I Haven't Been LA'd Yet
So I've been in LA for about 2 1/2 weeks now, and I'm starting to think that I really don't fit in here. Let's consider the evidence:
1. As a white male, I am actually a minority for once. Really. There's a lot of Hispanics and Asians around here, but not that many single white men. Now, I'm not racist, so I'm not saying that's the only reason I don't fit in. . .
2. I recognize the fact there are sweet mountains in LA. (See previous article.) I also enjoy hiking there, unlike many citizens of LA, who enjoy the woods for the secretive areas it provides for hiding dead bodies and growing pot.
3. I drive a Honda Fit. Everyone else in LA has either a) a hybrid or b) an expensive car. There are tons of hybrids everywhere, and they all have this yellow sideways-thermometer sticker plastered all over the back:
I just looked this up, and apparently it lets you use the HOV lane. Yeah . . . The HOV lanes here aren't that great. I think it's pretty much a "LOOK AT ME! I HAVE A HYBRID! I AM SAVING THE POLAR BEARS IN ANTARCTICA! YOU ARE KILLING BABY SEALS TO FUEL YOUR SUV! I AM THEREFORE BETTER THAN YOU; DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ME, COMMON PERSON." sticker.
If you don't have a hybrid (i.e. you are rich and don't care about the environment), then you have a Mercades (I've seen a lot) or a BMW (seen a lot) or a Porsche (seen a few) or a Ferrari (saw one, driving around my neighborhood. Who takes their Ferrari out to the store to get groceries? Yuppies.) or a Rolls-Royce (saw one this weekend at JPL. The grill was serious three feet tall.). I drive a $15k car around that sounds like a go-kart.
4. I am on time to events. Apparently people in LA are "laid-back," and they don't show up to events on time. That, or they're too busy showing off their hybrids / driving their Ferraris to the local Whole Foods. I went to church this past Sunday and got a bit lost on the way. (I ended up at the Rose Bowl. I would like to point out that it is an awesome feeling to use the Rose Bowl - this legendary football stadium that I've tried to get to for the past four New Years Days - as a geographical reference in ordinary conversation. Especially when I express frustration for ending up at the Rose Bowl. That's just awesome. . . . I hope that makes sense, and you're jealous now.) Anyways, I digress. Hmm . . . oh yeah. People are late.
I was going to church when I got lost on the way. I ended up finding the place on time, and got into my seat right as the band was starting the opening song. Phew. Just in time. I looked around, and there was maybe 100 people in this huge warehouse-like room. It was *empty*. I was a little put off, but hey, whatever. By 10:00 or so, A HALF-HOUR AFTER THE SERVICE STARTED, the place was full. Like, I was the odd man out by getting there at 9:30. People in LA don't even show up on-time for Jesus. I mean, he forgives you, but still.
So for those reasons, I'm not sure if I fit in here at LA. LA in general, that is. I have found a magical place where I fit in perfectly. JPL. (i.e. NASA.) It's full of nerdy engineers, and it's in the mountains. While there are nice cars and hybrids in the parking lot, there's a lot of recent college graduates there too who drive tiny cars like mine. And, I show up at 7:30 am and the parking lot is already mostly-full. Yes, in LA, where people show up late to God's house, there is a small group of nerds who get to NASA about the time the sun is rising. It's like I'm not even in California.
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In other news, I went to JPL this weekend this weekend to watch the Phoenix spacecraft land on Mars. I had a JPL badge, so I was allowed to wander around anywhere I wanted: in the VIP area (into which I snuck to watch the landing), in the media area, and in the "off-limits" area. The landing was extremely exciting. It was awesome being close to the action. Not quite mission control, but I'll take it for now. I also saw Miles O'Brien.
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In other news, my brother has arrived in New York for his summer internship, so the Johnson family now has an East Coast - West Coast rivalry going on. We are both composing "dis" songs, and will be having rap battles in the future. There will be no "Your Momma" jokes, however, as they are ineffective against one's brother.
1. As a white male, I am actually a minority for once. Really. There's a lot of Hispanics and Asians around here, but not that many single white men. Now, I'm not racist, so I'm not saying that's the only reason I don't fit in. . .
2. I recognize the fact there are sweet mountains in LA. (See previous article.) I also enjoy hiking there, unlike many citizens of LA, who enjoy the woods for the secretive areas it provides for hiding dead bodies and growing pot.
3. I drive a Honda Fit. Everyone else in LA has either a) a hybrid or b) an expensive car. There are tons of hybrids everywhere, and they all have this yellow sideways-thermometer sticker plastered all over the back:
I just looked this up, and apparently it lets you use the HOV lane. Yeah . . . The HOV lanes here aren't that great. I think it's pretty much a "LOOK AT ME! I HAVE A HYBRID! I AM SAVING THE POLAR BEARS IN ANTARCTICA! YOU ARE KILLING BABY SEALS TO FUEL YOUR SUV! I AM THEREFORE BETTER THAN YOU; DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ME, COMMON PERSON." sticker.
If you don't have a hybrid (i.e. you are rich and don't care about the environment), then you have a Mercades (I've seen a lot) or a BMW (seen a lot) or a Porsche (seen a few) or a Ferrari (saw one, driving around my neighborhood. Who takes their Ferrari out to the store to get groceries? Yuppies.) or a Rolls-Royce (saw one this weekend at JPL. The grill was serious three feet tall.). I drive a $15k car around that sounds like a go-kart.
4. I am on time to events. Apparently people in LA are "laid-back," and they don't show up to events on time. That, or they're too busy showing off their hybrids / driving their Ferraris to the local Whole Foods. I went to church this past Sunday and got a bit lost on the way. (I ended up at the Rose Bowl. I would like to point out that it is an awesome feeling to use the Rose Bowl - this legendary football stadium that I've tried to get to for the past four New Years Days - as a geographical reference in ordinary conversation. Especially when I express frustration for ending up at the Rose Bowl. That's just awesome. . . . I hope that makes sense, and you're jealous now.) Anyways, I digress. Hmm . . . oh yeah. People are late.
I was going to church when I got lost on the way. I ended up finding the place on time, and got into my seat right as the band was starting the opening song. Phew. Just in time. I looked around, and there was maybe 100 people in this huge warehouse-like room. It was *empty*. I was a little put off, but hey, whatever. By 10:00 or so, A HALF-HOUR AFTER THE SERVICE STARTED, the place was full. Like, I was the odd man out by getting there at 9:30. People in LA don't even show up on-time for Jesus. I mean, he forgives you, but still.
So for those reasons, I'm not sure if I fit in here at LA. LA in general, that is. I have found a magical place where I fit in perfectly. JPL. (i.e. NASA.) It's full of nerdy engineers, and it's in the mountains. While there are nice cars and hybrids in the parking lot, there's a lot of recent college graduates there too who drive tiny cars like mine. And, I show up at 7:30 am and the parking lot is already mostly-full. Yes, in LA, where people show up late to God's house, there is a small group of nerds who get to NASA about the time the sun is rising. It's like I'm not even in California.
=============
In other news, I went to JPL this weekend this weekend to watch the Phoenix spacecraft land on Mars. I had a JPL badge, so I was allowed to wander around anywhere I wanted: in the VIP area (into which I snuck to watch the landing), in the media area, and in the "off-limits" area. The landing was extremely exciting. It was awesome being close to the action. Not quite mission control, but I'll take it for now. I also saw Miles O'Brien.
-------------
In other news, my brother has arrived in New York for his summer internship, so the Johnson family now has an East Coast - West Coast rivalry going on. We are both composing "dis" songs, and will be having rap battles in the future. There will be no "Your Momma" jokes, however, as they are ineffective against one's brother.