everyone's hometown.
Spring break in Tokyo kicked my ass in the best way possible. Even though running on naps in a capsule was a little miserable, I'm glad every day this past week was retarded-busy, holy shit. Too much to sum up!
Although coming home by the night bus was shitty, because I can't really sleep on buses and it gave me too much time to get cynical and lonely. I cried leaving everyone in Tokyo, which only reinforces how much fun I had, I guess.
Before leaving yesterday, Alli and I met up for catch-up coffee with just the two of us, and the conversation led to how you have to be pretty weird to want to end up in Japan, since you're always going to be on the outs with everyone. Yuu and I also talked about a similar sort of thing, of just getting so used to being lonely but always bouncing between people. I know that lately, I'm worried that digging my heels in and making the best of going ahead by myself will just lead to me getting used to be lonely, and ending up a little rotten and unlovable because of it.
I remember falling into my night bus funk once I realized that if I ever come back to Japan, just about everyone who has made it an amazing part of my life won't be there if I come back. Sure, I could visit my host family for dinner, I could hope that Japanese friends are still living where they are now with time for me to pop back in.. But no, it won't ever be the same.
And the I realized that's the case back home too. I miss my memory of Denver, but I'll be coming home to a different Denver. Thinking this, I got so incredibly homesick and almost excited that I'll be going home in a few months time.. But then that thought scares me too, because my heart is going to snap in half when I leave this country.
Although coming home by the night bus was shitty, because I can't really sleep on buses and it gave me too much time to get cynical and lonely. I cried leaving everyone in Tokyo, which only reinforces how much fun I had, I guess.
Before leaving yesterday, Alli and I met up for catch-up coffee with just the two of us, and the conversation led to how you have to be pretty weird to want to end up in Japan, since you're always going to be on the outs with everyone. Yuu and I also talked about a similar sort of thing, of just getting so used to being lonely but always bouncing between people. I know that lately, I'm worried that digging my heels in and making the best of going ahead by myself will just lead to me getting used to be lonely, and ending up a little rotten and unlovable because of it.
I remember falling into my night bus funk once I realized that if I ever come back to Japan, just about everyone who has made it an amazing part of my life won't be there if I come back. Sure, I could visit my host family for dinner, I could hope that Japanese friends are still living where they are now with time for me to pop back in.. But no, it won't ever be the same.
And the I realized that's the case back home too. I miss my memory of Denver, but I'll be coming home to a different Denver. Thinking this, I got so incredibly homesick and almost excited that I'll be going home in a few months time.. But then that thought scares me too, because my heart is going to snap in half when I leave this country.