I need to release this.
I was browsing my time line pictures a while ago.. Memories of friends that used to be, moments spent and everything, then I checked the photo I posted that you liked a couple of months ago. I was with my friend in that photo. That was the time you both chatted.
I checked it and noticed something. You unliked it.
It's like, my heart just sank, you know? Like, why would you do that? I mean, should I be happy that you atleast checked my profile after that, or to be sad of what you did? Why? Is it because your girlfriend might be jealous or something? To not give me any expectations that you'll come back again? But why did you even liked it in the first place?
I don't know what to feel anymore. Sometimes when I'm having a shitty day, thoughts of you would just pass by. And it made me think of circumstances like, "what if we're together and you're still here with me? You probably would soothe me with your words, comfort me in any way possible. You probably would treat me a snack, or buy me a chocolate, or divert the topic so that I won't dwell on it."
You were the only person who knows how to calm me down. You know me better. You just know.
And that's why I sometimes think of you and miss you. It's like, the need for you still exists within me. How can I possibly let go of a person who knows me better? Who knows what's best for me? Who know how to treat me right? Who could see through my flaws, my imperfections, yet still cares for me and so as with what I feel?
Shit. Why is this such a big deal in the first place. I don't know, I mean, I find it hopeless to search for another you. There's nothing like you, and yes, I do regret choosing my friends over you. I do, I really fucking do. Because it didn't make me happy - it made me even more miserable. I realized along the way that they're not whom I thought they would be. They didn't stuck up for me on my birthday, instead, they tried to sabotage it. They ruined what could've been. Ohmygosh. I mean, why didn't I ever realize that in the first place?
Even in this life without you, you still know what's right for me. And the thought of it just makes me regret a lot more. God, I just wish all the longing I feel for you would subside already, it's been hell of 3 years. I'm tired of longing so much for you. I know, that maybe if we do meet each other again, it's not gonna be the same. You changed, I changed. But my longing for you, it's still there.
I just want you back, you know? To be a part of my life again. Or maybe I'm saying this coz' I still haven't found the right person whom I can spend my life with. While you, you found her. She found you. And I can tell, she's such a lucky person to be with you. I don't know, I couldn't predict the future. Somehow I wish I could. And I keep on praying that God would make me forget, I pray that I would stop this longing for you, but His answer, why is it taking so long?