(no subject)
:sleepwalk:
i can understand why so much antipsycotic/ antidepressant medication is required here (this country). the checks just aren't big enough and more often than not i find myself financially claustophobic. the thological end of my job would say to:
"depend on the creator of the universe, but to make it more tangible to mere humans we'll portray something infinate in that bit of flesh and bone we're all familliar with. so yeah, ask that guy. fabricate his or her persona in your immagination, self-induce some schizophrenia. and get some real answers damnit~!"
i can't hack, or i don't hack. i'll need something more. consuming everything that can fill that now jaded void. more booze, drugs, meaningless drunken sex with fat chicks. and no im not happy in that but at least i can see it, in the moment it feels good to consume, the poisons go down far too easy after a while. but i guess that's just as false as the voices some pretend to hear. just a passing chemical feeling, only i deliberately put that chemical there.
i just can't cut myself from this world. i used to dream of being entirely self sufficient, without addictions or emotional anchors, i could need only food, water, and sleep. i would have everything i needed between my head and my hands. but i've been swallowed up in nightly activities, television, advertizing, transportation, fuel for transportation, nicotine, alcohol, heat, tires, clothing, an income, a dresscode.
im scratching for peace here, those that say they have the answer are surrounded by those that pretend to have figured it out too, for the image or the social acceptance. i won't say they don't have the answer, but i won't pretend to agree with them and have half a heart in the peace pool.
i can understand why so much antipsycotic/ antidepressant medication is required here (this country). the checks just aren't big enough and more often than not i find myself financially claustophobic. the thological end of my job would say to:
"depend on the creator of the universe, but to make it more tangible to mere humans we'll portray something infinate in that bit of flesh and bone we're all familliar with. so yeah, ask that guy. fabricate his or her persona in your immagination, self-induce some schizophrenia. and get some real answers damnit~!"
i can't hack, or i don't hack. i'll need something more. consuming everything that can fill that now jaded void. more booze, drugs, meaningless drunken sex with fat chicks. and no im not happy in that but at least i can see it, in the moment it feels good to consume, the poisons go down far too easy after a while. but i guess that's just as false as the voices some pretend to hear. just a passing chemical feeling, only i deliberately put that chemical there.
i just can't cut myself from this world. i used to dream of being entirely self sufficient, without addictions or emotional anchors, i could need only food, water, and sleep. i would have everything i needed between my head and my hands. but i've been swallowed up in nightly activities, television, advertizing, transportation, fuel for transportation, nicotine, alcohol, heat, tires, clothing, an income, a dresscode.
im scratching for peace here, those that say they have the answer are surrounded by those that pretend to have figured it out too, for the image or the social acceptance. i won't say they don't have the answer, but i won't pretend to agree with them and have half a heart in the peace pool.