tired in the soul
I am just _tired_ in the very fiber of my being. I am tired of all that goes on with my extended family, all the shit at work, the health problems, just tired of it all.
I want work to "downsize" me so I can get a severance package and get the $@*! out of there. I want my sister to assume responsibility for her debts. I want, I want, I want....I'm just like a spoiled child, consumed by my wants.
I could take the iniative and quit the damn job. THe work is not bad, but cleaning up after somebody else truly pisses me off. If there was a reason, some crisis, some illness, something that would _end_ I could deal with it. But because it just seems to be a way to put the shaft to the department, well, it makes me want to pick up a chair and hit her. Especially when I have to give up _my_ time off because she decides not to come in because she's too freaking cheap to find a babysitter for her brats for _1_ freaking day. And don't bother telling me about moms & working - been there, done that, got the t-shirt and I _never_ stuck anybody with my work.
As for my sister - she's too busy worrying about her "friend" who signed himself out against medical advice from 2 hospitals and 2 nursing homes to be concerned with her responsibilities. SHe is currently looking for cheap rehab equipment so she can help him get better. Sounds sweet, doesn't it? She wouldn't even so much sit with my mom 1 afternoon when my mom was dying of cancer, would avoid visiting. *aaaarrrrrgghhh* I got to stop thinking about this, it's making me more crazy than what I am.
As for my health, I really shouldn't complain. I got a clean bill of health at my checkup Thursday (and I could resume "all normal activities" _woo_hoo_!) but I got to go back next month. I don't _feel_ like visiting the doctor every month. She's nice and all that, but I just don't want to go. (I also don't want to go to the dentist - in fact, I don't want to go to work...here we are, I'm sounding like a spoiled child again.)
Thankfully, I have my immediate family. If I didn't have Kimba, I would just be sitting in the funny farm right now, probably would have been for years. He is wonderful to put up with my many moods, which seem to change rapidly in a very short period of time. The cubs are cool, but I don't think they understand a lot of what I feel. I don't think I quite understand it, either.
that's it, I'm done ranting for this moment in time.
I want work to "downsize" me so I can get a severance package and get the $@*! out of there. I want my sister to assume responsibility for her debts. I want, I want, I want....I'm just like a spoiled child, consumed by my wants.
I could take the iniative and quit the damn job. THe work is not bad, but cleaning up after somebody else truly pisses me off. If there was a reason, some crisis, some illness, something that would _end_ I could deal with it. But because it just seems to be a way to put the shaft to the department, well, it makes me want to pick up a chair and hit her. Especially when I have to give up _my_ time off because she decides not to come in because she's too freaking cheap to find a babysitter for her brats for _1_ freaking day. And don't bother telling me about moms & working - been there, done that, got the t-shirt and I _never_ stuck anybody with my work.
As for my sister - she's too busy worrying about her "friend" who signed himself out against medical advice from 2 hospitals and 2 nursing homes to be concerned with her responsibilities. SHe is currently looking for cheap rehab equipment so she can help him get better. Sounds sweet, doesn't it? She wouldn't even so much sit with my mom 1 afternoon when my mom was dying of cancer, would avoid visiting. *aaaarrrrrgghhh* I got to stop thinking about this, it's making me more crazy than what I am.
As for my health, I really shouldn't complain. I got a clean bill of health at my checkup Thursday (and I could resume "all normal activities" _woo_hoo_!) but I got to go back next month. I don't _feel_ like visiting the doctor every month. She's nice and all that, but I just don't want to go. (I also don't want to go to the dentist - in fact, I don't want to go to work...here we are, I'm sounding like a spoiled child again.)
Thankfully, I have my immediate family. If I didn't have Kimba, I would just be sitting in the funny farm right now, probably would have been for years. He is wonderful to put up with my many moods, which seem to change rapidly in a very short period of time. The cubs are cool, but I don't think they understand a lot of what I feel. I don't think I quite understand it, either.
that's it, I'm done ranting for this moment in time.