insane in the brain
I really am _nuts_. I have all the angst at work whether or not they will be closing us down. Actually, I _know_ they will. The big question is when and how - if they hold off until after the first of the year, they will try to get by without paying severance. I wish they'd resolve this mess so I can figure what _I'm_doing besides being driven mad by all the anxiety in the building.
Yesterday, they closed the tunnels - the tunnels I use to commute to work - due to a terrorist threat. Luckily, no one was hurt and it only backed up traffic somewhat on the ride home, but _still_ this is _freaking_ nuts_.
Let's not talk about the health stuff, hopefully that has been resolved by the procedure last week.
so of course we're back to grief. I was informed that my older sister did not pay _1_ penny towards Andy's (_her_son) funeral and stuck my brother with the bill. I know how she did it, basically backed him into a corner where he _had_ to pay. SHe has done this to me so many times for lunches, I won't go to lunch with her anymore. DOn't get me wrong, I don't mind paying on a rotating basis - but not _every_time.
So my brother called me to tell me "my share" of the funeral expenses. I could argue it was _his_ decision to pay for it, but my brother is a good guy and I wouldn't stick him with this bill. It's not his fault that his sister (and mine) is an irresponsible jackass. So along with the grief, I got a good dose of anger, too.
I _knew_ I'd have to chip in for How's funeral. She had no money, hadn't worked in years, no insurance. And as painful as it was, I had some direct input in that funeral so I had some control over the cost. With Andy's, Bee decided _everything_ and of course it was more expensive - she had him laid out at a church, had a funeral mass at the church which involved transporting the body back and forth _twice_. It didn't matter because she (and her deadbeat exhusband) wasn't going to pay for it. If I was going tohave to pay for it, at least I could have had _some_input into the cost.
I know, it sounds like it's all about the money. Maybe it is. I spent a whole Sunday tiling Bee's floors to help her get her dogs back (whether she _should_ have gotten them back, I still don't know. If the alternative was euthanasia for the dogs, than I guess I did the right thing.) I was so filthy by the time I got home, Kimba had to wash my clothes _3_ times to get the smell out. I felt that it was probably a good thing to do because I knew how much she missed those dogs. She called me up the next day to tell me I didn't do such a great job on her _second_floor. Well, I can only work with the materials I had. That floor needed a lot more than tile.
It's the constant dynamic - if she gets pissed on, she trys tomake sure everybody else gets a little wet, too. I have done nothing to warrant that treatment from her.
SO I feel angry at her behavior, as well as feeling sorry for her loss. It's going to be a _very_ difficult holiday season.
I think I'm thru venting for a few minutes. Perhaps now I will get a good night's sleep.
Yesterday, they closed the tunnels - the tunnels I use to commute to work - due to a terrorist threat. Luckily, no one was hurt and it only backed up traffic somewhat on the ride home, but _still_ this is _freaking_ nuts_.
Let's not talk about the health stuff, hopefully that has been resolved by the procedure last week.
so of course we're back to grief. I was informed that my older sister did not pay _1_ penny towards Andy's (_her_son) funeral and stuck my brother with the bill. I know how she did it, basically backed him into a corner where he _had_ to pay. SHe has done this to me so many times for lunches, I won't go to lunch with her anymore. DOn't get me wrong, I don't mind paying on a rotating basis - but not _every_time.
So my brother called me to tell me "my share" of the funeral expenses. I could argue it was _his_ decision to pay for it, but my brother is a good guy and I wouldn't stick him with this bill. It's not his fault that his sister (and mine) is an irresponsible jackass. So along with the grief, I got a good dose of anger, too.
I _knew_ I'd have to chip in for How's funeral. She had no money, hadn't worked in years, no insurance. And as painful as it was, I had some direct input in that funeral so I had some control over the cost. With Andy's, Bee decided _everything_ and of course it was more expensive - she had him laid out at a church, had a funeral mass at the church which involved transporting the body back and forth _twice_. It didn't matter because she (and her deadbeat exhusband) wasn't going to pay for it. If I was going tohave to pay for it, at least I could have had _some_input into the cost.
I know, it sounds like it's all about the money. Maybe it is. I spent a whole Sunday tiling Bee's floors to help her get her dogs back (whether she _should_ have gotten them back, I still don't know. If the alternative was euthanasia for the dogs, than I guess I did the right thing.) I was so filthy by the time I got home, Kimba had to wash my clothes _3_ times to get the smell out. I felt that it was probably a good thing to do because I knew how much she missed those dogs. She called me up the next day to tell me I didn't do such a great job on her _second_floor. Well, I can only work with the materials I had. That floor needed a lot more than tile.
It's the constant dynamic - if she gets pissed on, she trys tomake sure everybody else gets a little wet, too. I have done nothing to warrant that treatment from her.
SO I feel angry at her behavior, as well as feeling sorry for her loss. It's going to be a _very_ difficult holiday season.
I think I'm thru venting for a few minutes. Perhaps now I will get a good night's sleep.