1 liners from Steven Wright

[robearal]

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently it wasn't first place.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... It's a start.

From: When the Leaves Blow Away

Comments

[songdogmi]

I love Steven Wright's comedy. I laughed out loud at the second one.

[watchingitburn]

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

[dhpbear]

"One time, at a job interview I took out a book and started reading.

The guy asked 'What the hell are you doing?'

I said 'let me ask you a question: if you were in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on, would they do anything?

The guy answered 'I don't know'

I said 'forget it then; I don't want to work for you.'"

"I like to reminisce with people I don't know...granted, it takes longer."