locked in my room with the dog and embarassed
For some reason, during dinner, it occurred to me exactly how I felt three years ago. It was exactly three years ago that I was ecstatic with anticipation. I could hardly sleep because it was the morning of the 30th that I boarded a bus headed to Boston to spend a weekend with her. We spent the time together and it was so wonderful and magical that I knew I wanted to change everything about myself and my life just for this girl. I wanted to be with her no matter the struggle. Now, three years later, I'm in that same house, alone, with my sister and brother telling stories of how they got engaged and when, and she's on her way back from spending this time with another man. I feel so miserable. I feel like a huge idiot and a massive failure. I feel pathetic and worthless. I feel lonely and filled with sorrow. I would give everything that I have an more to return to this exact moment 3 years ago. Even if nothing played out any differently and I ended up exactly right here again I would give anything to have my time with her again. So during dinner I felt so sad I couldn't eat, everyone started asking me what was wrong and I couldn't answer them, so I just wrapped up my dinner, put it in the fridge and came to my room for a while. Now I'm in here, feeling really embarrassed and still miserable.