Hello
It's weird how sometimes my own thoughts just don't make any sense to me. Everything around me is changing, and I'm not sure what to make of it, or what to do. The place I felt the most comfortable has gone somewhere else, and I don't know if it'll come back or if it'll feel the same. I miss it, I miss that place so much right now. All the bullshit and headaches and shit thats going on in life would just not matter when i was there. Everything would be perfect for a little while, and right now I need that feeling. When I find a place like that again, I'm going to embrace it with open arms and I'll even put up with a bunch of shit to keep it. Right now though I'm just trying to keep myself going until things are better and then come to terms with shit. I have a feeling a good cry would do me good, but it just hasn't happened yet, and I don't know if it will. I think I've learned that it takes a really long time for things to really sink into my head.
Anyhow, my mom is, well, plain and simple, i just don't want to have anything to do with her. All she does is make me feel like shit, why should I want to talk to her? I get nothing but shit from it, so there is nothing for me in it. If I don't want to do something she wants, she just tells me i'm a terrible person for it, and I'm sick of it. Why would I want to talk to anybody if all they do is tell me how much better they are and i'll never amount to anyone and no one will ever love me because i'm not perfect like they are. I don't care if she's my mother or not, I don't want to be shit on like that.
Christmas is finally almost here, and that makes me so fucking happy just because it'll finally be over and done with. I hate christmas. I hate the whole fucking idea behind it. It's not a special day, it's just like every other. The only people that should be celebrating christmas should be the christians, because thats all the holiday is truly about. It's celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, and good for that. WTF does santa claus and christmas trees and lights and getting people presents have anything to do with Jesus Christ and his birthday? Next year I don't want to do christmas, just count me out. Don't get me anything, i won't get you anything, that would be my perfect christmas. It's not some magical night, its just a bunch of crap. Fuck christmas. I'm not going to church either. My mother is trying to make me go to church, and I'm not going to. My plan is to just hide myself in the basement and wait for it to be over so we can all just get on with our daily lives instead of buying into all this coperate fucking christmas bullshit.
"nobody ever mentioned the weather can make or break your day
nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play
we live in the shadows and we had our chance and threw it away
It's never gonna be the same
cos the years are falling by like the rain
it's never gonna be the same
till the life I knew comes to my house and says hello"
just thought i'd end with that cos well, yeah.
Anyhow, my mom is, well, plain and simple, i just don't want to have anything to do with her. All she does is make me feel like shit, why should I want to talk to her? I get nothing but shit from it, so there is nothing for me in it. If I don't want to do something she wants, she just tells me i'm a terrible person for it, and I'm sick of it. Why would I want to talk to anybody if all they do is tell me how much better they are and i'll never amount to anyone and no one will ever love me because i'm not perfect like they are. I don't care if she's my mother or not, I don't want to be shit on like that.
Christmas is finally almost here, and that makes me so fucking happy just because it'll finally be over and done with. I hate christmas. I hate the whole fucking idea behind it. It's not a special day, it's just like every other. The only people that should be celebrating christmas should be the christians, because thats all the holiday is truly about. It's celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, and good for that. WTF does santa claus and christmas trees and lights and getting people presents have anything to do with Jesus Christ and his birthday? Next year I don't want to do christmas, just count me out. Don't get me anything, i won't get you anything, that would be my perfect christmas. It's not some magical night, its just a bunch of crap. Fuck christmas. I'm not going to church either. My mother is trying to make me go to church, and I'm not going to. My plan is to just hide myself in the basement and wait for it to be over so we can all just get on with our daily lives instead of buying into all this coperate fucking christmas bullshit.
"nobody ever mentioned the weather can make or break your day
nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play
we live in the shadows and we had our chance and threw it away
It's never gonna be the same
cos the years are falling by like the rain
it's never gonna be the same
till the life I knew comes to my house and says hello"
just thought i'd end with that cos well, yeah.