the Doctor and I can feel the earth moving and stuff. *holds hand* Did it move for you?
ROSE: ....
DOCTOR: *disappears in blue box*
Some other street
Having enlisted boyfriend Mickey’s help, Rose goes to find internet ‘Doctor Blue Box’ expert Clive
MICKEY: He might be a nutter! *stays in car*
CLIVE: *opens door* Ooh, a young girl coming to my house! I’m not going to murder you, honest. But come to my shed anyway *wink*
ROSE: *follows to shed*
CLIVE: I think the Doctor is an immortal alien! I’d say it more plausibly, but the plot needs you not to believe me.
ROSE: ....
MICKEY: *while waiting outside is eaten by a bin and replaced with Plastic Mickey*
ROSE: *gets back to car* You look a bit... shiny. But I’m not going to make a link up with the whole living plastic thing. Probably just sweat, right?
PLASTIC MICKEY: P-p-p-pizza!
ROSE: WTF?
Pizza place
PLASTIC MICKEY: *behaves strangely*
ROSE: Er, this is getting weird now...
DOCTOR: *shows up* Is this you champagne?
PLASTIC MICKEY AND ROSE: We’re not looking up at you! Or recognising your voice!
DOCTOR: We’d get to the action more quickly if you did...
PLASTIC MICKEY: *looks up* Ah, gotcha!
DOCTOR: *shoots Plastic Mickey with champagne cork and pulls his head off*
THE TERMINATOR PLASTIC MICKEY: *changes shape and attacks people*
ROSE: ....
DOCTOR AND ROSE: *run away*
Some yard
ROSE: Quick, let’s escape!
DOCTOR: Nah, let’s go and stand inside this apparently small wooden box.
ROSE: *follows him in* This is, er, bigger than it looks. You’re an alien.
DOCTOR: Dammit, you found me out!
ROSE: Is Mickey dead then?
DOCTOR: Dunno.
ROSE: OMG, I suppose I’m the one who has to be all human then...
DOCTOR: You could have guessed that already, really, couldn’t you?
Some Embankment
DOCTOR: *comes out of TARDIS* Dammit, we got so close to the signal and then it went!
ROSE: Er, does that thing fly? Where’s Plastic Mickey? What are these plastic things doing here? WTF?
DOCTOR: Just shut up and help me find a huge wheel they’re using as a transmitter. *stands so that the London Eye is directly behind him*
ROSE: What, like that? *points*
DOCTOR: What?
AUDIENCE: It’s behind you!
DOCTOR: No it’s not!
AUDIENCE: Oh yes it is!
DOCTOR: *looks* *facepalm*
Some underground place
Rose uses her vastly superior powers of observation to locate the Nestene Consciousness’ lair
ROSE: Hurry up and kill it!
DOCTOR: Don’t be stupid! Then we wouldn’t have all the excitement of nearly dying!
ROSE: *spots Not-Plastic Mickey cowering in corner and goes to hug him*
DOCTOR: *eye roll* Now then, Nestene Consciousness, go away and stop invading this planet!
NESTENE: Blob-blob-blob (Not invading. Totally not invading. Not invading. And in conclusion: not invading!).
DOCTOR: ....
AUTONS: *grab Doctor*
ROSE: This seems a good time to call my Mum. I know the Doctor doesn’t zap it until next episode, but I’m going to mysteriously get a signal underground anyway.
ROSE’S MUM: (on phone) Not now, I have to go to mortal danger the shops for plot purposes *hangs up*
ROSE: Right, I’m going to do a Tarzan impression and save the world then. *does Tarzan impression, saves Doctor from Autons and kills Nestene Consciousness*
DOCTOR: *catches Rose in a totally platonic way* Quick, let’s escape in the TARDIS that the Autons conveniently brought down here for us!
Some alley
DOCTOR: That was easy!
ROSE: You didn’t do anything.
DOCTOR: Don’t be bitter. I might let you save the world next week if you’re good.
ROSE: You mean I can come with you?! *squee*
MICKEY: (whispers) If you give in that easily you’ll look like a right slut!
ROSE: Oh, right. Sorry Doctor, can’t come. Stop tempting me with your space travel!
DOCTOR: *sulks* *leaves* *comes back* It does time travel too, you know...
ROSE: Wow! *squee* *runs into TARDIS*
MICKEY: *facepalm*